trust issue

I have trouble trusting others, especially my husband. We have a big problem with him following through with out me nagging. I hate to nag and I hate the atttitude I get when I ask him to do things. I also get really frustrated when he doesn't follow through on tasks he often volunteers to take care of. Needless to say this doesn't help my trust issue. I have over and over again emphasized the importance of him following through with tasks to earn my tasks. We always end up in the same place. This week we have had issues with him following through. I called the therapist today to set up an appt, but they are on vacation I think. Our next appt isn't until the 17th. I am thinking of "declaring independence" I want to start taking care of me and just me like he does. Why should I follow through with his demands and his needs when he doesn't do the same for me? I am seriously thinking about this because I am sick of trying to depend on him. I will take care of my meals, my laundry, my pets and my messes. Thats it! I wanted to run this passed my therapists. I have a feeling they won't agree. What do you guys think. Also, I have just begun meds. I am wondering if these feelings are a sign that I need an increase. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance!

Meachie

Well here is a follow up. I talked with my therapist. She did suggest a med increase. Also, to encourage hubby to continue to write things down on his board or on paper. I think it was a wake up call to him that I had called her. He really didn't see an issue or that I was pretty angry with him, since I have really been trying to not make issues. She called back when he was home from work.

I am kinda concerned that T is just using meds as the answer to our problems. I think we do have issues that need to be worked on and drugs are not the answer. Has anyone ever felt this way?

I am still new to therapy, so it may just be me misunderstanding my own problem.

Meachie

While I think meds are a good thing I think rarely (if ever) are they a total fix. Without meds, if there is a chemical inbalance in the brain, you could work on issues day and night and not get anywhere. Once they are working, you can then be receptive to fixing issues.

How long have you been on your meds? I hope the doc gave you good information along with them... it takes a while for them to work, could be several weeks until you feel a change, and six weeks or more for them to have full effect... so don't expect the meds, or a change in dose, to take effect right away.

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--http://www.idexter.com
<div class="foot">(Edited by dexter on 08/06/04 05:12 PM.)</div>

Hmmm no not meds alone but... from your post it looks like there IS therapy going on... you called your T she called when hubby was home from work... an issue is on the table... she wants him to do some stuff .... that sure sounds like therapy going on to me....

hang in there, once the meds begin working, you might assess things easier

I guess the whole issue here is perception. You percieve an inequality with chores and to-do's ...etc. If that is how you feel then it is real to you, so meds might help, but you also seem to know what you want and need for things to get better, which is good. I really think you are on the right track, so keep on going and give the meds a chance and after they are in effect, then reconsider some issues. My hubbie helps with everything in the house and if I need for him to help he is always willing. When I was working 50-60 hrs. a week, very high stress job, we did our own caring for, he did his, and I did mine. The bottom line is, if mama ain't happy then no one is. hang in there pal.

Yeah I have been on meds for about 5 weeks now. I am on Paxil and just went from 12.5 to 25 mg. Dr. didn't give me any infor at all. I am good about finding things out on my own though. Part of my problem with taking drugs is that my previous counselor thought of meds as being a last option after trying everything else. I almost considered going to her again regarding my problems now because she was really good about providing me with strategies. However she is in another state, and the drive is pretty far. Though before I was a much less depressed person. I was pretty down when I started seeing this one. The meds have worked wonders. She suggested them just after 3 sessions which I though was kinda hasty. Then when I have problems she is pushing more drugs. I am getting better though and that is what matters. Thanks for the replies :-)

Meachie