[Lostin]

I need advice on learning to be okay with being alone? I've struggling with coping being alone since I ended my last relationship, and I just need some advice on learning to be okay with being alone.

[MickeyCheeky]

Try to find things that make YOU happy. Find some hobbies. Cooking, reading... the things that give you Joy and that you feel like define yourself. Getting over the end of our past relationships is NOT easy so you're DEFINITELY not alone in these struggles. I'd suggest to see a therapist if you arent' already. So yeah, definitely focus on yourself, try to take some time for your hobbies, perhaps try to spend some time with your friends or make some new ones so you won't feel so alone. You can join some activities and clubs based on your interests or perhaps some websites that allow you to meet new people. I hope you'll find PEACE and HOPE very soon! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Lostin, and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!

[yagr]

Spend some time with people who are with the wrong person.

[lizardlady]

I agree with Mickey. Do things that bring you pleasure. At the same time allow yourself the chance to grieve your relationship that just ended.

I'd also encourage you to identify the positives about being on your own. Being on your own does not have to mean being lonely. It also doesn't have to mean not having other people in your life. You can socialize with friends... go out to eat, talk on the phone.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by yagr

Spend some time with people who are with the wrong person.

This works for me. Come to think of it, i kinda go all clockwork orange around such people, having grown up that way, and been married (albeit short term) to the wrong persons. Now i just read posts, and i get all goofy. I didnt make that connection before. Thanks, yagr!

[Lostin]

I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my OP. I think that I'm going to try therapy again and see if it works this time. I'm also going try to spend more time with friends. I might try to get back into my hobbies, but I don't know how well that might go since I'm at a point in my life were I can't really enjoy things in my life. I'm going to try to look at the positives of being single but it's going to be hard. I'm going to try not to fall into my bad habits, and just allow myself to grieve my last relationship.

[KookieJay]

Originally Posted by Lostin

I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my OP. I think that I'm going to try therapy again and see if it works this time. I'm also going try to spend more time with friends. I might try to get back into my hobbies, but I don't know how well that might go since I'm at a point in my life were I can't really enjoy things in my life. I'm going to try to look at the positives of being single but it's going to be hard. I'm going to try not to fall into my bad habits, and just allow myself to grieve my last relationship.

I wish you all the best! Also, if you're unable to get back to your old hobbies, hopefully, you can try out new things with your friends and family and just people you enjoy spending time with in general. Personally, I think it also helps to find things I enjoy doing on my own. I suppose it might be a little hard for you, but with support from people who care, I hope it all works out.

[crisscross712]

This is one of the biggest things I've struggled with over the years(in addition to anxiety, guilt, depression, paranoia, suicidal thoughts etc.) so I wish you the best of luck and let us know if/how you make this happen for yourself

[MrMoose]

Hi Lostin—
I was thinking about what Yagr wrote and realized that you could also spend some time with the wrong person yourself. I am astonished at how isolated and alienated and miserable I felt when I was still married and living with my wife. I didn’t really realize then that my wife was happy only when she controlled everything. I was surrounded by a busy social life but I felt so lonely. Now I spend a lot of time alone and it’s okay— I don’t feel threatened or fearful or under attack. I don’t particularly like or dislike being alone—I just feel relieved. I find listening to the radio and podcasts pleasant, I take a really long time coming home from work some days, and bicycling is an excellent solo pastime. I see friends on the weekends, and it’s been good reconnecting. I’m really not in a hurry to start dating or do anything adrenaline-fuelled these days, but work on appreciating what I have going on now. That said, I’m older than you are, so sitting on a park bench watching the sun go down is fine for me but probably boring as heck for you!