Coercive control

Love is the opposite of control. When someone wants to control what you have to think, what you have to believe, what you have to wear, every aspect in your life, insults you, think the worst from you without basement, just because it’s in his head, doesn’t love you or respect you.
There’s no a space for understanding and communication. You are the guilty one, the evil...no matter what you can say. It’s only a solo on his part. A solo that on one side makes you feel very tiny, frustrated and on another side, you little by little, end up feeling in the opposite pole, so far and detached.

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. How can we best support you in this?

This is the first time I share openly about this matter with someone. I commented a little details with a psychologist some years ago and I got shocked when I heard from her that it was emotional abuse.
I always knew something wasn’t ok and we even went to couple therapy but he didn’t do the work proposed by the therapist.
I admit that most of the time I put the blamed more onto myself because of my psychological issues and because I’m very sensitive and not a very easy going person. So, somehow I put this topic apart and didn’t feel strong to face to it. Now, I feel stronger and I wouldn’t like to worry anyone else because I have social support from my family. I’m not alone but still I haven’t taken a decision or talked to anybody around me about this topic. I don’t want to worry or get anybody else involve since I’m not physically afraid. He’s not physically abuser, at least with me. He has broken some stuff and I hate it. He’s mainly emotional controlling. So, I’m the one who has to give the steps. I think I’m capable of doing it.

Controlling people especially in long term relationships are self-centered, they don't care about the feeling or the opinion of the other controlled part, it looks like, do it, don't do this, no,no....it makes u feel like your role and ur right of expressing yourself, ur skills ur language even ur voice are all confiscated or they all became pointless, like your weight in the space! No gravity!
U live independent life if you're in constant close proximity to them. Controlling behavior limits your skills, enchaining ur feet,...
Controlling and love are two separated ways, controlling a person, means dominating him\her denying him\her from rights and frombeing him\herself.
Controlling includes constant criticism, automatically this would reduce your self confidence.
I'm glad that got closer to ur family.

Another way of controlling is to try to isolated you from your family. Creating discomfort between you and them. And this, nobody else is gonna get it anymore. I can assure it now.

The last way of controlling that u just have mentioned, it has gone further than any sort of controlling, and it has gone beyond the typical mental abuse that we all know!
This is villain and malicious and manifesting big selfishness,
Isolating u from ur family and creating discomfort between u and them, it is like cutting the last tiny line of getting help from the outside world!
Like tearing down the last bridge of help and support, cutting any incoming supplies to stave to death, in order to only be in need for him!!
This is not controlling this is an obvious colonization!

I know it. Because of my issues: Lack of confidence, doubts about my worthiness...I also tend to see myself in a second place so it was no difficult for me to be confused and have doubts about if I meant something to my relatives. But, I’m awake now.

The bright side in the story that u are awake, before it is too late.

Thank you, fuzzy!

Oh dear. Either you stand up for yourself and protect your rights to be your own person, with your own voice and a right to your own choices and independence, or you eventually die slowly bit by bit until nothing is left of you.

I’m glad that I’m aware of it.
Thank. you.

Hey, awareness is a beautiful first step!!!!

Agree. Awareness it’s already the first and most important step. Because only from it you can begin to built.
Thanks :-)

Hugs to you.

Thanks to you for the good vibes.

Love is the opposite of control. I completely agree. This person makes me feel very grrrr on your behalf. As you say, its only a solo on their part. There is no space for understanding and communication.
''They'' are, apparently, never guilty.

I think detaching from this person would be wise.

At least, there’s one thing I have very clear now. You are not gonna convince this person to change his behaviour unless this person wants to change by himself.

I have been for so many years hitting my head on a wall and blaming myself for being how I am, you know, my psychological issues along with too much sensitivity, not an easy-going person at all, that I believed maybe it was all my fault and hesitated when I gave a step forward to stand up for myself.
As American people say, “it takes two to tango”.