I think I need to divorce but I don't want to lost my nerve

I'm really sorry for what you are going through.

Thank you @Bill3!

It's most heartbreaking.

I now feel absolutely sick to my stomach over this. Just SICK. My heart is broken in two..... I feel the heartache. This is SO painful. I know it's the right decision, but nonetheless, it's most painful.

He thinks I am throwing him out like garbage. I told him no, I am not.... I am just not happy and this relationship does not work for me. He hasn't replied. I feel horrible.

It’s open enrollment time. He could actually take you off insurance. It would be totally asinine thing to do.

Itemized list is important but I don’t know anyone who does it on the same day they discussed divorce. It takes time.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Divorce or break up after cohabitation sucks. You’ll get through

I wouldn't take anything he says to heart right now. You are both upset and may be saying things you don't mean. You aren't throwing him away. He is a self-sustaining human being just like you. Even as a perfectly happy couple you are both responsible for your own livelyhood at the end of the day.

It sounds like you are both afraid because you have been relying on each other for financual support. Money and possessions will come and go. If you lost everything physical in this world and kept your soul, you would survive.

About this "list" for "his lawyer"... Things that are urgent are rarely important, and things that are important are rarely urgent.

These lawyers will try and keep you guys fighting indefinitely and only they gain. I've seen it happen before. A couple fought and fought with lawyers and never ended up divorced, just together and miserable and broke.

All this can be done quickly and simply on the divorce papers and the judge decides who keeps what, not you two. You don't need to argue with the lawyer. He/she is not the judge.

I pray that he doesn't take me off his insurance. He had offered to keep me on it last night, then this morning got mad when I took him up on it.

And thanks.... I did start on the list, which is proving to be a very arduous task.

This sucks so freaking bad. I honestly feel traumatized right now.

Thanks Guy....

I hope it doesn't have to go before a judge. I think that's if we cannot agree on the itemized list of things to be split up. I think we can settle this out of court?

And yes, we're both VERY upset. I am not well at all right now. In fact, I am downward spiraling very fast.

I want to puke I feel so sick. I do feel traumatized. He bullied me this morning, he doesn't want to pay my health insurance, and he's very angry with me.

It's like I threw caution to the wind yesterday and acted on the whim of my emotions. I couldn't help myself from ending things. I could not stomach his abuse any further... not one second longer. Perhaps this was inevitable that it ends before I have a new job and financial security. Maybe my first plan was really unrealistic. I know I wouldn't have been able to carry on the act of loving and wanting to be with him for the next several months. It was a ticking bomb waiting to explode and go off - his abuse, that is.

He was abusive to me for the last time yesterday. It really effected me badly.

And now I feel totally traumatized by the whole entire situation.

It is traumatizing. You might be better off going staying on your parents coach. Him saying you threw him out just reveals that he is financially dependent (even in time of your unemployment, he depends on that) otherwise why would grown man say that. He is not a child or a cat

I don't know. I cannot think straight right now. Emotions and anxiety are high. I am in a panic practically... and I am trying to just calm myself down. I made an emergency appt with my old therapist for today.

I don't think he's saying I've thrown him out. I think he's saying I've thrown the marriage away. That's my take.

Im in a panic... I didn't plan things this way, they just happened this way. And now I am in shock that I've done this and that my whole life is suddenly going to drastically change and will be in upheaval. I'm panicking over what is to come. How will we handle living together as a non-couple? What will that be like? Will it be a total nightmare?

Thanksgiving and all upcoming holidays are now ruined. It's a pandemic, I am isolated and I am alone.

This is going to be a serious nightmare to get through until he can move out.

It turns out we're probably stuck living together for the next 7 months. He cannot get his own apartment with bad credit. I cannot leave our apartment without a job and money to move. We're stuck.

Then he went on a lengthy guilt trip and diatribe about what a good guy he is and how willing he would have been to go to couples counseling. Is he trying to get me to change my mind?

Of course he wants you to change your mind. He can’t afford to be on his own.

It’s actually not true that people can’t get apartments with bad credits or no credit. They aren’t going to be upscale or large or nice or fancy. Or he can get his parents to co sign. One has to live within their means. He wants to live in a large two bedroom in a nice area. Many people manage and figure things out. They work two jobs, live in bad areas. People hassle. So can he.

I have to be the one to move out ... whenever I get a job. It's just the way it is.

Now he's trying to convince me to try again... and to not give up.

I do give up. I am stuck here with him until I can move.

Dang. He isn’t moving? How is he going to pay rent?

No one can move out. We’re both stuck. We both can pay our rent.

I meant if you move out, how is he going to pay rent by himself? Well it’s not going to be your worry. It’s understandable you can’t do much without a job. Hopefully something will come up.

I do not know.

I am truly in a stuck position.

No matter what, your case will go before a judge and he/she will be the final say. I just want you to be careful not to let the lawyers get the best of you two. Your peace and happiness is more important than posessions. You will be taken care of. A judge would not let you be left broke on the street at the end of your divorce. A lawyer would not have a problem with that, though.

Well, as it is, I am totally trapped, I cannot exit this relationship, I cannot get a divorce and I cannot move out or leave him.

I am totally stuck. And he refuses to give up on us. Now I am I guess back in the relationship.

The universe is working against me in every single way. Everything I want and need is NOT happening. I wanted a divorce. It's not happening. I want someone to move out. It cannot happen. I need and want a job very badly, and it's not happening.

I totally give up. I am completely defeated. I've never been defeated in my life. Not once.

And now it looks like I am back in this relationship. He refuses to give up.

Of course it’s your choice to stay married or not. But he does not need to agree for it to end. Agreement is not required. Most people don’t agree with other person leaving relationship. It doesn’t mean they must stay.

Anyways, if you are staying married don’t stay for wrong reasons like financial troubles. That’s a sad reason to stay with someone. But if you are staying because you think you can have happy fulfilling life with this man then of course it’s a good choice. Good luck

I don't know what's happening right now.

I am well aware that both people don't need to agree to end the marriage.

I don't know what else I can say. He is holding on, and I am stuck without being able to leave. And I feel completely defeated in every aspect of my life atm. That's all I can tell you.

Hang in there.

I could be wrong but I thought a spouse couldnt just drop you from insurance? I was thinking if it were that easy than any spiteful person could do that. I thought in a weird way health insurance was sort of viewed like part of the " property" of marriage. Not actual property but something that had to be negotiated in a settlement?