Complaining about the behavior of someone as a form of self reflection

When someone complains about the behavior of someone else, even when that person is at fault for doing the same thing, I've wondered if it can be considered a form of self reflection. Not just simply because they dislike their own traits in someone else, but they are realizing that the other person's behavior matches their own and that it can be bothersome.

In most cases, it may involve someone getting annoyed at someone else for being super negative when they are the same way, if not even more so. I know people like that, and I'm sure we've all done that at some point. I think it can serve as self reflection since you may not realize how your actions affect others until you see your own negative traits in someone else. That's when you may realize how it affects others or how you may come off.

The most recent example I can give was when one of my coworkers, who is naturally very negative, always has something bad to say about things, began complaining that another teacher was supposedly being negative about moving into a new high school building. In reality, the teacher was just being realistic since they kept pushing the start time in the new building back so she had the mentality of, maybe we'll move in at the beginning of January, but maybe not. We did move in the beginning of January after all.

After this discussion during a remote class, my negative coworker started talking about how negative the teacher was. I was thinking that was her self reflecting on her own negative attitude towards things. It was probably also her disliking seeing her own negative trait in someone else. There are many other examples of people doing this kind of thing too where they complain about other people doing the same things they do themselves. Do you think this is a form of self reflection? Have you caught yourself doing this as well? I'm sure we've all done it, maybe even without realizing it.

I don't think it's necessarily self reflection. If it was I would think the person would have more ability to be empathetic and be able to say, "yes I know how frustrating that can be". Negative people tend to be more critical and judgemental.

True that makes sense. I agree that negative people are more critical and judgmental.

Do you ever see this person be happy or positive about anything?

There are people (or a specific person, actually) whose behaviour I’ve complained about that doesn’t match mine in any way, so in my case at least it’s venting rather than self reflection.
I will admit I’ve also been annoyed at others and realised I’ve done the same thing myself, in those cases I do try to better myself. I hate hypocrisy.

Nope. Unless it involves leaving work. That's probably the most annoying part is that she talks about how much she hates the job while at work. Which, to me, is very unprofessional and could lead to termination if said around the wrong person.

Yeah I usually don't do it but sometimes I do catch myself doing that. I hate hypocrisy too. The worst part are the people who are hypocritical and refuse to admit it or look for justification as to why they are hypocritical.

LOL, that is actually what I was thinking too in that the only positive is day over and leave work. Some people get very bored with their jobs.

Yep exactly! Yes, it is nice to go home after a day of work, but some people just seem to absolutely hate their jobs to the point where they have nothing good to say about it. There are times where I've wondered why she can just resign and look for a job elsewhere if she's so bored or hates it so much.

i know what you mean since i feel like i am often that way myself. i often get annoyed at some behavior present in other people but then i seem to realize that i am or was at fault for that behavior as Well. i am not sure if i would call it a form of self-reflection on my part but i know that it has helped me a bit to take a step back and calm down. i do still get annoyed though so i am not sure. As for these people, i can't speak for them, but from what you wrote they may simply be oblivious to their own flaws. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rdgrad15, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Yeah makes sense. I'm sure we've all done that at some point. It's just human nature and thank you!

I don't think it is necessarily (or even usually) self reflection. I do not find it an endearing trait when people look for things about others to complain about. And labelling someone as ''a negative person'' - what does that even mean? Labels are useless when they give no specific information and are simply negative, critical, judgmental and blaming.

I'm talking about the co worker btw, not you. She does seem to be critical and judgmental. Not my favourite sort of person.

Oh I knew who you were referring too. And yeah, it makes no sense. There is a difference between someone who is truly negative, and someone who may just be more realistic, which is what I am. My coworker would be more along the lines of a negative person since she has to point out the downside to everything. Like I said to someone else on this post, she is only happy when it involves leaving work. Other than that, she finds reasons to judge others. Not my favorite kind of person either. She's the same one who will offer favors for others but then gets mad when the offer is accepted.

I don't accept any help from her in order to avoid making her mad. The teacher she was talking about wasn't being negative, just realistic. Basically saying, maybe we'll move into a new building in time, maybe not. We'll see. We did move in after all. I don't think that's a bad mindset to have. That's my usual line of thinking about a lot of stuff, rather than complete gloom and negativity about everything.

I like reading your questions.

I do think you're onto something. I think it's referred to as "mirroring" when we complain or dislike traits in others that we subconsciously see in ourselves.

I also think it's circumstantial. For example, an optimistic person may be more sensitive or aware of a pessimistic's behaviour because they're not inclined to operate in such a negative way themselves that it stands out. For example, I rarely swear and dislike it when people swear during casual conversation so when they do, I notice and it makes me uncomfortable (for a moment).

I've definitely been in situations that I've disliked, only to realize I, too, behaved in that same way. So I think it's important to ask yourself, why does said behaviour bother you so much?

Self-reflection is only self-reflection if you're able to self-reflect.. or else it's just blame, projection, or denial.

Yep makes sense. I agree. Honestly, we all do it at some point to an extent. Some just way more than others and it becomes a problem when they refuse to admit that they have flaws themselves.