[tutifruti201]

hey everyone.

I am new to the group but I needed to share my experience with someone I dont know that can remain judgement free.
My husband of 10 years. Father of a 2 year old and my best friend of 15 years has decided that he needs to be honest with himself. We got married very young so he never got the opportunity to explore who he really was. And he has suppressed it all these years due to his upbringing.
I dont hate him. I am disappointed and hurt but I dont hate him.
I am struggling to find myself through all of this. It has always been me and him... never just me or just him. I know this was a decision that he needed to make for himself but I feel hopeless. I feel helpless. I feel like i need to fix things but I know there is nothing to fix because this is who he is.
I am hurting bad and I dont know what to do.
We decided we are going to stay in the same house for now to pay of some mutual debt and then sell the house and split the difference but that is making me very uneasy also.
I just dont know what to do or where to start or how to feel.

[Skeezyks]

Hello tutifruti: Since this is your first post here on PC, welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Coping with Emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have insights they can share. In the meantime, though, here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Help on Healing from Heartbreak

12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

Love, Heartbreak & How to Recover

Letting Go and Moving On After a Breakup or Divorce

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...ing-a-divorce/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psych...ons-not-to-be/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Open Eyes]

Hi tuitifruti welcome to psych central. Wow I am so sorry you are dealing with this challenge after being with someone for so many years. I wonder if we ever really know some one. Well there is nothing you can do about him suddenly having these extra needs. Sigh...I don’t know why someone doesn’t disclose this before they bring a child into the picture. You are going need time to adjust and accept this change of direction in your life. No one JUST does this quickly.

He does have a financial responsibility to his child. Please know you are still young and CAN rebuild your life brick by brick and with patience.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, tutifruiti and welcome to Psych Central! What a shock to a marriage! I'm so sorry this happened to you. But at least your husband is finally being honest with you about who he is. I assume he's going to explore the homosexual side of his sexuality. Please know that what he's saying does not take away from what he felt for you, as his hetereo love.

Divorce seems for the best, under the circumstances, unless you are willing to be there while he experiments with his bisexuality.

We are here for you.

[MsLady]

I'm curious, just to put it out there, would you be willing to open your relationship up so he can explore his bisexual side? Is a divorce the only option for you both?

If you both love each other and have a young child together (plus a house), there are other options if you're both willing to make sacrifices for each other and for the good of the family.. under these circumstances.

Of course it's not that easy. You would both require counseling, acceptance, boundaries, and a concrete plan moving forward.. and a lot of support, communication, and understanding. There are therapists who can support you through all this.

It's not for everyone.. I get it.

[Cardooney]

I feel for you! That is a lot to take in and overwhelming. It sounds like it all changed so suddenly too. You are very kind person to be so gracious towards him, even when you’ve been hurt so badly. Please keep your head up and know that you will be okay and you will get through this. Think about what YOU need, and Do what is best for you and your 2 year old!

[EagleTears]

Hey tutifruiti I'm so sorry to hear what's going on with you. I can't even imagine how you're dealing with this. I wish I can give you some pointers, but I just don't have enough experience to lend you some helpful wisdom. I do however think what your husband is doing is rather selfish. Hes putting his needs over yours and especially for the kid that he help produced. He wasn't thinking about his bisexuality when he was planting his seed in you 2 years ago, now he wants to explore his sexuality? He's not thinking about his son or his family. Hes thinking about himself.