What's the psychology or family dynamics of a mother overly involved in there daughter's romantic relationship?

What boundaires would you suggest?

What would the mother be suffering from?

I say this cause my mother been encouraging my sister to break up with her boyfriend for over 4 years. Yes the boyfriend had his issues and I would say it wasnt a heathly realtionship.
But it got to the point my sister spoke behind her boyfriend's back to my mum. My mum would speak bad about him too.
The boyfriend broke up with my sister. Which would be 5th time in a row now.
But I notice my mother WAY over involved.
Like my sister still going to help her ex boyfriend and take him to hospital for his appointment for his back. Even though they have broken up.
He didnt went to her birthday due to his back. But my sister didnt bother to see him because she doesnt like his friends. Due to them being rude and swore at her. Apparently my sister Express she was upset he didnt come to her brithday. Which is understandable but he does have a sore back..he did sent flowers to her on her birthday.

My mum thinks its normal that my sister still has contact with her ex boyfriend and helping him with his back..its a very much a mother , son realtionship.
She would cook for him,.wash his clothes for him. Etc. All he did was sit in the bedroom watch TV or sleep all day. Obviously I believe the exboyfriend suffers from depression.
My mother says its like her looking after her ex husband.
Which he comes over and see my sister and I. But he eats our food in the house and cooks dinner. My mum gives him list to get food from supermarket when he here. The days he not here he is.with his girlfriend.

I also heard how she told one of her brothers that she happy they are broken up.
She also told me how she told her other brother how she worried about this boyfriend. Well her brother which be my uncle said he would give him a talking too..
I'm like what the hell?

My sister is very, very unaware of this. She takes what everything my mum say is law.

If you disagree with my mum she really doesnt like it.
My mum does have temper. Has thrown chairs out of rage when I was a kid..
She once push my to the wall with her hand on my throat about if God is real or not. I was below the age of 10 when this happened.
About 5 years ago she held a knife to her chest in front of my sister and I questioning if she should die to us..because she was upset with her realtionship with her mother. It was very scary.
She thinks emotions such as shame and sadness are flase emotions..
She even told me what my therapist say isnt law and she not always right. Which is werid.
She use called me pig,selfish and ******. Out of reasons that were stupid. Such as I wanted to put my washing in the dryer than on the clothes line.

As a small child I recalled the memory of me being anxious or upset and my mum got a knife from distance and did a angry laugh to scare me.
I was below age of 10.

Her commutation is very dismissive. And does lack eye contact I have notice. She usually turns the conversation about herself all the time.

She makes stories in her head how people are even at work. She has assumptions this young girl at her work thinks she is smart.

She thinks black and white. Very judgemental..

She use to believe the house was haunted.
How once when I was below she of 10, she told thos ghost to pisst off and this glass on the bench she walked past fell and broke. She screamed out of fear.
She would projected the idea I thought the house was haunted and I came up with the idea..which is not true.

She believe if you watch TV and there is a witchcarft scene in the movie. That it would bring bad vibes to the house.

As a child she told my sister and I the TV program Sabrina the teenager witch the 90's version was evil and bad..how pokemon is bad too. She got rid of my pokemon toys because she believe it was badminton because a Christian Radio told her.

She told me recently how she let my sister and I see our dad because Christian Radio told that the kids need to see there father as a example..she said it didnt work. In the sense hating our dad.

She is manager of libraby..what is werid..everyone thinks she is lovely. I had a worker once told me since I was visiting the libraby how they wish she was there mum..I'm like wow! If only you know what happened at home. You wouldn't want her as your mum..

Its really werid. I know it's highly dsyfuntional. I'm just wondering what's going on excatly.
Is my mum narasscist?

[TishaBuv]

I wouldn’t know if your mom has a disorder. But if you see signs there’s something wrong with her, you are certainly dealing with a difficult situation.

I did a lot of analyzing and soul searching in my family issues. At this point I keep a little close but with a safe distance. I control myself so I don’t instigate or make things worse.

You can’t do anything to change anyone else. If you point out your mom’s flaws, she probably won’t even want to hear it.

I feel for you and hope it’s not too toxic.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TeaFruit

What's the psychology or family dynamics of a mother overly involved in there daughter's romantic relationship?

What boundaires would you suggest?

What would the mother be suffering from?

I say this cause my mother been encouraging my sister to break up with her boyfriend for over 4 years. Yes the boyfriend had his issues and I would say it wasnt a heathly realtionship.
But it got to the point my sister spoke behind her boyfriend's back to my mum. My mum would speak bad about him too.
The boyfriend broke up with my sister. Which would be 5th time in a row now.
But I notice my mother WAY over involved.
Like my sister still going to help her ex boyfriend and take him to hospital for his appointment for his back. Even though they have broken up.
He didnt went to her birthday due to his back. But my sister didnt bother to see him because she doesnt like his friends. Due to them being rude and swore at her. Apparently my sister Express she was upset he didnt come to her brithday. Which is understandable but he does have a sore back..he did sent flowers to her on her birthday.

My mum thinks its normal that my sister still has contact with her ex boyfriend and helping him with his back..its a very much a mother , son realtionship.
She would cook for him,.wash his clothes for him. Etc. All he did was sit in the bedroom watch TV or sleep all day. Obviously I believe the exboyfriend suffers from depression.
My mother says its like her looking after her ex husband.
Which he comes over and see my sister and I. But he eats our food in the house and cooks dinner. My mum gives him list to get food from supermarket when he here. The days he not here he is.with his girlfriend.

I also heard how she told one of her brothers that she happy they are broken up.
She also told me how she told her other brother how she worried about this boyfriend. Well her brother which be my uncle said he would give him a talking too..
I'm like what the hell?

