[TishaBuv]

Who here can relate to having had awful confrontations/ separations, not resolving anything or apologizing, and then all involved acting like nothing happened?

I’m wondering how common it is. Is this what people usually do?

[Have Hope]

Not in a healthy relationship, no.... issues in a healthy relationship are resolved. Apologies are extended. Understanding is reached. In an unhealthy relationship, issues are never resolved and are always brushed under the rug as though nothing happened. That is broken and unhealthy communication.

[divine1966]

It happened to me with my dad few times. We just moved on eventually. No resolution. With some people you can never resolve it. You either dump them or move on. I can’t really dump my dad. He is too old for that. And he is too unhealthy (mentally) for conflict resolution. The way I was raised we don’t abandon family, sometimes you just have to accept them how they are. Which sometimes means there will be no resolution.

Now I don’t tolerate lack of resolution in romantic relationships. Those are a choice. Family isn’t

[TishaBuv]

It’s definitely unhealthy. I always knew it was strange since I first remember experiencing it from as young as I can remember. I just had to tow the line and go along with it. Sometimes, I’ve even apologized when it was the other person who hurt me and refused to apologize, didn’t care, did abandon family.

We talk about setting boundaries, but that only works when the other person wants something you offer and you have some value. When they can take or leave you, if you don’t like the bad treatment, you can be erased from their lives (I’ve had this with family!)

I never did this treatment to anyone, and always tried to clear up an issue and make peace.

Do you think it’s an element of abuse? I’m talking about a close person who some issue with you, it blows up, but then they act like it never happened. I’ve even had it denied that it ever happened.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

apologizing, and then all involved acting like nothing happened?

I can relate to catching people (both at work and family members), having done something wrong (I have witnesses) and they never admit they erred (continue to lie about it). What is hard about when it is a family member is that because you love them, you believe their lies for a long while causing cognitive dissonance (you think you are going crazy) until the proof becomes obvious....

Once you are no longer fooled, you can practice better boundaries. While, if they respect your boundaries, it is a very good thing to forgive them but a part of you knows that you have to be careful not to be a fool again.

[Crazy Hitch]

Okay I'm not going to lie I went totally manic at work and had to have quite a bit of time off. And the one person who saw me in all my mania - I have never had a conversation with him about it. It's not that I don't want to admit / explain what happened. I just don't want to go there because I don't know what to say or how to explain it. It's that "awkward" unspoken conversation that we just don't have. We talk about all work related issues. Just not that.

[Crazy Hitch]

Okay I just reread you're talking about confrontations. Mine wasn't a confrontation with him at all. It was just delusional thinking about my whole work being bugged with hidden cameras.

[TishaBuv]

TunedOut— That’s smart. When you know you are dealing with a liar, don’t let them fool you again.

With the ‘acting like a huge blowout didn’t just happen and instantly transitioning to the life of the party to look good to other people... my knowing that’s the way it is will help me to not fall into it or be bothered by them again.

I am trying very hard now to never get into it with anyone ever again!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Do you think it’s an element of abuse? I’m talking about a close person who some issue with you, it blows up, but then they act like it never happened. I’ve even had it denied that it ever happened.

That's gaslighting -- denying it even happened. Gaslighting is an element of abuse.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Okay I'm not going to lie I went totally manic at work and had to have quite a bit of time off. And the one person who saw me in all my mania - I have never had a conversation with him about it. It's not that I don't want to admit / explain what happened. I just don't want to go there because I don't know what to say or how to explain it. It's that "awkward" unspoken conversation that we just don't have. We talk about all work related issues. Just not that.

I can see how you felt embarrassed and it was just one of those awkward moments where you both just want to ‘forget’ it happened. With a coworker, you don’t need to go so deep as to explain much. You had a bad day.

[TishaBuv]

Come to think of it, I’ve seen plenty of other families have a scene and then go on like nothing happened. I can’t believe when I’ve seen families at Disney World go off and then go on rides...at Disney World!?

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Come to think of it, I’ve seen plenty of other families have a scene and then go on like nothing happened. I can’t believe when I’ve seen families at Disney World go off and then go on rides...at Disney World!?

Someone might be thinking, I paid so much that the day must go on!