[plynstrom266]

Hey guys and girls! Thanks in advance for reading and responding and I’ll try to keep it concise

I am a 25 year old female and I have sorta on and off been dating a 26 year old man with paranoid schizophrenia.

I met him at work and was slightly freaked out when he started telling me about his delusions, which involves thinking he was a vampire, but I decided to listen and read up on schizophrenia instead of getting scared away. He then about two days later told me to Google search his name, which I did, and the first thing that popped up was a news article about him stabbing his mom at a shopping centre when he was eighteen (she survived but suffered some injuries). Still, instead of judging and running in the other direction, I tried to understand and listened when he described experiencing a psychotic episode at that time.

Fast forward one year, we have been on and off again friends with benefits. There have been countless insults thrown at me, but he has never been violent and I’ve stuck by his side (I’m not interested in dating right now because I want to focus on school etc. and didn’t think I was losing anything).

Today, his insults were more scathing than normal. I don’t look perfect (I have a lot of very pigmented acne scars for example) but I think I’m a pretty girl and he himself has told me that I am beautiful many times in the past. Today, he decided to tell me that I was “ugly” and “very ugly” and it hurts. He called me ugly once before and because of that it makes me think that he believes it and is not just saying it purely out of anger. Furthermore, he was never good at making me feel pretty (unlike my ex boyfriend).

How do I stop myself from being hurt right now? And am I am idiot for ever sticking my nose into his life?

[lizardlady]

You hurt right now because hurtful things were said to you. Telling you not to hurt would be like telling you that you should not hurt after being punched in the nose. The only mitigating thing I can think of is could he currently be psychotic? Maybe he is not able to understand right now that what he said was hurtful?

[Fuzzybear]

Dump him please.

[plynstrom266]

Yeah, I deleted him off my phone and told him we won’t be talking anymore

[plynstrom266]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

You hurt right now because hurtful things were said to you. Telling you not to hurt would be like telling you that you should not hurt after being punched in the nose. The only mitigating thing I can think of is could he currently be psychotic? Maybe he is not able to understand right now that what he said was hurtful?

I don’t think he is going through a psychotic episode. He very often is rude, especially over text message, and routinely tells me to “**** off” and that he will find someone else. I never considered him a boyfriend, just sort of a friends with benefits type of deal

[Bill3]

Good move.

[Open Eyes]

Please find out why you would put low value on yourself and have someone like this in your life. This is not a friend, it's someone who has serious problems and is VERY unhealthy for you to spend any time with at all.

When someone starts treating you badly, walk away from them, realize you are worth more than to stay in any relationship where someone treats you badly.

You may be a caring person, but there are people out there in this world that will take advantage of that. When someone starts getting controlling or says mean accusing things to you or puts you down. WALK AWAY and stop interacting with them. TOXIC people have a hard time with that, they often look for some way to rant, vent, and express anger. So the faster you can get away and stay away the better.

Now that you rejected him, please be careful. He may try to take some kind of revenge. So don't go places alone and lock your doors too.

[plynstrom266]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Please find out why you would put low value on yourself and have someone like this in your life. This is not a friend, it's someone who has serious problems and is VERY unhealthy for you to spend any time with at all.

When someone starts treating you badly, walk away from them, realize you are worth more than to stay in any relationship where someone treats you badly.

You may be a caring person, but there are people out there in this world that will take advantage of that. When someone starts getting controlling or says mean accusing things to you or puts you down. WALK AWAY and stop interacting with them. TOXIC people have a hard time with that, they often look for some way to rant, vent, and express anger. So the faster you can get away and stay away the better.

Now that you rejected him, please be careful. He may try to take some kind of revenge. So don't go places alone and lock your doors too.

I’m just very naive. I just wanted to be there for someone who needs it. I thought that if I stuck around and was patient then he would trust me more and more and eventually we would become good friends. I also just made endless excuses for him because of his paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis

[ARaven0137]

I'm so sorry you went through that and I hope it gets better for you. I agree with the other posters, but I can empathize. I have a friend with BPD, whom I've known for a year. He began to turn toxic about six months ago and it got worse and worse. I kept feeling like I know this guy and he'll go back to normal soon. He finally imploded with ranting screamfests of him destroying his room and threatening self harm if I wouldn't be in a relationship with him.

My thoughts are with you and I think I understand what you've been through.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by plynstrom266

I’m just very naive. I just wanted to be there for someone who needs it. I thought that if I stuck around and was patient then he would trust me more and more and eventually we would become good friends. I also just made endless excuses for him because of his paranoid schizophrenia diagnosis

I understand and I am caring myself, but, when someone isn't nice then don't give them more power to be mean again. When someone shows you they can be mean, believe them and walk away. You didn't and he just showed you again and again. Learn to walk away, you are caring and kind and you deserve to be appreciated.

And you know what some mean/selfish people do? When you walk away they often takes further steps to show you they ARE mean because they begin to covertly gossip about you to others. That is really PROVING how you were so right to walk away from that person.

[divine1966]

I am glad to hear that you are done with this person. You can be nice and loving person yet not allow others to mistreat you. Being a good person doesn’t automatically make one naive or clueless and vise versa.

