[DeanLee]

So, I've known this girl for about half a year. When we first met we clicked like soul mates and even said it to each other multiple times, leading up to us going out. She told me beforehand she's apathetic and maybe aromantic, and asexual. I drove over 300 miles each direction to see her in person, we cuddled the first day for 8 hours watching youtube, she never deflected any advances. We realized later it was out of excitement, which caused her to break up with me.

Some of the particular things that stood out were that she said she did it to "Not feel broken". "Things felt off" and it's because she's aromantic. While everyone tells me she was just using me for her own purposes, I kept just trying to look past that, and her being aro didn't bother me. The break up hurt me and I just went on a downward spiral of mental health, and kept bothering her about how we could fix things. Which is my wrong, when she just wanted to be friends. Gradually it got her to be distant from me even as a friend and I got scared. I wrote her a letter explaining that I've finally let go not even a week ago, I guess I wrote it wrong because she stated that "I liked it at first but it turned into a love letter, it's obsessive and creepy" I only intended it to say "I still have feelings for you, but I'm fine being friends."

I sent her the letter, and it all just blew up, I freaked out, we argued, and now she's done, and won't give me the time of day to explain. Nothing works. She's gone. It hurts and is hard to let go. I want her back in my life, I don't care if it's as friends. What should I do?

[Yaowen]

Hi DeanLee,

I am so sorry things are so painful for you. Your feelings seem very understandable to me. Wish I could offer some advice but I don't why people's brains choose one thing rather than another. It is a total mystery to me why people do the things they do and often I don't even understand why I do things. I sure hope things work for you so you can be happy and at peace again. You deserve that!

- Yaowen

[Open Eyes]

You sound very young and inexperienced when it comes to relationships. You actually pointed out several things about this girl that meant she was never going to be a good match for you. She IS NOT for you and it's no use in lamenting about her and that really isn't healthy for you either. What you experienced isn't love either, it's you wanting to experience love, big difference. Let this one go and let yourself look for another female, don't be too impatient about being in love either. You will need time to find yourself "first" before you jump into loving another person.

[Molinit]

A rock broke up with you. Someone who feels almost nothing. It's not a loss at all. Be glad. Go find a person who has the desire and ability to feel something.

[~Christina]

Your missing what YOU thought she could be for you. She is who she is and won’t change.

Walk away..

[Have Hope]

Thing is, she told you before all this that she is apathetic, maybe aromantic and asexual. So were you trying to change her into something she is not? It's kind of like trying to date someone who tells you they prefer the same sex, and then trying to get them to change their entire sexual orientation, you know? Some things in people just cannot be changed, especially something that is fundamental.

I would let this person go. Don't contact her again, it would be harassing her at that point. But maybe think about your own motives here and what you were trying to accomplish with someone who told you these things about herself.

[sarahsweets]

IMO 6 months isnt long enough to be soul mates.

[DeanLee]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Thing is, she told you before all this that she is apathetic, maybe aromantic and asexual. So were you trying to change her into something she is not? It's kind of like trying to date someone who tells you they prefer the same sex, and then trying to get them to change their entire sexual orientation, you know? Some things in people just cannot be changed, especially something that is fundamental.

I would let this person go. Don't contact her again, it would be harassing her at that point. But maybe think about your own motives here and what you were trying to accomplish with someone who told you these things about herself.

I should mention that, when I met her, it was me she was into. She would praise me for who I was and my looks, going as far as saying "I've converted a lesbian to bisexual" We clicked because we had so much in common, and understood each other's humor. I had no intention in changing her, I liked her for who she is, and I was fully willing to work with her for who she is. However, I understand where everyone is coming from. I appreciate all the help thus far. Really means a lot.

[Open Eyes]

You have learned a lesson with this person. Don't be so eager to give your heart away. There are going to be others who tell you how wonderful you are, they will groom you and toss you because they genuinely don't know how to care the way YOU want them to. There are lots of people who will gravitate to you because they will see you are young and impressionable. A person can get so hurt and question their self worth and when that happens, it typically means you have been involved with a person who doesn't know how to value and care about others the way you deserve. As you experience life and different people you will find that toxic people can actually be very charismatic and charming and you may even think "found a soul mate". That's what these people WANT you to think, but it's not genuine and it's more about that other person gaining a sense of power when they get control over you.

[DeanLee]

Wow, I hadn't given it thought like that. I'll be sure to be cautious next time. This really helps me feel a lot better about the situation and myself. You're right, this is a powerful lesson I will keep with me for my future endeavors. I'll be sure to develop myself more as a person as well, as you've said, Open Eyes, and really get to know the next one as friends. You were right, I was eager to give away my heart, I thought in a way this was the end of the road for me, because, in my mind, she was the one, and there would be no one better. I really began thinking about our future already and was ready to change my life accordingly. Now that I read that to myself, it sounds very irrational and irresponsible of me to do that to myself, and the other person, especially if they aren't ready to commit on that level yet, and/or we haven't been together long enough. Given the circumstances, heh...
You guys have made things more clear for me, and I respect and take in every opinion.

To conclude. I will be more careful next time. Take time instead of jumping into things. I will be more respectful, clear and considerate. Thank you, everyone. I'll just need to take time to let these emotions flow through at this point.

[Open Eyes]

Dean, like I said, you are young yet and just learning the ropes and you are eager too. BELEIVE ME, you will find others and make it a point to TAKE YOUR TIME. Everyone loves to feel love and part of that is coming from coming of age to mate, it's nature's trick and can literally brainwash a person. You have plenty of time yet to explore, find yourself FIRST and then think about what kind of person would be a good match for you.