Power

All my life I have given power to others to take control of my life. I remember just accepting what I was told, never questioning. All that has done is left me powerless and vulnerable to harm and I have become submissive. Today, I had a discussion and noticed that I gave power over my actions to others, because I failed to take full care and responsibility for each action.

In multiple times in my life I have given power to a "voice" or "vision", and that influenced the medical community to take over, putting me in the hospital and putting me on antipsychotic medications.

This week I have tried to get off meds, and my psych nurse practitioner said no, and I am getting a second opinion. I have been on up to 18 different meds, and many combinations, and 8 or so therapists. I've been through 15 years of S***. (By the way, my current t wants me to swear but I grew up thinking that it was wrong, but it does get the anger out, although there are better ways, I think).
My relationships are non-existent! I have no friends that I hang out with, I only have my parents. And I feel like I owe them my time for rent. I need to discuss that with them. Even if it's $50 a month, it still helps me feel like it may become my own place. I don't make a lot, I'm in grad school (although I don't know if I still will be after this term ends in two weeks). I feel like many people, even if those people are limited, doubt every choice I make. And I doubt my choices, which makes it easier for them to doubt.

I have more control and power than I know. I need to get to sleep, I'm 8 minutes behind what I was hoping for, and what's best for me. I may have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, and anxiety, bit it sure does NOT have to define every action I take. It's up to me, and NO one else. I'm the one who can be a role model and help others to see their enormous power!!

Personally (in this forest irl) I have NOT found the professionals to be in the slightest bit helpful in helping us to fully claim our Power. Quite the opposite in fact. Which is why I, personally have been staying as far away from them as possible (since last year and before...)

I'm late going to bed tonight, I need my hibernation

Hugs and respect

Fuzzybear your not alone. I've seen a lot and from my perspective many if not most people who have an illness have been influenced and a part of them says life can't change, that it's semi-perminant. That is so BS!!!

The brain changes every day. And the medical world seems to think that even if the brain can change, that meds are a solution. Such a load of crap for those who have not be influenced by drugs. There are some out there who's brain changed during drug use. But mostly the stress, anxiety, and lack of emotional resilience, and trauma has been the cause, not chemical, in the pacific Northwest USA at least. I know that how I grew up, and my current situation with living withy parents has brought up a lot of crap, that includes thinking I'm the cause, where I feel broken.

Instead, today I see that my family is broken! My Dad is controlled by his computer, and my mom copes with reading to have something to connect to, because my dad gives us little to work with 90% of the time. I notice that I want change, but my parents don't. They keep me feeling stuck. And I resent them!!!

I've believed for a long time that every thing is my fault. And I don't know how that came to be.

My relationships have been harmed because I rely to heavily on the other person, believing that I don't have power. It has taken 15 years, no make that my whole life to take power back, and take responsibility for my actions. And it seems like my med provider doesn't understand about my situation.

In the last few weeks, I have seen changes in me that have been good, but I notice areas of concern because of past behavior. I'm sadden by what I have been taught. I wish more people had a better understanding of mental health. I know that my brain, if given the right nutrition, exercise, and sleep can heal from my years of medications. Yours can too!!!

I want to over others on PC hope that life can improve, but nothing changes until you do!!! Until I do!!!! We can only change is, no one else. We have the power, yet sometimes because of what we were taught, we give or yield our power to others.

Is that true for others? Do you give your power subconsciously to others without realizing you have done so?

In the last two weeks, I could have been hospitalized, but I kept pushing back on those annoying suicidal thoughts of worthlessness and despair and hurt and stress and tension that life brings my way. I decided I'm responsible! And I stayed out of the hospital!!!! Yes I do have an amazing psychologist who understands the brain and behavior and allows me to do the work. He helped me be ready to push past the discomfort that life was throwing at me, and helped me realize my power. And that's what I offer to you by sharing my life with you! I hope it helps. Your process may be different than mine, and I respect that. But hope exists, change can happen when we take responsibility for our actions that have led us to today. And take responsibility for future actions.

It's hard, I won't sugar coat it. Life takes work, sweat, and tears, but finding ways to thrive will help. Finding relationships that support our growth helps. (At least that's what I think)

My relationships are broken, but that changes when I change my view, from powerless to power. This didn't happen over night, it's taken years to get here. I'm blessed by being able share hope.

for being one of the supportive posters on pc

much love to you

Every action has a reaction. We cannot dictate others actions but we make use of our own.

The only way to take back your power is to realize that you have it.