[Kimmyshibby]

Sometimes when I can tell my boyfriend has had a bad day or something I start to get anxious because I’m afraid he’s gonna get upset with me because I either say or do something wrong. I read a lot into his words so “right” turns into something that has a lot of attitude. We’ve been apart now for about a week because we got into a fight and told me to leave. He has since apologized and is showing he can treat me with respect but he’s had a hard day at work and it makes me nervous that all the work that has been happening the last few days. I’m afraid to talk to him about it. He says his fine and my mom says I shouldn’t speak to him for a while. What should i do? I don’t want to stop talking to him.

[Have Hope]

You should not be afraid to talk to your partner. He should not be treating you as his emotional punching bag when he is stressed or upset about work. When you are afraid of saying something wrong, you are walking on eggshells with a person. This is not a healthy relationship. I would exit. Someone who treats you off and on abusively is no one you truly will want to deal with long-term. Trust me.

[divine1966]

He sounds like bad news to me.

[RockyRoad007]

Originally Posted by Kimmyshibby

Sometimes when I can tell my boyfriend has had a bad day or something I start to get anxious because I’m afraid he’s gonna get upset with me because I either say or do something wrong.

No one should have to live like this.
I'd also like to point out that it has nothing to do with you "either saying or doing something wrong". He's just abusing you.

When you leave and he gets another girl, he'll do the same thing to her, and the one after. It truly has nothing to do with you.
Your role is deciding if you want this type of life. If you're willing to live with this lack of kindness.

[MsLady]

I'd listen to your mom. Giving yourself more time apart will give you more clarity about the situation you're in and what you're willing to accept. Red flags here.

[Kimmyshibby]

So what there’s no hope? I know a lot of what I feel comes from my childhood and wanting to please everyone. Most of our relationship has been pretty great.

[Bill3]

You were speaking about how often and how much he drinks and how he treats you when he does drink. That part is not pretty great. Is that what you want in a relationship? Addressing that requires a major commitment on his part, over a long period of time.

[Open Eyes]

So you mentioned he went to AA and started seeing a therapist. This is a good start but it’s going to take time for him to learn healthier ways to handle his anger and stress. He cannot take his problems out on you. He has to learn he is not allowed to use you in any way as an emotional punching bag like a spoiled child who doesn’t understand boundaries.

I know for myself that I find out someone has issues with alcohol and the person blows up at me? I am done interacting with that person. And it’s best if that person thinks it’s their idea so it assures me they won’t bother me. No way do I care to deal with a person capable of blowing up into rage rant behaviors. Be it a person who drinks or stops on their own turning into what is called a dry drunk.

I had to learn not to let a person push buttons for me to mother too. That includes blowing up like a five year old child. I am not interested in hovering and babysitting. There is a difference between helping and supporting and mothering another adult as though they are a child.

[RockyRoad007]

Read what others have posted, and use it for the wisdom in the posts, rather than allowing anyone else to dictate what you should do in your relationship.

When people reply to a post, it's usually from the perspective of their own lives. There is lots of wisdom and life experience in these replies, but none are meant to replace the choices you wish to make.

We all learn as we go thru our lives, and perhaps your journey with this man is meant to continue. Only you know that. Perhaps you need the growth a difficult relationship can bring (if indeed it is difficult).

There is no right or wrong, only what you wish to experience in this life.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Kimmyshibby

So what there’s no hope? I know a lot of what I feel comes from my childhood and wanting to please everyone. Most of our relationship has been pretty great.

Most of your relationship has not been great according to your other thread. He abuses you when he's drinking. My guess is he's also abusive to you when he's not drinking. It seems you have to cater to his moods and his needs all the time. It seems like you're walking on eggshells to please him and cater to his whimsical moods.

People pleasing can end up getting you abused. Don't bend over backwards trying to please someone else for the sake of "love".

A healthy relationship involves respect AT ALL TIMES. Not just periodic respect, or periods of respectful behavior coupled by disrespectful behavior.

And a healthy relationship does not involve having to walk on eggshells, being afraid or nervous to talk to your partner.

This is not healthy. There are many red flags. Trust me, I stated in your other thread that I married an addict and an abuser. It got worse, not better, through marriage. Please rethink this one. Your mental health, your sanity and your health depend on it.

[Rive.]

If you (general you) constantly have to walk on eggshells and/or be fearful of a partner's reaction, it does not bode well for a mutual and respectful partnership.

There is already a major communication problem and a clear lack of respect for you, for starters.

I would think carefully whether this is the type of relationship you want.

[downandlonely]

I agree with the others. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. You shouldn't have to be nervous around him all the time. You deserve someone you can talk to.

[Open Eyes]

Can I ask how old you are?