[birdcrazy]

My husband passed away in December...

Anyway this is what's happening... I'm in quarantine with my uncle and my "cousin by marriage" who is his roommate.

See, every relationship I get involved with, I develop paranoia that they are out to scam me, take advantage of me, etc...

My uncle I've mistrusted for years but I love him enough being my uncle that right now we're cool.

My cousin my marriage however is making the moves on me.... A little, and I tease him back... But I'm starting to have paranoia too toward him...

And even my former husband I kept imagining senerios in my head he was doing this or that, etc... That turned out not to be true...

How can I learn to trust better?

[TunedOut]

I am sorry about your husband--you will see him again someday.

IMO paranoia comes from a sense of fear--our body's fight or flight response.

Perhaps overcoming fear is a little different for everyone but I have definitely had paranoia at times. Since my 2015 nervous breakdown, I have been slowly learning to accept the things I cannot control. Late last year, I surrendered to the fear and began trusting that I am protected and that if something bad happens, it is for my highest good. So I have not been fearful for a while allowing me to see things more clearly. I achieved this through reading and viewing spiritual/philosophical information. I try to consume more uplifting information -- I am limiting how much I listen to all the COVID-19 news. If I feel myself becoming irritated by someone, I take a break from them. I have learned what I can control and realize that I have no control over others and that is a good thing--it is their life--I am learning to stay in my own lane. Lately when I take that the break, I am able to get a nap. When I am tired, I am less patient and more prone to negativity, so I have learned to pick up better on when I am tired. I am lucky that my schedule allows me plenty of rest. Also, I have improved my meditation to the point that the meditation is one of the ways I am able to have much less insomnia than I used to have--lately, when I meditate, I feel like, much of the time, I can slow down my heart rate and thoughts. Keeping myself calm through whatever means necessary (positve information consumption, prayer, meditation, straightforward communication with loved ones, medications, etc.) has become a priority in my life. If we can keep ourselves calm and trust that everything happens for a reason then we will be better able to spread love instead of fear. Knowing we are loved is the best protection from paranoia that I know.

[bharani1008]

I think paranoia comes partly from a insecurity and a feeling of lack of power. At least mine always did. As much as possible get in charge of your life , financially and physically.
That might help.

[downandlonely]

It would bother me too if I was living with someone who was putting the moves on me. Not saying paranoia is good, but maybe you are right to be a little worry.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by birdcrazy

My cousin my marriage however is making the moves on me.... A little, and I tease him back... But I'm starting to have paranoia too toward him...

Originally Posted by downandlonely

It would bother me too if I was living with someone who was putting the moves on me. Not saying paranoia is good, but maybe you are right to be a little worry.

Perhaps instead of teasing back--put out there that it makes you uncomfortable and see what response you get. Communication will help you understand if your paranoia about this is valid.

[LilyMop]

I would think paranoia like that could come from trauma in your past maybe? Major betrayal? I think it would be good to accept these feelings but not give into them. Also, respect yourself and respect your feelings too? Have you been able to tell the difference between gut feelings and paranoia? I have a hard time trusting my own instinct and sometimes I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or there’s a reason for my feelings. I’m working on this too. My gut feelings are always right.

Why would tease him back if you don't want him? That will give him the impression you do and its a reasonable impression for him.

I saw someone i know on fb. Says she only wants friends. But her photos are pouting and flirting with camera to a male audience while she wears sexy clothing and make up.