[Crysr521]

I have been with my husband for 10 years. And he started a new job a year ago. He always talked about this female and how depressed she is and how her life is. Well 2 months later , he invited her to our house and also offered to do her oil change. We got into a big fight and i asked him " what is going on between you two. He said" im giving her hugs and telling her shes pretty and boosting her self esteem. He would text her and she would reply. She would send him pics, nothing explicit. And so 9 months later. I come and visit him and there cars are parked beside each other everytime i come and visit. Yesterday i came and visited him and we were talking and all he did was just stare at her. He didnt even want to give me a kiss in front of her. And so i asked a question if she was still in a relationship and he said" no" and he brought up the fact that his owner was more concerned about her and i laughed and said" you are always concerned about her and kept his mouth shut. Am i overthinking this situation or he really wants to be with her.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Crysr: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I don't know that I'm able to really be of much help with your concern. It certainly does sound "fishy" to me. However here are links to 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help. Some of them are written from the perspective of offering advice to persons who may be having emotional affairs rather than from the spouse's perspective. But hopefully the information in the articles can be of some help to you too:

What Is An Emotional Affair | Psychology of Women

What Everyone Should Know About Emotional Affairs

3 Danger Signs Your Partner May Be Having An Affair

What if You Suspect Emotional Infidelity?

3 Signs You Might Be Having An Emotional Affair

https://psychcentral.com/blog/dealin...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/18-tel...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-ni...se-accusation/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[nicoleflynn]

Sounds like an emotional affair, and from HER perspective being hugged, etc....she obviouosly must think he is interested in her.

[sarahsweets]

I would not be ok with this. It is not his job to boost her self esteem or do chores for her. It doesnt speak well of her to allow a man in a relationship to do these things for her and its disrespectful to you. What would he do if you told him that you do not want him to communicate with her outside of work?

[MickeyCheeky]

I agree with the other wise, wonderful posters that it seems like he's having an emotional affair, @Crysr521! Definitely try to talk things over with him. You deserve to be respected. Make him understand who much ALL of this is hurting you and your relationship with him. Make him understand that this is important and ABSOLUTELY not fair towards you. I hope he'll come to his senses and do the right thing. Keep us updated if you want to and let us know how things turn out for BOTH of you. Wish you the BEST of luck with whathever will happen! I hope things tunr out ok for you and your marriage. Feel free to PM me anytime if you're looking for advice and support and I'll try to get back at you as soon as I possibly can! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your family, Crysr521! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!

[Crysr521]

Thank you. Maybe im overthinking things. He always says that shes like a daughter to her.

[Crysr521]

Thank you. Im a strong individual. And he knows he will lose everything if he has an emotional connection with the girl.

[LacunaCoiler]

Don't down play what is going on. This happened with my wife and our coworker. It started out with her just saying it was harmless flirting and then it became her confiding in each other before becoming a full blown out emotional affair. He was going thru an ugly breakup with a gf of 8 years and apparently she had been lying about being happy in our relationship for years and they were each other confidants. Before long they were telling each other they loved each other and that she wanted to leave me for him and so much more. I wanted a divorce because I was done but she agreed to stop seeing him or talking to him (and it helped a lot that he got fired shortly afterwards). To be honest, I think an emotional affair is worse than if they actually slept together. I told her if she messes up one more time I'm done and filing the paperwork end of story. It's been a bumpy road and we're still working things out (this just happened in Feb of this year) and it seems like she's being faithful and honest.

The best advise I can give you is to go with your gut. If you know something isn't right then more than likely it isn't. You should come first and never second in your own marriage and if that is the case you need to put your foot down or end it. If you don't you'll just drive yourself crazy and it won't end well for your mental health. I wish you the best.