My mother, brother and I went for a drive to an estate sale this afternoon. My brother has post concussive syndrome. He is also very secretive and I know almost nothing about his life. He has been going to the doctors a lot lately and won't say why. I also wonder if he might have undiagnosed BPD. He is a grown man in his mid 30s, 2 years younger than me.

On the ride there (my mother drove), I realized in how much pain he is. He was telling my mother not to hit any bumps and getting angry at her when she did (on accident) or had to press the brake quickly if a car jumped out in front, etc.

When we got there my mom told me to get out on the other side of the car (I was in the back) bc of traffic. I said my brother would have to move his seat for that. My brother said annoyedly, that I would have to wait (he was doing something) and it seemed like there was no traffic on my side anyway. I felt annoyed by his tone, and said "I don't like your tone." He got defensive then and said some things like he didn't do anything wrong and "what did I say that you didn't like?" However he never admits when he's wrong. And I was like ok I'm going to this estate sale now adios lol. I got out my side, and shut the door.

When my mom and I were done there, we realized my brother was gone, no where to be found. He hadn't even gone to the sale. It seemed really passive aggressive to me. I did get pissed and vented to my mom about how I feel he was inconsiderate and making us wait. We searched the house, and even the small graveyard across the street. He finally turned up, and wanted to go to the estate sale. My mom took me aside and told me he said I'd slammed the door and it hurt him (like the sound ). And he thought I did it on purpose (I did not. I wasn't even thinking), so he went for a walk instead when we were at the sale. I just found this so passive aggressive and inconsiderate. It sounds like he was mad and upset though.

When he got in the car, to go home, the insanity started. I said "what's going on?" I was trying to open the conversation. He stuck his fingers in his ears (literally) and ignored me. My mom was worried there was going to be a fight btwn us. I tried. I tried not to.

Be started talking angrily about how I don't care. And that's not true, but I also felt defensive of his tone. I tried not to say much. He really seemed to want to fight. My mom, driving, was crying. He got so worked up. So did she.

He ended up telling my mom to pull over and he got out. That in and of itself was insane bc he took his seatbelt off and opened the door a little and my mom freaked out crying even more. She also didn't want to let him out.

As we drove home, my mom flipped out on me, and said she couldn't believe this was how her life had turned out. She was hysterical and it was scary. I wanted to get out of the car myself. She also calmed down and apologized.

I'm not sure what else to say except this. I have ton a **** ton of work on myself over the years, and still am. My mother refuses to get counseling and so does my brother. Its concerning and disappointing to me, but I have to let them live their lives. I can't control their choices.

I also feel badly. As my brother was getting out of the car, I said he should call an uber or taxi. He was calling my the devil. I was concerned. He was angry.

This is all so confusing to me. I don't know...what I did that made him SO angry. I didn't want to fight w him, anything I said like "stop, leave me alone, I'm not gonna engage" only made him angrier. I ended up saying I do care, and it's like he didn't even hear.

My mom whispered to me to apologize, and I didn't want to. He was attacking me. But as he was getting out, I did apologize. It felt ******. I didn't want to apologize. Not then. I feel like he was trying to make us feel bad and he wanted attention.

I think it is best I stay away from them for a while. I know I myself have issues with depression and anxiety, and I even thought I might have had some BPD traits in the past. I'm in,my second round of DBT and grateful.

I think I just....that was so intense, and not how I thought that would turn out at all. And I'm struggling w my own issues, but I don't think I'm the devil or Satan or the woman from misery, like my brother said. Geez. I did the best I could and felt confused and surprised by their intense emotion. I wish they would get help.

I guess what I'm looking for is support. That was crazy. Also, I feel I need validation. He was calling me the devil, and I admit I felt angry and it probably showed. I tried though. I tried.

[MickeyCheeky]

Can I ask you how Old are you, @WovenGalaxy, and how Old is your Brother? I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU that his behavior was rather childish!! I PROMISE YOU THAT! I AM REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SURE OF THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ASSURED OF THAT! I GUARANTEE YOU THAT! It also seems like your Mother is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY STRESSED OUT FROM ALL OF THIS! Do You And Your Brother Fight A Lot? Either way, if you're AT LEAST Eighteen or Older, my Advice would be to Save some Money so that you'll be able to MOVE OUT SOON! It DOES seem like you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NEED IT! Perhaps you can move in with some other Relatives? Any Friends that may Help you one way or another? Give it a thought! If you're under eighteen years old, just try your best to grind your teeth. This situation won't last forever and you'll be able to get out of it one day. Seek the help of ANYONE who can help. Do you see a Therapist? A Pdoc? Those can Help A LOT! Seek the help of Friends and Families as well. If you go to school, ask for some Help to your Teachers! If you can, try to find a Job and make yourself Independet AS MUCH AND AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! I'll be here for you if you need someone to talk to or vent to or even if you need some Advice and Support, and so will MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY OTHERS AS WELL! I AM REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SURE OF THAT! I PROMISE YOU THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ASSURED OF THAT! I GUARANTEE YOU THAT! Also, since you've asked, NO, YOU ARE NOT THE DEVIL AND NEITHER YOU ARE SATAN! THAT'S A PROMISE! I AM REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SURE OF THAT! I PROMISE YOU THAT! YOU CAN REST REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ASSURED OF THAT! I GUARANTEE YOU THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @WovenGalaxy, your Family, your Friends, your Mother, your Brother, your Therapists, your Pdocs and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING! I AM TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY THAT YOU'RE HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY AND THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! I TRULY, REALLY AM! I AM REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SURE OF THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! I PROMISE YOU THAT! YOU CAN REST REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ASSURED OF THAT! GUARANTEE YOU THAT! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! YOU ARE LOVED REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY MUCH HERE BY MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY PEOPLE! THAT'S A PROMISE! I AM REALLY, REALLY, REALLY. REALLY, REALLY SURE OF THAT! I PROMISE YOUR THAT! YOU CAN REST REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ASSURED OF THAT! I GUARANTEE YOU THAT! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!!

[bpcyclist]

What a mess. What about getting your own place?

Thank you @MickeyCheeky and @bpcyclist !!!

I'm 36, my brother is 34. We are grown adults. I live on my own, not with them. My brother does live with them. I just stopped by there today to say hello, and decided to go with them. I do get financial support from my parents as I'm disabled, but I am working on getting a job. We do not fight like that very often. It has happened, but since I've improved myself and grown in the last 3 years, its happened much less. I try not to engage w him in a fight like that. I noticed though, that he has tried to engage me in a fight a few times in the recent past. This time we were in a car. There was nowhere to escape. I tried my best. I know I said some things on impulse too today that pissed him off. Like I said I didn't care. That's not true, I do. But I needed to get away from him. He was SO worked up and barraging me w anger and some insults and the things he was saying seemed distorted (like that I deliberately slammed the door to be hurtful to him).

I really wish my mother would get therapy. And my brother.

I think the hardest part if this is that I had a very difficult week symptom-wise. I was also rejected by two people. These are things I'm in pain over and need to process. I just feel so alone in life. Then this happened on top of it all.

I'm just worried I'm a person unworthy of love, and peoples commitment.

I just need a hug. Thank you.

I know, also, since I've cooled down, that I need to take responsibility for the way I acted too. When I shut the door and left, not only did that hurt my brother's ears, but it hurt his feeling too. I think he felt dismissed, something I hadn't intended for. I think we trigger each other. And its probably best to keep distance from him for now. I didn't like the way he handled it, and felt hurt by the things he said and stressed by his explosion. But yeah. That's all I've got right now. I ended up doing some housework, which helped, and I texted my mom some supportive words.