My sister is very, very unaware of this. She takes what everything my mum say is law.

If you disagree with my mum she really doesnt like it.
My mum does have temper. Has thrown chairs out of rage when I was a kid..
She once push my to the wall with her hand on my throat about if God is real or not. I was below the age of 10 when this happened.
About 5 years ago she held a knife to her chest in front of my sister and I questioning if she should die to us..because she was upset with her realtionship with her mother. It was very scary.
She thinks emotions such as shame and sadness are flase emotions..
She even told me what my therapist say isnt law and she not always right. Which is werid.
She use called me pig,selfish and ******. Out of reasons that were stupid. Such as I wanted to put my washing in the dryer than on the clothes line.

As a small child I recalled the memory of me being anxious or upset and my mum got a knife from distance and did a angry laugh to scare me.
I was below age of 10.

Her commutation is very dismissive. And does lack eye contact I have notice. She usually turns the conversation about herself all the time.

She makes stories in her head how people are even at work. She has assumptions this young girl at her work thinks she is smart.

She thinks black and white. Very judgemental..

She use to believe the house was haunted.
How once when I was below she of 10, she told thos ghost to pisst off and this glass on the bench she walked past fell and broke. She screamed out of fear.
She would projected the idea I thought the house was haunted and I came up with the idea..which is not true.

She believe if you watch TV and there is a witchcarft scene in the movie. That it would bring bad vibes to the house.

As a child she told my sister and I the TV program Sabrina the teenager witch the 90's version was evil and bad..how pokemon is bad too. She got rid of my pokemon toys because she believe it was badminton because a Christian Radio told her.

She told me recently how she let my sister and I see our dad because Christian Radio told that the kids need to see there father as a example..she said it didnt work. In the sense hating our dad.

She is manager of libraby..what is werid..everyone thinks she is lovely. I had a worker once told me since I was visiting the libraby how they wish she was there mum..I'm like wow! If only you know what happened at home. You wouldn't want her as your mum..

Its really werid. I know it's highly dsyfuntional. I'm just wondering what's going on excatly.
Is my mum narasscist?

That sound like my mom. Why I am not dating because she cause our breakup.

[MickeyCheeky]

It does seem like your Mom can REALLY toxic towards BOTH you and your Sister, @TeaFruit! I am not sure what she may be struggling with, but whatever it is, it is UP TO HER TO GET THE HELP THAT SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES! As for you and your Sister and Family, can you move somewhere else? I do feel like staying with her may not be good for your Health. Please give it a thought if it is possible. You deserve to live a Better Life! YOU DO KNOW AND YOU ARE AWARE THAT THAT'S ALL AND EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT'S ALL AND EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY TRUE AS WELL! THAT'S ALL AND EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT'S ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU! Please try to see if you can move in ANYWHERE ELSE with some other People and Persons and Human Beings and Companionsand Neighbors and Relatives and Brothers and Sister and Uncles and Grandfathers and Cousins and Family Members and Friends and Acquiantences or ANYONE ELSE WHO CAN HELP YOU OUT IN ANY WAY, METHOD, SHAPE OR FORM, OK? Please keep writing here if it helps. I am here for you and so are MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY OTHERS AS WELL! I PROMISE YOU THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! YOU CAN COUNT ON US! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @TeaFruit, Your Sister, your Family, your Friends, your Doctors, your Pdocs, your Therapists, your Nurses, your Mother, your Relatives and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

It does seem like your Mom can REALLY toxic towards BOTH you and your Sister, @TeaFruit! I am not sure what she may be struggling with, but whatever it is, it is UP TO HER TO GET THE HELP THAT SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES! As for you and your Sister and Family, can you move somewhere else? I do feel like staying with her may not be good for your Health. Please give it a thought if it is possible. You deserve to live a Better Life! YOU DO KNOW AND YOU ARE AWARE THAT THAT'S ALL AND EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT'S ALL AND EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY TRUE AS WELL! THAT'S ALL AND EVERYTHING ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT'S ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU! Please try to see if you can move in ANYWHERE ELSE with some other People and Persons and Human Beings and Companionsand Neighbors and Relatives and Brothers and Sister and Uncles and Grandfathers and Cousins and Family Members and Friends and Acquiantences or ANYONE ELSE WHO CAN HELP YOU OUT IN ANY WAY, METHOD, SHAPE OR FORM, OK? Please keep writing here if it helps. I am here for you and so are MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY OTHERS AS WELL! I PROMISE YOU THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! YOU CAN COUNT ON US! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @TeaFruit, Your Sister, your Family, your Friends, your Doctors, your Pdocs, your Therapists, your Nurses, your Mother, your Relatives and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?

Wow thank you so much for your kindness and thoughts its deeply appreciated it.

Well I want to move out. But I haven't worked for 4 years due to my mental health and getting help.
My past experiences working at jobs wasnt good. It was either I left due to stress or it was discrimination.
I experience traits of Borderline personality disorder and with that I have heard other people struggle to keep a job. It seems to be do with interpersonal skills with people and the fear of rejection, which plays a huge role in the daignoses of Borderline personality disorder.
So there that.

Then there is my partner who I been with for years. He in between jobs. He doesnt get a lot of money. He lives by pay check. He lives between where I stay st my mum's place and his parents place.

In my country the goverment gives you benefit a week sum of money weekly if you dont have a job. Until you get a job. But it's not a lot to survive with..
That the same if you mental illness.
I am aware the system is willing to pay towards a bond towards say the flat you stay. But not the full amount. So it gets a bit tricky there.

I be honsent I am afarid moving out myself even say my partner cant go with. Being alone. Or being with flate mates I dont know who they are.

My other family. Not supportive or close. Sadly. But that might be due to the dsyfuntional dynamic of the whole family.