Cheated on my partner after drinking but my therapist says it was a sexual assault

How do you know that? Is there evidence and facts to back up your claim? I imagine most rape victims scream and fight back.

Like I said, I’m bowing out.

How is controversial debate helpful to the OP? This isn’t a criminal trial. These exact details are what happened to me, and are the reason I chose to never tell anyone except my best friend when it happened. I put the incident out of my mind for many years. Later, I developed intimacy issues in my marriage. Perhaps this incident did scar me in this way. IDK, perhaps I had mental health issues that I was not aware of. I don’t care who believe me here or not. Sexual assault is not always a clear cut case.

The most important factor for the OP is to explore her feelings and figure out how to move forward in a healthy direction.

(((((((((((Lily)))))))))) take care of yourself and please be gentle and kind with yourself as well. Keep talking to your therapist.

I received specific training in regards to helping rape victims, fighting or screaming isn’t that common, many choose to just pray for it to be over and not get harmed, and i work with helping rape victims. There is a lot of statistics and research on the topic.

Yes it was an assault I'm sorry.

Just want to say that if someone is extremely intoxicated or drugged they often don’t kick and scream or may not react even due to being barely conscious. There are individuals that get the person very drunk or even slip something in their drink to incapacitate them. And sometimes it is someone one would not expect to do something like that too.

You would be wrong.

Is this helping the OP in any way? Why not take the focus off of me and anything I've said, and focus on helping the OP instead.

And how is telling the OP to consider their part in their own sexual assault helping them?? Respectfully, I don't think you have bad intentions towards the OP, but victim blaming is never the way to go. If you "Imagine" that rape/assault victims would scream and fight in every case, then you don't know. Just by saying that you are admitting that you don't know what an assault victim would do. Every situation and every person is different. Please don't generalize, because that doesn't help anyone. I think we are all concerned about the OP and that comes across in every post in this thread. I think you're concerned too, but you are too focused on what they should or should not have done. It doesn't matter, because they were assaulted and they need support. There is no way to be the perfect assault victim because that doesn't exist.

I am NOT victim blaming and I disagree with you. It’s not assault when she said get a condom. That is consent. I understand that others think it’s assault. But I disagree. I said in one of my posts to her that I was NOT blaming her. I simply was pointing out how she played a role. I am not here to argue. People need to stop focusing on ME and anything I’ve said, stop targeting me in this thread and focus on and help the OP instead.

No one is targeting you. But it is interesting that there is such a disparity on what is and is not considered consent according to the law. I'm sure the OP is already blaming themselves enough, so that's why I said your words are not helpful, if not traumatizing. Regardless, I hope the OP gets the help they most desperately need. I hope you agree with that at least.

OP, if you are in the United States you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673). Please take of yourself.

When someone is very intoxicated, they can black out and not even remember if they conscented or not. I agree with others in that this guy took advantage of her being so intoxicated like that, especially after she had told him that day that she was not going to engage in sex with him.

Guide to Consent

I post this link again.

It goes into detail what is considered consent and what it isn’t. OP was too intoxicated to provide informed consent. Health-line also provides good description of how consensual sex looks like. What OP described isn’t it.

OP I hope you distance yourself from this person and keep working with your therapist. Please let us know if you are ok

Sorry, but this thread is being closed for administrative review.