Is my boyfriend toxic?

Hi, I am new to this site and have come here to get answers from people who are unbiased.
I am with my boyfriend of a year and I have become aware of some not so great qualities.
I have noticed that he is angry and stays angry when I tell him that I am going out to do something by my self or with my mom and sisters. He shuts down and stops talking to me and ignores me in the house where we live together. Living with him I feel like I have no time alone and when I tell him this he gives me a disgusted face and asks why I need alone time. I feel controlled and feel like I am unable to do things outside of my relationship. When I return home he doesn’t say a word to me and avoids eye contact at all costs. I feel as if I am constantly critiqued on what I do. I don’t know what to do because the other side of him is completely different. The other side of him is so sweet and funny and I really feel like he was meant for me but these controlling flaws having made me feel different. Please help!!!

Well, I would definitely say he's toxic if he's making you feel like he's being controlling and is "constantly" critiquing your actions.

It's not healthy to not have a life outside of this relationship (alone time, time with family/friends).. and I can only suspect there's a high probability that these behaviours will worsen as this relationship progresses. Major red flags, yes.

I also think if you're needing "help" and posting online, your gut instinct is telling you something is not right about this relationship. Trust it.

Everyone and anyone has the ability to be nice, kind, affectionate, funny, loving.. particularly if they're wanting to control someone else. Make sure his positive side is authentic.

It sounds like he has abandonment issues and doesn’t like it if he doesn’t have all the control.

Some individuals like this often do have a charming side to them. They call this Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. Not recommended for a long commitment partner.

.. or codependency issues?

I think the mere fact you had to ask this question gives you your own answer.

In my opinion, there is no "other side" to people. To be sure, people have many facets to their personalities. But when a person is abusive that is every bit as much a part of "them" as their sweet or funny side. Is it possible for someone to become less controlling? Yes; but not without awareness that it is an issue, and not without effort to change the behaviors. So far I am not seeing any of that in what you have said about your controlling boyfriend. Without your boyfriend wanting to change, he likely will not change. I would not yoke myself to someone like that. If he truly cannot see why anyone would want alone time or time with other friends or family, he has a serious problem. If instead he does understand and he wants to deny you the joy, comfort and affirmation of close relationships with family and good friends--then he has an even bigger problem.

Ask for couples counseling..... If he refuses then you need to move out as things are only going to get worse..

Do you have Family of Friends that can take you in while you get your own place??

Welcome to PC

Abusive people very often have some pleasant behavior, which is a main reason that their partners stay with them.

Without a major commitment of time and effort to counseling, he is going to continue to be controlling and suffocating. The longer you are with him, the more you will see of these behaviors.

Yes, controlling and suffocating are good words to describe what you're experiencing with this guy. People need time alone and deserve to be granted time alone and with their own friends and family without resentment, anger, argument or control tactics. Yes, this is definitely toxic relationship.

Hi Tiny Elephant. To me, those are very bad signs and red flags. Uncontrolled possessiveness and control are toxic and abusive things. Everyone needs some alone time and time with other people to be healthy. I experienced something similar recently with enmeshment and someone who was jealous, controlling and possessive. It was purely toxic. You don't deserve to be treated like that and I feel that it will consume you at some point. It seems like, in these situations, these types of people do not change unless something drastic happens. He may feel he is entirely justified in how he behaves and so he doesn't need to change at all.

I wish you the best and I do hope you are able to find peace.