Texting Etiquette

Do you think it’s rude not to respond to a text message? I have noticed that some people are a bit demanding and expect me to respond to their texts yet they don’t respond very often to mine.

Do you think it’s rude if people text you but rarely or never have time for a phone conversation with you?

Do you think it’s rude if people want to talk by text but never invite you to do anything while they have groups of friends they often get together with?

Maybe my idea of manners and etiquette are old fashioned. I don’t want to have “conversations” by text and if people don’t want to spend time with me I have started to ignore their texts. I feel rude when I blow off texts though...

A. Do you think itÂ’s rude not to respond to a text message?
B. Some people are a bit demanding and expect me to respond to their texts yet they donÂ’t respond very often to mine.

a. Yes. I do it all the time, especially to declarations of love and requests to hang out.
b. They're rude. Whenever they demand a response to a text message, text back about 20 minutes later with, "Sorry, I was in the shower." Every single time. If they text you four times per day, text back every time with, "Sorry, I was in the shower."

Do you think itÂ’s rude if people text you but rarely or never have time for a phone conversation with you?

It depends. They could be in a position where they're unable to talk over the phone, like at work or in a class. It does irritate me, however, when people try to have lengthy conversations or try to plan something complicated over a text message. We could cut this conversation time down to three minutes if they would just call, especially if the other person is a poor writer and their texts are never clear.

Do you think itÂ’s rude if people want to talk by text but never invite you to do anything while they have groups of friends they often get together with?

Yes.

I don’t want to have “conversations” by text and if people don’t want to spend time with me I have started to ignore their texts. I feel rude when I blow off texts though...

Rudeness begets rudeness.

I want to write a novel on text etiquette. Instead, I found these articles about it.

The Art of Good Communication: Texting Etiquette | The Exhausted Woman

A Much-Needed Guide to Text Etiquette | HuffPost *has great list of texting do's and don't's.*

Yes. I think it's extremely rude not to respond to a text message. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. Their lack of response time is dependent on how they prioritize the texts they receive, by who sent the text. It's all about who is a priority and who is an option where texting is concerned.

Yes, it's super rude to text someone who refuses to return your phone calls. I ended a friendship with a woman after putting up with her nonsense for seven years. She refused to return my voicemail calls yet had 24 hours in a day to text me ALL THE TIME. So phony.

Yes, it's rude if people only use you for text-chat but never invite you to hang out socially in person. That means, they view you as online entertainment available to them via text messaging. I had acquaintances and friendships with women and men who kept me as a text-friend. So, I dumped them. I'd rather be friendless than tied to people who don't respect me.

I am very old fashioned as far as manners and my use of social media. I HATE texting. I prefer phone calls. If someone texts me, I will annoy them by calling them back. Sometimes, I will even text them, "I'm calling you back. Please pick up." If they refuse to, I hit the *delete* button and they go POOF. I am told darn old to put up with people's nonsense anymore. Either respect my time or don't bother me.

If you are not a texter, tell the person via text, "I'm sorry but I prefer to talk on the phone." Then leave it alone and see how they respond. We teach people how to treat us, based on how we respond to their treatment of us. If you ignore everyone's texts, they will accuse you of being rude, or not liking them. Has that happened to you yet? Best to set up your boundaries with texting asap so people know that if they text you, responding via text will never be your priority because you don't like texting. So, you have to at least tell them this information, so they know what to expect from you when they text you. Just my two cents. I'm a curmudgeon. I hate texting.

Great answers! You are right that rudeness begets rudeness. That’s why I feel uncomfortable about blowing people off even when that’s what they do to me. I have found that these type of people aren’t receptive if you call them out on their rudeness.

I’m done with conversations by text. There are better ways to spend my time.

I love the response “I was in the shower”... like four times a day. Hilarious!!!!!!!

I knew you would have good answers to this topic. What I have noticed is most people are attached 24/7 to their phones. People are selectively choosing who to respond to... just like the option-izers. I don’t like being low on other people’s list but they expect to be high on mine. Some people won’t believe me if I tell them I don’t want to text... because they know my personality and know that I think it’s rude not to respond to a call or text... I’ll have to think about that.

@StreetcarBlanche

Your articles say not responding to texts is rude. There you go.

It depends. I went out tonight with a group of friends and I texted one of them (she was running late) that we are inside. I’d not expect her to pull over while driving and respond to my text. She just showed up to a restaurant. Now if the text contains questions, then it’s different. Otherwise no one has time to respond to every text if they don’t require a response.

a) Do you think itÂ’s rude not to respond to a text message?

Someone has to stop talking first! Like Divine said, not all messages require a response. Expecting an immediate response from someone is rude.

b) Do you think itÂ’s rude if people text you but rarely or never have time for a phone conversation with you?

