[seesaw]

Okay, yeah, I know this is ridiculous, but I've been chatting online with a guy who seems kind of nice. So I was thinking, okay, maybe we should do the whole video dating thing for a while, lol.

Does anyone have experience with that? I do lots of video conferencing for work. I've never done a video date before though!

[Yaowen]

Dear seesaw,

I have never tried video dating so I hope others here who have will respond to your post. It is great that you found a guy who seems nice. I wish you only the very, very best!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[AzulOscuro]

I don’t have any experience at video dating but since you have experience in communication for work through video chatting, you already have a path walked.
Of course, you are gonna be nervous and excited but it must be a beautiful experience to know each other a little better.
Maybe someone can give you some useful advise. I’m unable to do it since I can’t come out with anything other than being yourself, trust yourself, consider the guy may be also nervous.
Good luck! It’s exiting!

[Open Eyes]

Can you still have a sense of anonymity? Just in case he turns out to be some kind of creep?

I don't know how that works tbh.

I say go for it! It's not ridiculous. We are just living in unusual circumstances and I think a lot of people are doing what you're wanting to do.

I vote "no”. To me the beauty of attraction is based on exploring each other through the five senses.

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re up for it just for the sake of an experience then sure, why not. However, when it comes to meeting someone new I would bet it’s gonna end up being either quite a disappointment or very limited first date 😊

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

I vote "no”. To me the beauty of attraction is based on exploring each other through the five senses.

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re up for it just for the sake of an experience then sure, why not. However, when it comes to meeting someone new I would bet it’s gonna end up being either quite a disappointment or very limited first date 😊

Well of course it's going to be a limited experience and eventually there'd still have to be a first in-person date. Video first dates aren't intended to take the place of an in-person first date, but it's a way to get to know someone when in-person meetups aren't allowed.

In that case, I vote yes - go for it. Actually it may be interesting in itself, some kind of a prequel to a date haha Best of luck

Yes a friend of mine had a zoom date Friday. She liked it better as you kind of are forced to talk more via video conference than just sitting at a table.

[AceRimmer]

I did something like that 10 years ago. I spent quite a bit of time on Skye before meeting a woman. You can't really tell about chemistry that way though. We dated a few time and then I adopted her kitten. She was not an animal lover and I didn't like ow she was treating kitty.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by AceRimmer

I did something like that 10 years ago. I spent quite a bit of time on Skye before meeting a woman. You can't really tell about chemistry that way though. We dated a few time and then I adopted her kitten. She was not an animal lover and I didn't like ow she was treating kitty.

Thank you for rescuing the kitty

[seesaw]

So I joined a different app called Bumble. And for about a week I've been chatting with guy, just small talk. But it was consistent enough that I was like okay we cant keep just messaging. Let's pull the trigger. So we had our first video date tonight. It was really nice. He was actually cuter than his pics. He's only 33. And I'm 40. But I dont feel like that's too big a gap. I just turned 40 too. And since theres a pandemic I'm contesting the results of this year's birthdays. Lol.

It was quite fun and we will do it again. It was nice bc, even though I did put on light makeup. We could just talk and I didnt have to worry about other distractions or too much about what I wore. Definitely didn't have to worry about a first date kiss or hug. He seems like a fun guy. Not necessarily what I thought I'd be looking for, our interests differ a bit but we also have some similar interests. And I think we both are adventurous and like the outdoors so that's a good fit. It felt relatively easy chatting with him.

The other nice thing about this is that it requires some emotional intimacy first before you can even get physically intimate. It's like we have to get to know each other because we're not risking serious illness for a bootey call yet. Lol.

Not bad. And I suppose if it was bad we could always hang up. Haha

[seesaw]

So I really like this guy, and we've moved our conversation off the app and are texting directly now. We want to get together eventually but of course nothing is open. I suggested we could go to a park and have a picnic, since a lot of our parks and trails are open and that might be allowable soon. But now I have to think about disclosing my ptsd. I have to do it early on, I don't think it has to be right this minute, but certainly before or first date bc he'll figure something out when I show up with my service dog. So I have to figure out my approach to this conversation.

So happy that talking via video chat went so well!

I know it can be scary disclosing mh issues (not sure if that's why you're hesitant) but ptsd isn't really a big sounding deal. To me, at least. Lots of ppl have it. If he doesn't accept you for it, its a red flag imo, and his loss.

Good luck seesaw!

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

So happy that talking via video chat went so well!

