Is it bad to be nice to people?

OH my, I am sorry you are dealing with all of this. Sorry you are not being treated in the way the you like to be either. If your boss does not accept your attention politely, maybe stop giving him attention and maybe reevaluate why you look up to him. But definitely, I agree that you should show up, do your job, greet people, be nice and go home. Best not to get overly involved in personal lives with people from work other than work related events and happenings. Be yourself, that is advice my dad gives me. Don't worry about other peoples drama. Chances are there is something in your boss's life that makes him the way he is. Maybe it is a phase and it will pass. I'm sorry your work-life drama is keeping you down. I myself, am not a fan of "unnecessary or excessive drama" drama.

It sounds like you are having a difficult time processing what are called 'cues.' Cues are nonverbal prompts that indicate that a person expects, would like, or desires a certain response. We all use them. Without the effective use of cues, communication can become robotic and uncomfortable, which is a bit of what you are describing. I agree with the good suggestions above. Getting with a therapist to help you learn about this could be very helpful to you. It is definitely something that can be learned.

In the meantime, I agree with the others that you should keep socialization to a minimum at work. Be on time. Do your job, do it well, then go home.

Not everyone likes or wants to be “looked up to”. Sometimes it’s a lot of pressure for someone when a person looks up to them and they just don’t want the responsibility.
If a person has a boss they look up to for career reasons like they want to follow in their footsteps to advance their career then that’s different. But what you describe is not like that and people just don’t want to be that person for you.

A few years ago I had a “friend” who was constantly “up my butt” so to speak. She always wanted hang out (like every day). Talk on the phone constantly. I would get several text messages from her daily. I couldn’t be there for her all the time in that capacity. It ultimately cost her the friendship because she just didn’t know when to quit. I didn’t want to be a mom like figure to her. It was too much pressure.

Try thinking about how the other people feel in these situations. If your boss flat out told you he feels creeped out then maybe you can just try to back off a bit. Don’t even try to discuss it with him. Maybe a simple “I’m sorry you feel creeped out. I’ll back off” and be done with it. You probably further creeped him out by going there on your day off.

Does it cause anxiety for you when someone puts up a boundary?

What does the therapist say when you tell them this stuff? Are they helping you try to see how your patterns are repeating?

Do not go to this job on your day off. That is attention-seeking behavior.

Looking for attention the way you do is not nice. It is selfish. The way you are acting toward this manager is obnoxious. His work schedule and where he is going is not your business.

The way people treat you does make sense. It is not a big mystery. You feel hurt because you are not getting what you want. Nobody gets everything they want.

Ruby, you are the one who is failing to understand. If you act the way you acted at Arby's, you are going to get the same result you got there. You are not the victim in these stories. You are acting like a predator. You keep insisting on getting noticed after you've been asked to back off.

You actually do understand what's going on. You recognize that this behavior you're engaging in now is just like what you did at Arby's. So you know exactly what you're doing that is causing problems. It's not cute. It is creepy. The people on your jobs have shown a lot of patience in trying to get you to stop inappropriate behavior. They are trying to help you succeed at keeping a job. But you will lose this job, if you don't respect the instructions you are being given. Don't make a game of this, or you will end up ruining your life.

Its your actions that are the problem. You can be nice without invading someone's space or sucking up their time.

Ruby, we've talked about what happens when you go in on your day off to try and instigate relationships with coworkers who are simply coworkers and not friends.

You are not being nice. You are being inappropriate. You need to look back at your threads regarding what happened at Arbys and how you were advised in that situation about your stalking behavior. Now you are stalking a new manager.

What does your case manager say? What does your therapist say?

You are behaving inappropriately going in on days off and giving extra attention to a manager instead of focusing on work.