[TishaBuv]

I made some good progress in repairing some rifts.

The pain of knowing they were severed were too much for me to bear.

Patched and reframed are some family relationships.

Mutually, and remaining ended, was a toxic friendship I had with a gf, and also a healthy relationship with one of my sisters. Though, my sister is patched and reframed, too, somewhat, to a new cold, distant neutrality. There’s no more close, warm communication we once shared freely. Her lack of feelings for me was shocking, and the lack of reconnection is on her.

In hindsight, the whole family was a shaky house of cards to begin with.

The toxic friend was someone I gravitated to due to my feeling at home with that dynamic, so it’s good that’s ended. I do miss what I loved about her and wish her well, but enough is enough, especially with someone who is not family.

I feel good to be at a point where I feel a sense of more stability and am proud of myself for being the bigger person to put some of these relationships back into my life.

[TunedOut]

It is good you made some progress, making some amends is likely healing for you.

Though I do not know what is going on in your sister's head (pride?), years and years ago, when I was unable to attend my brother's wedding (it was overseas), he didn't talk to me for 10 years! We do talk on a more regular basis now but I tend to not call/reach out to people when I am feeling depressed (don't know if she has depression issues?) IMO, when people do not reach out to us, either, we have grown apart (though family should make some effort, this applies to friendships) or they are dealing with their own issues that may have nothing to do with you. Do you think your sister is as emotionally aware as you are?

Also, perhaps my brother felt I owed him more of an apology for not going to that wedding (I probably should have been more sensitive--I can think of a few times I have accidently been insensitive to my friends when I was younger/had more friends) but after years went by with him refusing to talk to me, though his feelings were probably hurt, my whole family thought he should have been willing to talk to me despite what happened....

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

It is good you made some progress, making some amends is likely healing for you.

Though I do not know what is going on in your sister's head (pride?), years and years ago, when I was unable to attend my brother's wedding (it was overseas), he didn't talk to me for 10 years! We do talk on a more regular basis now but I tend to not call/reach out to people when I am feeling depressed (don't know if she has depression issues?) IMO, when people do not reach out to us, either, we have grown apart (though family should make some effort, this applies to friendships) or they are dealing with their own issues that may have nothing to do with you. Do you think your sister is as emotionally aware as you are?

Also, perhaps my brother felt I owed him more of an apology for not going to that wedding (I probably should have been more sensitive--I can think of a few times I have accidently been insensitive to my friends when I was younger/had more friends) but after years went by with him refusing to talk to me, though his feelings were probably hurt, my whole family thought he should have been willing to talk to me despite what happened....

She has said, in the past, she is bullish. Yes, it’s toxic pride. I didn’t call her again, either. That felt too much like I was denigrating myself. She may feel that way too. Though, she outright said she doesn’t care about me at all...only her. I did try a few times to get together with her, to which she blew me off. So, it’s more on her.

I’ve thought a lot about it and my family was way more dysfunctional than I even originally thought. There’s a pattern of blow out, silent treatment, vilifying, then acting like nothing happened that our mom perpetrated. This is essentially what happened, I didn’t want to take it and asked this sister for help. She turned on me, and we never spoke again.

There will be occasions where the family gets together. In fact there has been some zoom calls these past months. She and I are not hostile, but not friendly directly to each other, didn’t look each other in the eye and say hello directly. But, most of the family didn’t do that either!

My son just did a whole funny thing about how he told his friends about his being on those family calls, and how there are generations of drama, lol.

[TishaBuv]

My whole family is elated over the election. So much so that my aunt started a group text including my sisters. We are all chiming in and it is like there was never a rift with my sister. Like my mother does, my sister acted like nothing ever happened two years ago. Rather than speaking with me and making amends when I tried two years ago, she will interact with me now on this thread which is a topic she cares about. My feelings were not a topic she cared about. I am glad for the peace that came from this. This rift has weighed terribly on me. It did not make one bit of care from anyone else in the family.

Anyway, just an update to complete how I am now good with the few people who abandoned me. I know that they don’t care about me, but I feel better to not be disliked and disposed of.

[TishaBuv]

I was inspired by the interview with Alex Trebek who said he just wants to be thought of as a nice guy. I will resist the impulse to get angry and engage with triggering people. They know what they do and do it intentionally. I will just remove myself because otherwise my emotions will take over and then I’ll regret getting into it with anybody. People turn on a dime.

[Prycejosh1987]

Communication is extremely important in all kinds of relationships.