[Eleny]

I am in a toxic relationship and can’t seem to leave. It’s been 5 months so still early days. He has lied several times, about different things. I found out he had been meeting up with a friend I had no clue existed. When I found out about her (she called him one evening) he said she was just a friend. I later found out however she was an ex who he became friends with after. He apologised and said he’ll do anything to not lose me, and he told her he can’t see her again, but I can’t get over the lies and the hurt. On one occasion he also talked about how I have small boobs and he’d usually prefer bigger which caused me to feel extremely insecure.

The relationship has made me feel so low, so hurt and so insecure, but I can’t seem to leave. I think I’m just so afraid of being alone. I really need to let go but can’t seem to do it. I wondered if anyone might have any advice?

[Have Hope]

Yes. Pull that band-aid off, face your biggest fears of being alone, and break up with him.

Think of breaking up as being for your own mental health, your sanity, and for YOU.

When you feel low, hurt and this insecure in a relationship, what value is it bringing to your life? NOTHING. It's bringing you DOWN, rather than UP. A relationship is meant to ENHANCE our lives... it is not meant to make us FEEL BAD INSIDE. And you feel bad inside. Time to leave.

So what's the worst that happens with being alone? What's your biggest fear? That no one will want you again? That's false. That you cannot find anyone else to be with? That's false. That being alone now means you will be alone forever? That's false. Our biggest fears in being alone usually are due to false thinking.

Being alone can be a benefit to ONESELF. It can be a happy and fulfilling time.

What haven't you done for yourself in a long time? Are there hobbies or interests you wish to pursue that you haven't? Do you want to find more friends to hang out with? Being single has many advantages... it's a great time to do some important self-development work in order to feel happy again.

So, pull the band-aid off and get rid of this jerk. Anyone who tells you they wish your boobs were bigger is NOT a nice person.... he WANTED to make you feel insecure.

So just do it!!!! Get rid of him. You can do it! I'm cheering you on. Hugs.

[MickeyCheeky]

Try to see it like this: if you keep staying with him, you will burn your chances of meeting someone else who TRULY Loves You and Respect You. You actually risk being alone the more you stay in this relationship in my opinion! Definitely take all the courage you need and break it up with him. You have the strength and you're brave! Always remember that! You will find someone else. I am SURE of that! However, please take care of yourself first. You are the priority! Remember that you're NEVER alone here! We are here for You! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Eleny, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Bill3]

How did things go the last time that you were alone?

[Lavieilamant]

Eleny, I am going through my own pain right now and I completely understand how you may be feeling. I found a journal entry dated 6 months into the relationship where I completely rationalized the actions of my (then) verbally abusive partner. If I had followed my gut I would not have ended up financially drained, mentally in shambles, cheated on and healing from a fractured rib a year later.

Follow your gut. Your instincts are usually right because they are prompting you to look out for your best interest. If he felt it was okay to lie to you about the person before, he will likely lie to you again about something else that is just as important. Apologies are great but they mean nothing after the fact, especially if he did not come clean himself. Your partner should be telling you how great your boobs are, no matter the size. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior FOR ANY REASON.

Being alone can make you feel sad, I won't lie. However there is a certain magic to the freedom of being single. For one thing, you have the freedom to choose again. To take care of yourself, be comfortable being alone so that you know that you won't end up with another toxic person just because you want to feel love. This is my personal opinion, from my experience. People like that will only continue to take advantage of your kindness and your desire to love.

Be prepared for rage when you try to break things off. Especially if they keep saying they don't want to lose you. They may try to belittle you or say that you won't find anyone else like them, or anyone else who would put up with you just to make you second guess yourself. They may even threaten to harm themselves if you leave. Do not let this deter you because the truth is that they will get up, dust themselves off and move on to finding their next prey. It's happened to me multiple times in my short 24 years of life and it's only this last horrible relationship that drove the point home for me. Don't let it get to the point of no return before choosing yourself - the PTSD from the trauma is not fun at all.

Believe in yourself! You can do it

Sending hugs, strength, kindness and compassion.

[~Christina]

Yes being alone can be hard.... but why put up with lies ??? You only have 5 months invested so not long. First 6 months plus with a lover should be in that fantastic honeymoon stage.

Troubles this soon ? Nope walk away

Don’t settle , ever. You deserve better

Being alone is hard. Being with an abusive partner is even more difficult. Like it's been said already, 5 months is not very long.

Do you live by yourself, with roommates, or with family? Do you live with him?

He's cheated on you, verbally abused you and has lied to you. Ask yourself why you think you deserve to be with a guy like that?