No, that seems normal to me, maybe because I'd rather text or talk in person than talk on the phone.

c) Do you think itÂ’s rude if people want to talk by text but never invite you to do anything while they have groups of friends they often get together with?

I don't know if I would call it rude, but it stings. It's a sign they aren't invested in a friendship.

I enjoy texting, but I have friends and relatives who just don't do it. It would be obnoxious for me to keep texting those people even after they've told me it's not a medium they enjoy, much ruder than it is for them to not reply to my messages.

I am pretty old school. Texting for me is more about getting down to business. It is not I method I use to be social. It is about relaying the details of a subject I am already in discussion about. If I wanted to be social, that is what the phone is for.

I would never expect an immediate response. People might be driving. They might be at work. They might otherwise be engaged. They might be in conversation with other people. They might be at dinner (a whole other discussion here - the etiquette of when using your cell phone is acceptable). I would consider it rude to expect an immediate reply. However, I do expect promptness in that the individual ought to be responding back as soon as they are able. Not to respond at all shows poor etiquette.

Basically, I look at texting and messaging as a secondary means of communication. Life matters at hand by far take precedence than responding to a message. If it is important enough you feel an immediate reply is due then you should be phoning that person instead.

Responding to texts.... as someone pointed out there has to be an end to the discussion. Eventually one of the parties involved is not going to respond. If you mean not responding at all, yes that's rude.

I am annoyed by people who expect me to respond immediately. I have two phones, one is fir work, the other my personal phone. Most of the time my personal one is in my bag with the ringer off when I'm at work. My employer does not pay me to have personal conversations. There are times I can not respond immediately even to work related texts/calls.

Maybe I'm old school, but I don't believe I have to be available to others 24/7. If something is a true emergency then call me, don't text.

AGREED

I think expecting an immediate reply goes hand in hand with the sense of entitlement which is becoming more and more prevalent.

There are times when I feel it absolutely unacceptable to be using one's phone. Work and school are obvious examples. No you don't need to be available while there. People can leave a message. If it is an emergency the message can be transmitted to you by the employer or school office. It's what we did in the old days. I feel too that using one's phone at all is an intrusion. When I am socialising with a person I expect their attention to be on me not their phone. Nothing riles me more than to be trying to talk to someone and they constantly interrupt my time with them in order to use their phone. Having dinner with me? You bloody well better not take out your phone!

As I said before, your phone is not the priority. To expect someone to make it so is being rude and self-centered. Again, want an immediate response, use the call feature - that is what the phone is for.

Thanks Wishfulthinker. Someone recently complained to my boss that my work phone went straight to voicemail when she called me. That would be because I was in a work related meeting at the time. Again, I may be old school, but I believe the person I'm in front of me takes precedent over phone contact. I did respond to the person who called after the meeting ended.

One night I went out to dinner with three friends. They were all texting. I looked at them and said "Hey, I'm right here! What am I chopped liver?" None of them understood why I was upset. I don't put up with that sort of thing anymore. If they'd rather text someone else than talk with me I'm gone.

Yes, of course in that case it makes sense.

In my case I’m getting texts about their personal stuff. Things that really should be a conversation not a text. And if I just text something to say I have good news or I am worried about something I often get no response. It’s one sided. That’s fine if people don’t want to respond to my texts. I respect that. But I don’t like that they still expect me to respond to theirs.

I agree. I don’t want to get dragged into long text conversations and I often put my phone up for hours and ignore it. I don’t expect people to respond right away to me. For some reason some people expect responses from me though. I think it’s because out of habit I’ve always responded and now they expect it.

@lizardlady

I hate it when people are on their phones in a social situation. I just get up and start doing something else when people start texting. If I absolutely must text in front of someone, I tell them the reason and immediately put the phone back down.

The argument people give for texting or being on their phone all the time is that they are good at multi-tasking. That aside, it’s just bad manners in my opinion.

I’m starting to think the texting etiquette thing is more about manners and whether a person is someone I want to keep in my life. People who demand my attention but don’t reciprocate are going to do that in any situation... by phone, by text or in person.

The text etiquette is important to me though. I don’t want to bother and annoy people with long demanding texts and I don’t want to be bothered and annoyed by long and demanding texts.

On the other hand, just not responding at all to something simple seems rude to me. Especially when at some point during a 24 hour time period most people are going to check their phone. That’s why I tend to respond even if I don’t want to.

I’ll have to change how I communicate by text. I’m asking myself this: If it’s not something you would do by phone or in person why would you keep letting it go on with texting?

You make a great point. It’s obnoxious for someone to keep texting when they know the other person doesn’t want to text back. Not everybody wants a long text conversation or even a short text conversation.

In my opinion it is not automatically rude to ignore a text, just as it is not rude to ignore a ringing phone or a ringing doorbell.

A text, a ringing phone, a ringing doorbell are all requests for interaction. One is free to decline.

