Can Two Broken People Help Each Other Heal?

Have Hope · May 28, 2020, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YMIHere

A non-profit would take limited money from me. Time and energy, yes, but grants and fundraising are what pays the bills for a nonprofit. And so your contention is that if I want to have a nonprofit, I'm not allowed a personal life? I guess it has never occurred to anyone that you all are so focused on ONLY what you perceive as red flags that you ignored everything positive I said about him, right? Smart, funny, supervisory experience, experience in sales. The types of things that could actually be useful to me as I build this. Someone to back me up? Pitch in?

Like I said, I'm not STUPID. I'm excited. Giddy. I've never been in a controlling relationship and I don't put up with BS from dudes. In my 30+ years of relationships, I got involved with 2 guys who had drug problems. One kept it hidden when I met him and the other was abusing his own prescribed meds. Both of those were ended by me in short order once I found out what was going on. Broke up with the young Muslim when I found out he was after a green card. So for anyone to say that I'm distracting myself from my own life goals by attempting to have a relationship, I think is REALLY reaching.

I'm not going to go back and read the 5 previous pages but as I recall, I don't think ONE PERSON bothered to ask a single clarifying question about anything I said. EVERYBODY seems to think that they KNOW some guy that they've never met and gave judgment AND OPINIONS on stuff I never asked for opinions on.
I'm assuming many of y'all have been in therapy. Is that how your therapist handled when you brought a situation to them? I doubt it.

Y'all think I have issues and maybe I do. But I guess you all are a bunch of totally together people since you're all omniscient and see clearly my situation based on bits and pieces that I shared, You all held fast to those same beliefs even as I shared clarifying information, which was then construed as me DEFENDING HIM. Maybe, just maybe, you all need to reflect on what it means to HELP someone as opposed to your version which seems to be to JUDGE and give opinions on that which opinions were never asked for. One or two people made a comment about, "No, it can't work" but, as I recall most of those were also based on the judgments made about what I'd written.

So anyway, I figured I'd give you all my judgments right back since you all were so generous with your own.

No one is judging you. and certainly no one is calling you stupid. You created a thread for what reason? To get permission or validation to date this person? Were you uncertain? People here have all pointed out red flags because there are many. The reason people are doing this is perhaps because they have been there and done that, and they/we are all trying to protect you from potential harm. You get so defensive on here though about it, that no one can possibly help you in any real way. You want to defend him against all signs of red flags and go about your business with him - so, by all means then --- do as you please. Again, no one is judging you for it and no one is criticizing you for it. Everyone here has been trying to support you in the way they know best. And when people see red flags, they are going to point them out to you.

I only made a point of trying to get across -- don't move for someone whom you just met and met only once in person when you have other very important life goals to tackle.

And yes, a non-profit is going to take years to develop, with a lot of attention, focus and time. Who is going to do your grant writing? How are you going to achieve that and get funds? If that's truly your big dream, then why would you go flit off back to Florida for someone you just met, instead of focusing on your goals and your dream? That's all I was personally saying. But if you think you can accomplish both, even while moving for someone out of state, then do it. I never said you cannot have a personal life while pursuing your goals. You just seem so willing to completely uproot yourself and your entire life so easily and quickly, that the concern is your life goals would suddenly go out the window because you're enmeshed in this person. It's not a rational decision.

But you're so defensive on here that it makes it difficult to support you in any way that is truly helpful.

divine1966 · May 28, 2020, 03:12 PM

I don’t understand this thread.

You’ve met a guy whom you consider wonderful, smart, funny, ambitious, great supervisor and perfect match for you or what other things you said. It’s great. He is so wonderful that you are all giddy and excited about him after one date and even want to build your life with him after meeting him once. It’s all good. If that’s what you want, who are we tell you otherwise.

What I don’t understand why are you asking about him on anonymous forum of strangers? Especially if you already made up your mind?

When I’ve met my now husband I and he both knew pretty quick (not after one date) that we are great together, and we are still great together 5 years later. The last thing I felt like doing is asking strangers if he is right for me. What do the strangers know?

I don’t understand why you ask strangers if he is good for you and then get all upset if our opinion differs from yours .

If you think he is a perfect match, then why are you asking us? We aren’t you. If he is a wonderful man, then go for it.

Have Hope · 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t understand this thread.

You’ve met a guy whom you consider wonderful, smart, funny, ambitious, great supervisor and perfect match for you or what other things you said. It’s great. He is so wonderful that you are all giddy and excited about him after one date and even want to build your life with him after meeting him once. It’s all good. If that’s what you want, who are we tell you otherwise.

What I don’t understand why are you asking about him on anonymous forum of strangers? Especially if you already made up your mind?

When I’ve met my now husband I and he both knew pretty quick (not after one date) that we are great together, and we are still great together 5 years later. The last thing I felt like doing is asking strangers if he is right for me. What do the strangers know?

I don’t understand why you ask strangers if he is good for you and then get all upset if our opinion differs from yours .

If you think he is a perfect match, then why are you asking us? We aren’t you. If he is a wonderful man, then go for it.

Yeah. Agreed. The original question was can two broken people come together to help heal each other within a relationship? I said no, it's not healthy and ppl should go to therapy instead for that, and I think a couple others said no as well.

MsLady · May 28, 2020, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YMIHere

I've reviewed this and don't see how what I shared here somehow fits. You said creating confusion is a tactic.

The confusion he creates is by coming out with random comments out of nowhere. JOKES at a time where we weren't in constant communication like we were at the beginning.

I understood you often feel confused by a lot of what he says. You think he's "joking" now.. so keep this list for future reference.

Menu

Can Two Broken People Help Each Other Heal?

My Support Forums