[Ladytmt]

Hi all! Today he discarded me. The relationship i spoke about with the alcoholic who i also think is on drugs. I was on track to get him out of my life then like an idiot I allowed him back and after a few months i get discarded by text AND Only after i had to ask. He became distant, sex damn near stopped he started to ignore my texts and calls. So i asked was he seeing someone else and he said “no i’m seeing myself “ i ask so are we broken up he says “idk” then say he didn’t feel the same anymore and said I didn’t check on him when he had covid. Now i called, texted, and tried video chatting him during “covid” he didn’t answer and when he did he always said he was fine he just had no taste so now all of a sudden he tells me I didn’t check on him and he was in pain for 2 weeks. For 1 not sure why he’d want me at risk being around him if he had covid and i have a heart condition #2 he allowed the man living with him to call me a ***** a year ago so i no longer felt welcomed there. I thought i did my best with calling and texting. But now he throws it in my face and dumps me saying he didn’t miss me while he was sick and didn’t feel the same. I know people will say he did me a favor. But i still hurt. I even called domestic violence hotline just to talk and I answered a checklist verbally yes to all questions and I didn’t realize how much i have tolerated. Verbal abuse and some physical that apparently i had blocked out. They ask about choking at first i said no then i said wait yes he has he tried during sex once to choke me and i told him to stop and it took him a while to get off me he thought it was a joke. I have endured and tolerate and to him i am just a poof be gone. Maybe its drugs or another woman or both it still hurts like hell.

[Open Eyes]

Hi @Ladytmt welcome to My Support Forums. When someone has a problem with alcohol, that's the most important thing to the person. The person lives their life around the alcohol more and more. It's a very "narcissistic" addiction so you never really KNOW the person's true self and quite frankly, the person who has the addiction doesn't even know their true self either. The person can get very delusional and moody, high one minute and low and angry the next.

You never really had a healthy relationship to begin with, and there are many symptoms that come with this addiction that are so narcissistic. This includes the love bombing which is part of the high and not REAL love. YES! there is a lot of emotional abuse and blaming others for being unsatisfied.

If this boyfriend did have covid then he was unable to consume alcohol, so now you are dealing with what is called a "dry drunk" because NOW he isn't feeding his addiction. Please don't go the route of being discarded either, because what he says now is what it means to him to be sober and now he doesn't really know HOW to function and live his life this way. Truth is, he never really knew himself, instead he was always escaping via the alcohol and other drugs.

PLEASE, completely distance from him and allow yourself to emotionally detach. Take time now to educate yourself about alcoholism and addictions so you understand how addictions affect the person that is very unhealthy for anyone that is in a relationship with them. Keep in mind that he HAD to stop using because he was sick, so yes given it was not his choice he will behave strangely and even express resentments. A person genuinely has to learn how to live their life differently when they stop using, while the physical addiction isn't present there is a lot of psychological that will need to work on living life without the constant escape of the alcohol or drug.

Truth is, "you can't lose something you never really had in the first place". The relationship was never healthy for you. You now need to learn more about WHAT a healthy relationship is too. You may not know which can come from your own history. That is why educating yourself and reaching out for therapy can help you so you don't end up in yet another unhealthy relationship.

Originally Posted by Ladytmt

Hi all! Today he discarded me. The relationship i spoke about with the alcoholic who i also think is on drugs.

Congratulations! Degenerates should die alone. Allow him and let yourself start the healing process.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the wise and wonderful Open Eyes about distancing yourself from him if possible. It seems like he needs to work on himself first. Focus on yourself as well. Please do not let this discourage you. Hugs. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Ladytmt, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Ladytmt]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Hi @Ladytmt welcome to My Support Forums. When someone has a problem with alcohol, that's the most important thing to the person. The person lives their life around the alcohol more and more. It's a very "narcissistic" addiction so you never really KNOW the person's true self and quite frankly, the person who has the addiction doesn't even know their true self either. The person can get very delusional and moody, high one minute and low and angry the next.

You never really had a healthy relationship to begin with, and there are many symptoms that come with this addiction that are so narcissistic. This includes the love bombing which is part of the high and not REAL love. YES! there is a lot of emotional abuse and blaming others for being unsatisfied.

If this boyfriend did have covid then he was unable to consume alcohol, so now you are dealing with what is called a "dry drunk" because NOW he isn't feeding his addiction. Please don't go the route of being discarded either, because what he says now is what it means to him to be sober and now he doesn't really know HOW to function and live his life this way. Truth is, he never really knew himself, instead he was always escaping via the alcohol and other drugs.

PLEASE, completely distance from him and allow yourself to emotionally detach. Take time now to educate yourself about alcoholism and addictions so you understand how addictions affect the person that is very unhealthy for anyone that is in a relationship with them. Keep in mind that he HAD to stop using because he was sick, so yes given it was not his choice he will behave strangely and even express resentments. A person genuinely has to learn how to live their life differently when they stop using, while the physical addiction isn't present there is a lot of psychological that will need to work on living life without the constant escape of the alcohol or drug.

Truth is, "you can't lose something you never really had in the first place". The relationship was never healthy for you. You now need to learn more about WHAT a healthy relationship is too. You may not know which can come from your own history. That is why educating yourself and reaching out for therapy can help you so you don't end up in yet another unhealthy relationship.

Thanks for your response. I’m still trying to make sense of what happened and of course asking the circling question what did i do wrong along with trying to sort out what anything he said means because he talks in circles., nothing is ever resolved. He always treated me like the enemy, and i think some of the negative behaviors towards me was jealousy of my accomplishments. After all he worked a job 21 years and got fired for performance, and sadly he has nothing to show for his years of service. People choose how they want to live but 21 years is a long time to not at least have a suitable functioning place to live.

[Ladytmt]

Originally Posted by MisterPaul

Congratulations! Degenerates should die alone. Allow him and let yourself start the healing process.

I really think he has hurt a lot of people in his life mainly women because of his childhood so alone he could possibly end up. Who knows. I didn’t have a perfect childhood either buy it doesn’t make me disrespect people like he chose to disrespect me.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Ladytmt

Thanks for your response. I’m still trying to make sense of what happened and of course asking the circling question what did i do wrong along with trying to sort out what anything he said means because he talks in circles., nothing is ever resolved. He always treated me like the enemy, and i think some of the negative behaviors towards me was jealousy of my accomplishments. After all he worked a job 21 years and got fired for performance, and sadly he has nothing to show for his years of service. People choose how they want to live but 21 years is a long time to not at least have a suitable functioning place to live.

When a relationship is problematic, it's important not to decide you did something wrong when the other person treats you badly. You are now learning to pay attention to the clues that mean the other person isn't going to be a healthy person to be in a relationship with. When a person is abusing alcohol, it's a huge red flag because you are already competing with something that is more important to the person and can contribute to their being very moody and having poor skills and where they tend to lose jobs, argue, miss work, and don't have reliable housing.

And the problem simply gets worse with time. You are trying to reason with a person that is not mentally capable of reasoning because the addiction always takes priority.