I know it can be scary disclosing mh issues (not sure if that's why you're hesitant) but ptsd isn't really a big sounding deal. To me, at least. Lots of ppl have it. If he doesn't accept you for it, its a red flag imo, and his loss.

Good luck seesaw!

Thanks, Woven. I know PTSD isn't that big of a deal, but the severity for me is disabling, and I have my service dog with me at all times, and it's also the idea of disclosing my hospitalizations. I know PTSD in and of itself isn't that stigmatized, but people don't really know the nitty gritty, you know?

It's fine. If it bugs him that much, then I don't want to be with him anyhow. No space for posers here.

[Open Eyes]

I think it's better to spend more time with this new guy and get to know each other more first. I think it's better to not hand someone new too much private information about you until you feel it's a person you can trust more.

I would hold off a bit so I don't end up having some person spread the word that I am some crazy person with PTSD. I already know that a lot of people simply do not understand what it means and can respond in ways that doesn't even give a relationship a chance. Yes, you struggle with PTSD and you are more sensitive, but there is way more to you than just that.

Sometimes, we can connect with someone where that's more important to the other person than asking them too early to understand that you have ptsd. I have had some time to get to know you better, and you are very intelligent and talented, yes, you have ptsd, but you are also an interesting person with intelligence as well. Better this guy get to know that part of you first IMHO.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I think it's better to spend more time with this new guy and get to know each other more first. I think it's better to not hand someone new too much private information about you until you feel it's a person you can trust more.

I would hold off a bit so I don't end up having some person spread the word that I am some crazy person with PTSD. I already know that a lot of people simply do not understand what it means and can respond in ways that doesn't even give a relationship a chance. Yes, you struggle with PTSD and you are more sensitive, but there is way more to you than just that.

Sometimes, we can connect with someone where that's more important to the other person than asking them too early to understand that you have ptsd. I have had some time to get to know you better, and you are very intelligent and talented, yes, you have ptsd, but you are also an interesting person with intelligence as well. Better this guy get to know that part of you first IMHO.

Well, I don't really hide it though. It's pretty well known. It's even part of my bio for my business, since a lot of my work is based on the fact that I understand patients and disability. But I agree, I think a little more time together then come clean.

[Open Eyes]

I admire and respect "honesty". And I do see you like to be honest about yourself. That's a good quality IMHO. Yet, I think this guy should get to know you and you him more first and see how well you enjoy each other's company. So far it's been going in a positive direction, see if that continues to happen. Of course the decision is yours and what YOU feel most comfortable with.

I tend to agree with Open Eyes in the sense that...in terms of hospitalizations, that's not something he needs to know yet, if you're not sure. But please do what you feel is right and best.

[sarahsweets]

I do not see why you would need to tell him at all... I mean maybe way down the line but I dont know if it is something you "have" to do. Of course you may want to but I think its ok to wait. Unless its already taking a toll on your relationship or something I think its your business and no one has the "right" to know about it until you decide that its ok.

[unaluna]

Anyone WITHOUT baggage must surely have thrown it off the Tallahatchee Bridge.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I do not see why you would need to tell him at all... I mean maybe way down the line but I dont know if it is something you "have" to do. Of course you may want to but I think its ok to wait. Unless its already taking a toll on your relationship or something I think its your business and no one has the "right" to know about it until you decide that its ok.

Because I'm disabled and hes going to wonder why I have a service dog and scars all over my arms and legs.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Anyone WITHOUT baggage must surely have thrown it off the Tallahatchee Bridge.

They can go with Billy Joe.

[Open Eyes]

Well I would wear long pants and long sleeve shirt at first. Just so you can have a chance to experience him in person and see what it’s like to be in each other’s presence.

My daughter met a guy through an online site and eventually she learned he had not only ptsd but significant scars from being close to a bomb that went off. He is a vet and a really nice guy and other wise handsome.

I dated a guy for a time who always wore long pants. After he got to know me he finally shared that he had been in a car accident and when he stepped out of the car he stepped in gasoline that quickly ignited severly burning both his legs. He had to have a lot of skin drafting and his legs were left severely scared

Well he was a nice guy and otherwise good looking. Did not bother me. It was best for him to feel safe with me until he felt comfortable sharing.

So I think it’s best to first see how it goes in person. Maybe make a date in a nearby park so you can have your dog with you. Most are choosing to socialize but safely in nearby parks.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Well I would wear long pants and long sleeve shirt at first .

Are you kidding me? Did you even think about how this sounds, lol?

No, I'm not ashamed of who I am or going to hide it to make someone else comfortable or to get them to like me.