[dsh74]

Our son's wife is older than him by 14 years. They have her 20 yr. old son and 18 yr. old son living with them. But the 20 yr. old has a 16 yr. old girlfriend and they have 2 little boys, ages almost 2&3. The 18 yr. old son now has his 19 yr. old girlfriend living there.
It's been too much for way too long. The boys won't get jobs and keep them. Our daughter-in-law was just in the hospital about a week and a half ago with a bleeding ulcer. Ended up needing 4 units of blood. Almost as bad as my husband's, needing 7 before.
Anyway, some help is needed here. The kids won't make sure house is clean when they get home. Both our son and she work full time jobs and have 2 paper routes.
The young parents were locking the babies in their room too. It's just horrible. A nightmare, it has been. And I'm fearful for our son and her health and well being. Now it's gone way too far for the new girlfriend of the youngest son, to think she can live there too. She has no job either, wouldn't you know.
Never would have guessed such a life for our son. He would like to become a highway patrolman, but they have a lot of ignored debts, etc. not in their favor. And he says they couldn't use any income tax money to help towards any of that, why, probably because they feel like they need to give some of it to the "kids", which they've always done!
Thought of calling Nanny 911. Need some advice, prayer, maybe outside people with advice or counsel for them. This can't continue. I thought make a suggestion about daycare if the young dad would work, and pitch in money. Even if the little ones went there for a few days every other week. It could help maybe, would be nice for something to make a difference.
Sure, they probably need to just kick them out. But what, on the street? Our son and wife want freedom, but not to kick them out on the street. Some planning needs done. Still the older "kids" won't do things on their own. And they need a life of their own, in more ways than one. It's not healthy for them either!

[helpless_mommy]

(((hugz))) I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully they will be able to figure something out. I have no idea what it would be though.

[Perna]

Geez, that's a tough one. Do you have a relationship at all with either of the two boys? Can you help with putting up the younger one and his girlfriend and "counseling" them/helping them to get jobs? I think if I were squeezed in there (the kids) that I'd want a little room so if you could offer a basement or some place to make their own for a bit with clear rules and "help" of some sort, that could be an incentive?

If it gets too chaotic and nothing is working, I'd call social services to see about the very young kids. Do you know your daughter-in-law's parents; could they be of any help uniting with you?

[youOme]

sounds like a very chaotic situation...something needs to happen for sure.

[Doh2007]

Just keep loving them and praying Grace for them.

[curley]

I dont know, maybe I am way off but why not give them all an ultimatum. Get a job by a certain time, and or make sure the house is clean and dinner is made, etc. . The son has nerve adding another girl friend. The sons are not being considerate if they cant even keep the house up. I am thinking they will stay there until they are made to do something about their situation. They all get free room and board! How long do your son and his wife think they should let freeloaders live there, family or no family.

[dsh74]

Hi again,
Thanks to all of you for your comments. As far as her parents, her mom died a couple years ago and her dad is really not well. Her sisters have kind of the same problems too.
They have tried the ultimatums, it might work for awhile, then tapers off. Someone seems to need to be there all the time, to hold their hands. We thought if a list was made of things to be done, it might help. But the momma of the two little ones, she might be a co-dependent. She expects things to be done for her, way over the ordinary. She doesn't want to do a lot with her boys, even expects her "boyfriend", dad of boys, to get her plate of food, yet complains if it's not done right.
She just sits like a little princess when they come to our house. Won't change diapers, fetch the diaper bag or anything.
I think there might be a lot of fears there. They don't have really any interaction with other people besides family. So, yeah, lots of prayer needed. Things at times seem like they're improving some, then I get all worried again, because I see that it seems they really aren't or haven't.
I want to trust God and His ways and that prayer works and I know it does. But, yet... Sometimes we need to do things to help, when things keep on in the same pattern. It's not healthy for anyone. Some changes need made.
Thanks for any more advice, etc. And sorry it took me awhile to get back on here.

[50guy]

Sound like it's time for tough love.
I'd give the house a clean sweep, every non working adult is on the sidewalk at 0700 activly looking for work. Yes, take the kids with you and when one goes into a business to seek employment the other is outside watching the kids. If your not working within a few weeks, don't expect to eat here. The shelter is just up the road or the next town over.

I don't take care of other peoples kids and them aren't his to care for. make that boy become a man and take responsibility. Your son needs to take charge....he wants to be a Hiway Patrolman and allows this stuff to go on in his house??? By God, I'd love to come over there and put things in order. I have no, zero, sympathy for lazy people.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

I knew there was something I liked about that guy... (he reminds me of me) I can understand family ties and children etc...but I also know human nature, its not really helping them to keep them from the consequences of their actions. (enabling)

[Doh2007]

You cannot control the lives of adult children. You asked for advice, so my advice is to stay out of it. This is the life your son chose. It's his problem, not yours.

If you think children are being abused, you need to call protective services.

That said, I'm still totally sympathetic. It's the hardest thing in the world to watch our children suffer the consequences of their actions.