[Jamowi]

Hello, I hope everyone is staying safe during this hectic time.


There really isn't much help I could get via the net. Long story short, for three years I messed around with a guy who was heavily EU. To be fair however, I was too for a period of time. I was less than three months fresh off of a terrible breakup initiated by me. For a long time I had a very low view on love and relationships. He cheated and I ended things are three years together. When I started messing around with this new guy, I was filled in a string of casual relations with guys who I wouldn't even speak too unless I was contacting them to have sex.



When I met the EU guy, we were platonic friends for a few months & I initiated the FWB arrangement. Things were fun till they started being uncomfortable & I ended up catching feelings for him a few months into messing around. I tried to stop but was ridden with emotional pain & codependency. I was brought to tears whenever I tried to end things so months turned into a year then a year turned into three.



I realized overtime that I was just using sex a cushion for not dealing with the heartbreak I faced breaking things off with my ex. I went no contact with my former FWB in Feb. I deleted & blocked his number & have no socials. A month later he contacted me VIA Whatsapp on my birthday. I said "Thank you" then I blocked him on Whatsapp & deleted the convo. That was March & its now May. I know that after three years it will take some time to process this loss & heal so I can get back to my regular self again.



However I do have my days where I feel incredibly depressed. Some days, I wake up & start brawling. Just to be clear, I have ZERO desire to speak to him. His number is still blocked & I actually deleted my Whatsapp account because I kept adding and deleting him as a contact so I could see his profile photo and if he viewed my stories. I realized how deep I fell into the beautiful illusion of sex & coping. I don't love this guy, I loved the idea of who I wanted him to be. I initiated the arrangement & he was always honest about just wanting to be friends and not wanting to be in a relationship.



It's really painful to go through the whole no conatct thing. Even though I know its something I need to do & there is no future with me & this person. I've come to that conclusion a long time ago, but I have no idea how long it'll take to stop hurting. I feel incredably depressed & I am trying to be strong for myself, from here, I don't know what to do...things will get better I know, but the "when", thats the hardest part for me. Tears fall down my face as I type this...gonna try to keep a positive mind..could someone please help me.....I really can't get through this on my own, I'm falling apart mentally..

[Yaowen]

Dear Jamowi,

Just read your post and want to tell you how terribly sorry I am that you are in such turmoil and anguish. It can be so hard to get over people. At least this has been my experience. Sometimes it seems like the brain itself has a mind of its own and it can be so difficult to do what is in our best interest. I do hope you find some peace of mind. It must be so distressing to be caught in such a dreadful and distressing situation. I wish you only the best in this crisis and in your life.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[Open Eyes]

It was brave of you to share what you shared (((Jamowi))). Your healing needs to include your sharing whatever you need to share. It sounds like you got really hurt and you decided to just go through the motions and not attach so you could protect yourself from being hurt.

You are not a failure for needing to feel and mourn whatever you lost when you were hurt. I do think that spending time with a therapist can benefit you so you don't feel so alone with all of this. It's time for you to finally address your hurts and do some healing.

I've been through something similar and it's not worth it. I'd rather go through no contact and try to deal with my feelings instead of going to a guy who will keep hurting me. If I keep going to this guy, this cycle of pain/hurt will just keep on going. We had an on/off relationship but he would title us a FWB. It was a complete mess. He got a new gf and I told him from the beginning, I need to be ok on my own and we can be friends in the near future then weeks later, he contacted. He's been doing this contacting me nearly every day, then contacting me once a week or just not at all. He once said to me he used me for sexting so he can cope with the stress of the relationship, that hurt that hell. It hurts like hell but if you're truly determined to use all your energy to question your thoughts and do things you love, eventually over time you will heal. 5 years ago I would be crying my eyes out and now I am a lot peaceful. It hurts a bit but I can cope with the pain and I can cope being on my own. Block him for your sanity, it's seriously not worth it. He's shown that he only cares about sex. You may fall down but at least have the strength and courage to get up again. You may have been involved with someone emotionally unavailable or a narcissist, that makes it a lot more harder to get over it. I wish you all the best.