[melvyncty]

Hi everyone

My partner recently told me that he doesn't feel secure. He is having the feeling that he cannot lean on me. We are stable in the sense, we trust each other, we are honest with each other and we opened up to each other. He cannot express how the need for security arises (maybe due to family background, the family went through quick a bit of up and down? I suspect)

I have not been emotionally stable for the past months due to some family issues as well. He was there for me all the time.

We have talked this through and we are trying to make things work out for the both of us. I'm wondering if I can get any advice on how to make him feel more secure? I know I have some work to do on emotion control.

Thank you in advance.

[Skeezyks]

Hello melvyncty: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Coping with Emotions forum may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

And then here are links to 8 articles from Psych Central's archives. The first article is on attachment styles. The next 5 discuss how to help your partner feel more secure in your relationship as well as how to communicate more effectively. And the last 2 articles talk about when to consider seeking couples counseling:

What's My Attachment Style and Why Does It Matter? | Happily Imperfect

5 Ways to Help Your Partner Feel More Secure in the Relationship

How to Better Understand Your Partner

7 Simple Steps to Improve Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...er-feel-loved/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-esse...s-for-couples/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-sign...es-counseling/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/answer...es-counseling/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by melvyncty

Hi everyone

My partner recently told me that he doesn't feel secure. He is having the feeling that he cannot lean on me. We are stable in the sense, we trust each other, we are honest with each other and we opened up to each other. He cannot express how the need for security arises (maybe due to family background, the family went through quick a bit of up and down? I suspect)

I have not been emotionally stable for the past months due to some family issues as well. He was there for me all the time.

We have talked this through and we are trying to make things work out for the both of us. I'm wondering if I can get any advice on how to make him feel more secure? I know I have some work to do on emotion control.

Thank you in advance.

Unfortunately there isn't really a blanket answer for your question that will solve the problem. Well there is a general idea but here's the thing. Security from person to person is something that varies between them. What would make me feel secure in a relationship is going to likely be entirely different for another. So without involving him, it's hard to say. My answer would be - I don't know how new the relationship is...but communication is key here. He knows he feels insecure so somewhere in his mind he has an idea of what it is that's making him feel this way and talking it out with him as much as possible is going to get that answer. He may say he doesn't know but it's there otherwise there would be no insecurity, it's just a matter of asking the right questions.

really it's great that you're asking because it shows it matters to you how your behavior affects him and therefore there's a lot of hope for figuring it out. keep in mind like you said, his insecurity might not be your doing and though there may be things you can do to help, don't feel that this is entirely on you to fix.