Am I putting to much importance on me?

Last night my gf and I got into a argument.
She had work for 8 hours and gained a headache. While I was driving her back, we didnt talk except for one time and it was a very relaxing drive.

When we got home I started talking about the dogs and how they were acting really well and then talked about our interests. Then all of a sudden she came over and asked me, "do you find your voice annoying?". I paused and looked at her kind of confused. Then I said, "ummm.... I guess not?". Then she responded saying, "I was just wondering cause you talk alot! Like you talked the whole time we were driving and now your talking now.". I said, "oh, sorry. I guess I was just excited to see you I didnt notice. Also, I didnt talk the whole time we were driving cause it was super quiet in the car and you almost fell alseep". So I stopped talking, and then she pulled up a show on her phone a minute later... which made me really irritated cause she would rather listen to a show talking then interact eachother has to say?

Anyways, then I said that it's really strange that you would rather listen to a show then communicate with eachother. She explained that it was because she had a headache. And I said "oh, I didnt realize you had a headache. If I knew I wouldnt have talked to u at all. I wish you could have told me that you had a headache instead of saying that I like to listen to my own voice". She said that she will do that next time then started watching her show again.

Then it was time for bed and I asked her if she wanted to watch a show. She said yes, but she wanted to watch a show that was different from me. So I suggested that we could pick a show we both wanted to watch, she didnt say anything and kept watching her show. I got up and said, "I guess I'll just sleep in the other room". And she just said "ok" and continued watching her show.

I messaged her while I was in the other room saying, "you would rather watch ur show then pick a show we both want to watch? Did you notice that I was upset?" And she just responded with that she was tired and just wanted to go to bed.

So, I ended up sleep by myself and cried myself to sleep cause she doesnt seem to care that I was upset.

Now I just feel like I made a huge fuss over nothing... like maybe I just got upset over nothing and I shouldnt expect her to come comfort me when I feel like she doesnt care about us.

I guess I'm confused cause I would have gone right to her if she messaged me that she was upset, but she didnt for me... she just wanted to watch her show.

It sounds like you two have pretty different needs, she seems to need alone time, and you like together time- a lot more often.
If you two talk about it you might find good compromises so you don't hurt each other's feelings.
Relationships can be ok when people are different this way, it's about knowing and respecting each other, communication in a rational caring way, and compromises that keep things balanced.
You don't have to be scared about it, this is a good time to learn about who you are in a relationship. And what you want and need, and same for her.

She could have said something similar. She could have said that you would rather leave her alone than stay with her and watch her show.

*****

One type of compromise is to find a show both want to watch.

Another type of compromise is to watch her show this time and your show next time.

What would you think of this second type of compromise?

Well, I really hope you guys can sort through this. I do.

That said, I was with a very strong-willed, brilliant, cunning, at times incredibly loving and generous, at other times, verbally and physically abusive (to me, not kids) woman for 12 years. I loved her and I still love her. Can't help it. But she was always and continues to this day after we are over to find every possible opportunity to make critical remarks to me about me. I have never actually met someone who spoke to me the way she did/does. Ever. She is extremely impatient and I am extremely patient, so that may be part of it. Always in a hurry, hurry, hurry.

But she has made so many exceedingly hurtful comments to me over the years that I just will never forget many of them. She has a marked cruel streak in her--it's a fact. She derives pleasure from hurting others--sometimes. Clearly. She obviously has some major personality disorder traits. Just a whole lot of pain from her.

I tell you this because I actually, with this history of mine, have a bit of a different take on your story. I am worried. I hope this remark by her was just an ill-considered one-off. But if it is a pattern, if it is seeming to become one, you just need to be aware, that some people just have a bit of a hypercritical streak. Sometimes, even a cruel streak. They may try to hide it from "the public," as it can interfere with employment and so forth. In my experience, this has been ingrained into the fiber of this person's being, likely arising out of some past/childhood perhaps disasters. Who knows.

Just saying, if this continues, to me, that is a massive red flag. Doesn't matter if you love her or if she says she loves you. If she treats you like sh**, it ain't gonna work.

Wishing you the best here.

I agree with Bpcyclist. If this is an ongoing pattern of her being inconsiderate of your needs, self-absorbed and nasty at times; this is a red flag my friend. There is a difference between having an attitude because you have a headache, and having an attitude because you cannot control/no awareness of your emotional self. I love the saying “hurt people hurt people” because it shows us that a person cannot treat you any better than how they treat themselves. So if your girlfriend is a moody, prickly personality kinda person, she cannot give you the intimacy, warmth, soft cuddles and affection you desire. Perhaps you need to understand who she is and that will show you what she can and can’t offer you. From then on, you have a choice whether to accept her for who she is and what she can and can’t give you, or walk away and seek someone who can meet your core needs.

I hope all goes well!