I agree with the wise @Bill3, @Sisabel! I don't think it's necessarely rude. It is rather telling that they expect YOU to reply immediately and yet they don't seem to do the same to you! Text interactions are different in my opinion and one must not be entitled to an immediate response in my opinion. As long as not too much time passes it should be okay. I also think you have EVERY RIGHT to tell them that you prefer to talk by phone or other meas that you prefer. It's your choice and they have to respect that. I'd say make your voice heard! If they are friends and they care they'll listen to what you have to say and understand you! That's my opinion anyway. I hope things will work out for as this is ALL really important in my opinion. Set the boundaries you need and stick to them no matter what! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need Advice and Support as my inbox is always open for you! I'm sure others will glady help you and listen as well. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and to ALL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE AND WHO TRULY LOVE YOU AND ACCEPT you for WHO YOU TRULY ARE, SISABEL! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING!

We were out for dinner the other night and really enjoyed our time together conversing. We stopped and realized at every table around us the people were all texting and ignoring those at their tables. It was so very sad. What a waste of time not to mention incredibly rude. Entire families and not one person talking to another. Even the toddlers were glued to a screen.

I once sent to the a person I know and whom I helped financially once to congratulate him on his new job, and he didn't reply to me, and when I asked why you didn't respond to my message, he told me "he didn't think he should reply"?!! It seems people have different understanding of what is appropriate and what is not via texts. I personally don't expect immediate response, but I expect at least an acknowledgment, even if it's after some reasonable time. I acknowledge all the messages I receive, and I expect others to do the same with me.

For me, a person's text etiquette reveals where you stand on their list of social priorities and social options.

If you're just an option to the other person, they will make little to any effort to text you, let alone respond to your texts within a reasonable frame of time.

But, if your friendship is a priority and they respect your boundaries with text vs. phone communication style, then you'd think they would either call you if you hate texting, or would text you and would respond without prompting to your texts, within a reasonable time frame.

I'm with Bill on this one, and I also think there's a lot of "overthinking" on this going on. There are SO many reasons why a person may not respond right away or at all. And then, like Bill said, it's a request to reply, and if I don't want to have an interaction with you, I'm certainly not obliged to.

My dad texts me memes. Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don't. It depends on where I am and what I'm doing. My mom sometimes texts me to ask how I am. Sometimes I can't respond right away, and I never actually respond because I end up talking to her on the phone first. My boss/client texts me in the middle of the night and I never respond by text because in our morning meeting we cover it. Sometimes I text her questions and she never responds. She's in meetings, she's with friends, she's doing her thing. I trust if I need the answer I will ask again and get it.

If you're reaching out to someone and want a response and aren't getting it, I would say a) did you point blank ASK them to respond? and b) if they don't, you can't guess and read their mind as to why they don't.

It seems like people are taking it quite personally when someone responds when you have no clue really what can be going on with someone at any given time. For example, if you text me in the middle of something that's going on for me, like crisis or emergency, and I don't respond, I likely will forget about your text in the midst of the stress and never respond.

These are all general "you" not directed towards anyone in particular, fyi.

There are times when I can't deal with looking at screens. They trigger migraines and other neurological **** for me. So you may never get a reply text to that specific text.

Why is it rude for someone to not respond to texts? Maybe it's rude to them for you to send them when they don't want to text with you? My point is, everyone has different communication preferences, and if you were really friends or close, then you'd know what they prefer. One of my friends prefers Google hangouts. So that's where we message. No big deal. There has to be compromise in communication mode if you have different preferences.

Huh. Wellll...it depends on the people and the situation.Fe: My daughter is the mother of a VERY active toddler. We live over a thousand miles apart, and 3 hours difference in time zone. in summer, which this is. We don't phone (or very very rarely) -- we text. Cause that can be put down in midst of a sentence and come back to when other more immediate issues are resolved.

Also, my younger sister is NOT a phone call person. At all. Never was. We text, facebook, and so on.

My phone does not go about with me all day. It lives on my night stand, unless we are going out -- then it lives in my purse. I may go to a doc appt, turn phone off bc that's required (and considerate in any case) -- then forget to turn it back on. We also may be enroute over our surrounding mountains, in which there are large "No Service" areas. Have been speaking to daughter numerous times and in mid-sentence, whoosh. Call gone. SO we don't do that any more.

Whomever it was above who said "a text, ringing phone or doorbell is a request for interaction. One is at liberty to decline the request.' (I'm paraphrasing) IS TOO BLOODY RIGHT! EDIT: Of course it was Bill. ) I realize I'm a total crank about this, but no one is ENTITLED to my/your time and attention at any given moment, except of course for true emergencies. I get so so irritated at folk who assume otherwise. Their behaviour when not rewarded with IMMEDIATE attention/response is pettish beyond belief imo.

jmo of course.

Best,
Chyia

I agree with this.