Crush at work leads to HR issue

i believe you but not all men are like that. I am not and i do not know of anyone like that.

Never said all men were like that. I only mentioned my personal experiences as a rebuttal to the "you wouldn't understand because you're not a woman" argument.

never said you said it. Did you read the part where i said i believe you

I knew a girl, she has mental problems, who would come talk to me all the time when i met her in bookshop. about photography computers etc. No romantic interest in her and in fact she was always starting the conversation.Coming over to me when i researched in the library.


I met her in the bookshop when i had not seen her for long time so i went over to say hello. She seemed a bit distant/bad humor then suddenly turned to me and said 'have i got egg on my face the way you are staring at me?' I was not staring. i was as normal, when you talk, sometimes you make eye contact then look away etc . You do not glare. i don't and didn't. i was exactly as usual but she was in some sort of paranoid period.

So next time i saw her i said hi and kept going.Time after that she was in the distance so i said nothing but i said hi to the person she was talking to as he is a personal friend of mine.

i won't be stopping to talk to her again. If she said that with no evidence she could say anything. I accept she cannot help her mental problems but they are not my fault and i will not be caught in a situation where she could make false allegations.

Absolutely. It is very easy to be wrongly accused

Anything else.

Ask crisscross directly what his deal is, and then inform him that his behavior is off-putting. Throw in a line about how one ought not date coworkers. If the "polite no" doesn't work, then we move on to the "firm no," and tell him to leave it alone.

Or else...

I'm a software developer in my mid 20s. There is a girl I became interested in a couple months ago. Some context needed, I have serious anxiety and depression that I've been getting a handle on through therapy and medication since my nervous breakdown two years ago. Her and I come in and leave at similar times and park in the same garage in the city. In addition to those mental issues, I'm a short guy and (in my opinion) not particularly good looking so I have self esteem issues as well. I am as far as can be from confident. I've had no serious romantic relationships in my life. I finally got up the nerve to actually talk to her one day and have had a couple awkward interactions but was still trying to be hopeful. I've also seen her at meetings and things. In my last therapy appointment, I said I was overly fixating on it but I wasn't doing anything to follow her or manipulate things to get close to her. I got called into hr yesterday. She wasn't accusing me of anything but my prescence was being to make her uncomfortable. I wasn't in trouble but they made it clear that i should try to avoid her. I'm going to be doing this but this experience has been humilating and I feel guilty that I made her feel this way. I was worried I might be making her uncomfortable but I thought I was just being paranoid. Now I can't trust those instincts that my negative feelings are unfounded. Yesterday was the most unsafe I've felt in a long time and I still feel crappy. I suck socially in general(I explained this and they seemed to understand) so now I'm going to keep the personal seperate from the professional. I couldn't say anything to the colleagues I'm close to but they can tell something is up. Same with my friends and family. I didn't consciously do anything wrong but I feel rotten, dirty, ashamed of myself and like something in me is broken. Maybe I'm bad, like the harrasers you hear about being exposed on the news and who I always thought I was better than. Maybe I just deserve to be alone. HR made it clear that I wasn't in trouble but they told my boss and idk what his reaction will be. I've finally started to feel good about this job after a year and a half there and I can't bear to lose the one thing in my life I feel I'm good at.

First of all, as someone who's been there and done that, don't dip your pen in the company ink. Even when things develop into a relationship, the odds are not in your favor that they'll end happily ever after, nevermind end amicably.

You may have made her a little uncomfortable, but ultimately I think you're too hard on yourself. Assuming you head HR's advice, I think you can write this off as unintentional harm and hopefully you can try to work on this. Maybe talk to your therapist about working on social skills. Maybe try to work on them in general as opposed to strictly for dating purposes; attend a few Meetup groups to work on those skills.

That's excellent advice from @peacelizard. Truthfully, I'd say you are getting out of this thing about as unscathed as is possible. Had you guys actually begun dating, well then you are into a whole other level of potential career and personal disasters. I have a buddy who is one of the most senior managing directors at the biggest bank in the U.S. Great human, not a bad bone in his body. But he sort of accidentally hooked up with a junior employee he supervises on a business trip to Boston. Oops. He immediately knew he had messed up. They both agreed it could never happen again. She seems okay about it. The problem is, my pal is only one really bad day for that junior employee away from potentially having his fantastic career ended by HR, because of one somewhat drunken night. That's all it takes in today's climate.

Point is, you got off easy. Take it and learn from it. I agree you should try to work on socialization skills with your therapist and see where that takes you. And don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, it's what makes us human. All the best.