I think I need to divorce but I don't want to lost my nerve

What did your parents say to all this?

Agreed!

And nope -- I'm not bending. He IS a loser.

Their eyes are being opened. I've been talking to them today about what he is truly like.

They also do not think he should move out. They somehow believe we can actually live together under the same roof for the next SIX months until our lease ends. I informed them that my mental health will deteriorate completely if I have to continue living with the man who has abused and cheated on me. They just don't seem to grasp the emotional side of things and are only looking at strictly the financial and practical side of things.

I came home from my parents' house, walked upstairs and walked right past him several times without saying a single word and without looking at him directly. I did grab a quick side glance at him and he had his head down, sitting on the couch.

This is SO awful, and SO awkward.

How could we POSSIBLY live together for months on end? I will not be able to heal that way, and it would be the worst nightmare ever.

I know it may not be common sense, it is risky and it may not be the practical thing to do, but if he moved out soon, I can use the bank loan to cover his rent until I can find a roommate or a job. The risk involved is maybe during covid a roommate will be impossible to find. And maybe it will take me longer to find a job. There's great risk, but which is worse? Risking finances or my mental health, well being and sanity?

I could really use some advice and input on this one.

I just went downstairs again, a half hour later, and he's still sitting on the couch with his head hanging low. WTF is that? Trying to gain my sympathies and pity??? It's pathetic.

Likely high.

@divine1966, any thoughts on this post of mine?

LOL. Probably.

Sorry I’ll think of it in a minute. Sorry didn’t give it a good thought yet.

No worries - whenever you can. I really need advice on that one. Thanks!

Although I know in the end, I will do what's best and right for me. I am leaning towards letting him move out soon, using the bank loan to cover the rent and additional expenses, taking the risk and saving my mental health. My mental health, healing, sanity and getting relief from this situation seem far more important than worrying about debt and risk right now. But I know it's a big risk at the same time.

I’d not be making any changes without having a job. If the situation is dangerous then I’d move or make him move and rely on using a loan, otherwise I’d stay put. I’d not rely on getting a roommate because that might take time. I’d file for divorce too before moving. Of course if the situation is volatile then I’d not wait. Otherwise I’d keep busy. It’s a two bedroom, not a studio

Oh, I'm not considering moving out, he is. And I would have to carry the whole of the rent. BUT, he could be liable for his end of the rent regardless because his name is on the lease and so is mine. His lawyer is reading over our lease tomorrow to see what he's liable for.

This week he told me he has a place to move into and could move out within one week. He is dying to leave, and I am dying to let him leave.

Ok then he should leave. Wonder where. Probably somewhere rent free. But who cares as long as he pays half of your rent. I’d not trust his lawyer though .

I have to talk to him about this. I don't think he's planning on still paying half my rent if he moves out. I think the new apartment where he would move into requires rent. He won't be able to pay rent on both apartments.

THIRD time I've gone downstairs and he's just sitting there with his head hanging low.

What is this???? An act of manipulation? What a loser. Can't believe I didn't see what a loser he was before.

I am telling you he is probably high or took something more substantial. Who sits like this. Is he ok though? Passed out?

How is he moving into his own apartment now when he has lease on this and apparently has no credit? He is moving with other people

Seems like manipulation to me. I’ve seen him high and this is not how he acts. He’s fine. Not passed out.

He is on his phone

No he’s not. He’s just sitting with his head low. No phone in hand.

It’s getting creepy. He wants you to ask if he is ok

Yep. That’s what I think.

A family friend has room for him apparently. I don't know the details.

Yesterday morning over text while at my parents' I told him to never speak to me again unless it'a about apartment details or important necessary details. I told him don't even attempt it because I hate your guts.

I know that I sound like I am 10 years old. It's what I've reduced myself to in being with him.

Him switching from begging and pleading one day, to the next, deflection, accusing and blaming - I just could not take or bare it anymore. It's all abuse.

I hope he abides by my wishes to not talk anymore. We did not speak one word to each other all evening after I came home. I am avoiding him this morning.

I anticipate him breaking the barrier and trying to beg and plead again....

And to edit. He JUST did. He came to my room and softly said my name. So I opened the door and said what do you want, and it better be about the apartment. He started crying saying I didn't want this... and I love you. I closed the door and told him I'm not hearing it.