People always reveal themselves. The trick is to pay attention. He revealed himself and you figured you don’t need guy like him. Good for you figuring it out! Some people spend their whole life being oblivious and you figured it out at young age. Good job.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by plynstrom266

Yeah, I deleted him off my phone and told him we won’t be talking anymore

Good for you. No one deserves to be treated so cruelly. That is inexcusable cruelty, mental health disorder or not. Please be kind to yourself.

[sarahsweets]

Your BF is an asshole for saying that.

[Britedark]

Hi! I am saying this to you but this goes for anybody who is trying to help a person with a serious mental/personality disorder. You. Cannot. Help. Them. Only a trained therapist or psychiatrist can help them. In fact, not only can you NOT help, but you might accidentally exacerbate their condition or become an enabler.

Such a person is not fit to date or go into a relationship, unless his psychological problems are cured or under control, and he or she is under the supervision of a trained doctor/therapist. If your friend is still showing psychotic behaviour then he should immediately see a doctor about it. Either way, you are not competent to help him, and the best thing you can do is walk away from him, which you have. You did the right thing, and I think it is for the best if you don't try to help or fix such persons in the future. Instead, try to find healthy, well adjusted people to hang out with.

[Open Eyes]

I agree with Britebark, there are times when interacting with someone is not safe and that other person needs to get help from a professional.

I have dealt with that when interacting in a relationship with someone who has a problem with alcohol. I was treated badly and had to walk away. It was up to that person to address their challenge and the only thing I could do is support that effort. Sometimes that means distancing completely, but definitely when the person lashes out and refuses to recognize they have a problem or get help with it, same thing. I was "nice" but ended up unknowingly becoming an enabler and the individual lashed out at me, so I walked away because I do not want to be someone's "enabler". And these individuals can get mean and angry when you call them out and stop being their enabler.

What you got involved in is also called being an enabler. You stayed even though this guy treated you badly. You felt sorry for him, you are naive so learn from this and don't be "nice" like this again where you accept the role of enabler.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by plynstrom266

Hey guys and girls! Thanks in advance for reading and responding and I’ll try to keep it concise

I am a 25 year old female and I have sorta on and off been dating a 26 year old man with paranoid schizophrenia.

I met him at work and was slightly freaked out when he started telling me about his delusions, which involves thinking he was a vampire, but I decided to listen and read up on schizophrenia instead of getting scared away. He then about two days later told me to Google search his name, which I did, and the first thing that popped up was a news article about him stabbing his mom at a shopping centre when he was eighteen (she survived but suffered some injuries). Still, instead of judging and running in the other direction, I tried to understand and listened when he described experiencing a psychotic episode at that time.

Fast forward one year, we have been on and off again friends with benefits. There have been countless insults thrown at me, but he has never been violent and I’ve stuck by his side (I’m not interested in dating right now because I want to focus on school etc. and didn’t think I was losing anything).

Today, his insults were more scathing than normal. I don’t look perfect (I have a lot of very pigmented acne scars for example) but I think I’m a pretty girl and he himself has told me that I am beautiful many times in the past. Today, he decided to tell me that I was “ugly” and “very ugly” and it hurts. He called me ugly once before and because of that it makes me think that he believes it and is not just saying it purely out of anger. Furthermore, he was never good at making me feel pretty (unlike my ex boyfriend).

How do I stop myself from being hurt right now? And am I am idiot for ever sticking my nose into his life?

This is all in him please don't blame yourself and don't listen to anybody who tells you that you are ugly. This guy need to get treatment for mental health. Please dump this guy. You don't deserve to be around someone like that even if he just a friend he don't deserve to be with you.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Your BF is an asshole for saying that.

I agree.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Dump him please.

I agree!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by plynstrom266

Yeah, I deleted him off my phone and told him we won’t be talking anymore

Good for you. Please do something nice for yourself. You earn it.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Britedark

Hi! I am saying this to you but this goes for anybody who is trying to help a person with a serious mental/personality disorder. You. Cannot. Help. Them. Only a trained therapist or psychiatrist can help them. In fact, not only can you NOT help, but you might accidentally exacerbate their condition or become an enabler.

Such a person is not fit to date or go into a relationship, unless his psychological problems are cured or under control, and he or she is under the supervision of a trained doctor/therapist. If your friend is still showing psychotic behaviour then he should immediately see a doctor about it. Either way, you are not competent to help him, and the best thing you can do is walk away from him, which you have. You did the right thing, and I think it is for the best if you don't try to help or fix such persons in the future. Instead, try to find healthy, well adjusted people to hang out with.

That is great advice!

[lady411]

You seem like a person that has a big heart that just wants to help someone you care about. But the truth is you can’t help him. It’s is completely out of your control and your ability. He needs professional help and only he can decide when he will get it.
I think the reason he is being mean to you is simply to lash out at you for not wanting to continue a relationship with him because it scars his ego. It’s is probably best not to continue any type of friendship or relationship with him until you know for sure he is getting the help he needs and is willing to accept calmly that you and him won’t continue to have a romantic relationship.