[NeedHelp104]

Hi.

I'll try to shorten this up best I can. My cousin and I live far away (she lives in Miami, I live in L.A.). She came up to L.A. I was so happy, and she visited me frequently and we would text each other often and it seemed like we developed a strong bond. This continued for about a year. However, she decided to move back to Miami for her career 6 months ago. Since then, she barely responds to my messages or anything. i'd have to text her 5 or so times for her to respond and I find it apparent she does not want to interact with me. I once texted her and said I needed to talk to her asap for advice and I never got a response. I feel like she only talked to/visited me in L.A. because she knew no one else while she was here. Currently, she goes on vacations, etc. and it's like how do you NOT have the 10 seconds in your day to write me back? My new years resolution is to cut people out of my life who use me and don't want anything to do with me. I plan on giving up and if she texts me for anything I'm not writing her back. What are your guys thoughts?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by NeedHelp104

Hi.

I'll try to shorten this up best I can. My cousin and I live far away (she lives in Miami, I live in L.A.). She came up to L.A. I was so happy, and she visited me frequently and we would text each other often and it seemed like we developed a strong bond. This continued for about a year. However, she decided to move back to Miami for her career 6 months ago. Since then, she barely responds to my messages or anything. i'd have to text her 5 or so times for her to respond and I find it apparent she does not want to interact with me. I once texted her and said I needed to talk to her asap for advice and I never got a response. I feel like she only talked to/visited me in L.A. because she knew no one else while she was here. Currently, she goes on vacations, etc. and it's like how do you NOT have the 10 seconds in your day to write me back? My new years resolution is to cut people out of my life who use me and don't want anything to do with me. I plan on giving up and if she texts me for anything I'm not writing her back. What are your guys thoughts?

Have you tried any other mode but texting?

When people move away it isn't uncommon for them to not have as much contact. But if she's totally ignoring your texts, that smells of shallowness.

Example: a friend who I had just became close to moved out of state. But we still text throughout the week and tell jokes and support each other. Occasionally we go a week or two without checking in, but we hear from each other regularly.

I would confront your cousin directly but compassionately. Obviously moving and getting a new network of friends and getting into the grove of a new city is overwhelming and time-consuming. But if she's totally ignoring you, that's not right. If she really cares about you, she'd at least be responding to a few of them.

[MickeyCheeky]

I COMPLETELY agree with seesaw, @NeedHelp104! I am not sure if she was "using" you but it does seem weird. Try to talk to her about ALL of this and see how it goes from there. Perhaps she didn't want to hurt your feelings but Life just happened. Give it a try. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NeedHelp104, your Family, your Friends, your Cousin and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Britedark]

Hi NeedHelp104,

I am guilty of behaving like your cousin at times. It is possible that I am a selfish person, but I never want to intentionally hurt anybody. I am usually so caught up in living 'in the moment' that it often becomes out of sight, out of mind for me. I am also an introvert, and I feel a paralyzing anxiety whenever someone calls me on the phone. So lots of times I don’t pick up. I do make it a point to reply to all texts unless I am really busy, and then also I make it a point to answer asap.

My point in saying all this is that people do things for all kinds of reasons. So please don't feel bad, thinking your cousin used you. Maybe she did, but there is also a chance that she meant you no harm. You can try talking to her, if she is willing to explain herself. If you are comfortable cutting people out, then you can go ahead and do it. If it is stressful for you, maybe you can move on and give her the benefit of the doubt?

maybe she doesn't have service where she lives? I don't. you can text me all you want & I don't get the messages until I move in toan area with phone service. that may be days, weeks later.

or, at some point, she may be busy with other matters and just not have her phone handy all the time. I know at work we are not permitted to have our phones with us. so...text away, i'm not going to see it until after my shift (6-8 hrs later) and then I have to go to a place with service to respond if I feel like it.

or...she may just be prioritizing your messages if you are sending many of them. perhaps she has a life and is just busy.

so, you can get all ticked off and never text her or toss her off a cliff and never respond. or you can perhaps just chill, and maybe send less texts and relax knowing perhaps she will respond when she gets a chance. depends on if you value her as a person or just value if she terxts you quickly.

personal value or speed of response

[divine1966]

If she never ever responds then to you, then it’s a bit strange. But if she simply takes long to respond or respond to only some messages, then maybe she is just busy. I have some old friends who perpetually upset I don’t respond as often or as fast, but they don’t work and I do and I am very busy and have other priorities

I don't know if she was using you or not.

What I do know, is that she's being a bad friend, and you deserve better. I'm sorry her sudden disinterest hurt you. (that would hurt most ppl!) Try to find a way to take care of yourself and not overly focus on her. It sounds like you are cutting her out of your life? Good call. At the same time, maybe there's a reason for her behavior. You could ask before you decide to cut her out. Up to you.

Edit: I think my response was clouded by my own memories of a very bad friend no longer in my life. I agree with the other posters that you need to examine this more closely, ask her if you can. Like seesaw said, this kind of thing can happen when ppl move away. It may be cut n dry, it may not be.

Do you have other friends and things going on in your life besides your cousin? If not, it would help you to have a more fulfilling life.

[possum220]

It does sound rather convenient for her. If you are the only one one that contacts the other then it also sounds like friendship is on her terms.

Personally if I am the one making all the effort then it's not a two way friendship. At that point I would stop contacting her and see how long it takes her to contact you.

Next time she wants to visit you maybe suggest that you would like some time in Miami.

[Open Eyes]

Your cousin sounds young. Maybe she is in a stage in her life where she isn't really appreciating others like she should due to her immaturity.

[sarahsweets]

I am not anti-texting but when its an important or emotional issue I avoid it and call the person.If you have called and left messages then I personally would call one last time, ask for what you need and leave it at that.