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#1
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I am lucky that I am very good at making friends. Making them. That is it. I heard once the explanation of what a gentleman / gentlewoman was and that is me. Making other people feel comfortable. I am very good at that. But once we get past that... I seem to have a problem with
(1) keeping people interested and (2) gaining those people's absolute loyalty. Because of an incident a few years back I decided it would be a good idea to stop being friends with people at work. I reasoned that people at work were not "friends" and due to my unique position at work, where people feel like I am the key to something more powerful, I decided to only be as friendly as I had to and then, end it. I also decided to try to make sure people didn't know what I did in my person life. Even I had to lie. Because a lot of times it felt like they wanted to do things with me and I didn't want them. My boss is an extreme extrovert and this policy I think disappoints him. He wants me to have fun with the workgroup and always be up for lunch and other things. Right now... I try to not be a downer when I go out but I try to avoid going out. People that worked for him I think they can't see any reason why I wouldn't be friendly with them once they leave. And it isn't personal, I Just know they are likely to want to use me once they leave so I cut them off the moment they are gone. But I think all of this has backfired. I have pretty much zero friends lately at work. And almost everyone at work seems to use me anyway. I mean, it is just he nature of the beast. My policy now just makes it so I don't get anything back from them. I don't get to use them. I feel like I need to do a heel toe and start being much more friendly. Then I would at least have a group of people who might feel an obligation to help me out if I asked. It is still hard not to have my head turned around my the fact that people are trying to suck up to me to suck up to the person behind me but, I figure, maybe I need to start embracing that.. |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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#2
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I hear you, @Emily Fox Seaton!
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![]() Anonymous45521
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#3
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Quote:
So what do I do now? 1. Throw a party (small gathering at my house). 2. Refriend all those people on facebook I have gotten rid of? 3. make it my business to go see and talk to people 1x per day? 4. Go to court events and meetings that maybe I don't have to? |
#4
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I would go for 3 and 4. I don't like parties, especially not at my place, though
![]() I have some local acquaintances that turned into friends because of FB, but it's too easy for me to do a lot of socializing online and not enough in person. Also, I think people are moving away from that platform but I do not want to get sucked into another. I also struggle with how to handle work friendships. Some of my closest friends are people I met at old jobs. I've also been disappointed when people I thought were good friends cut off contact once we no longer work together. I understand situational friendships but it's still caught me off guard. For the most part, I just want to go home and do my own thing after work. Do we really need to extend the workday with a two hour happy hour when I just want to eat dinner? At the same time, I regret not forming closer relationships at my last workplace, so maybe I should have gone to more of those happy hours. |
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