The ending of my relationship

LOL - well, I actually did the opposite! I contacted him to let him know of the charge and to ask him to double check and make sure my cards are deleted from his photos. So, IF he did it, HE knows that I now know and he's still busted, yet indirectly. LOL. And now he knows it's canceled so that he can never use it again - the flip side of that scenario!

I did this. I don't regret it all!

Wow. If it’s him it’s so low of him to use it now

SO LOW. I wouldn't put it past him though!

I had a guy friend visit me last night - a friend I hadn't actually seen in four years, but we've texted. Every other sentence that came out of my mouth had to do with my husband. No joke. I can see how it's going to take a long time to get him out of my system.

I feel so alone in my struggle… I have several close friendships, but each of those friends are old friends who live out of state. Nearby me, I am realizing that my close friends are few…. I may even cut out one of those friends as I am seeing he is toxic to me -- and maybe that's the point is for me to be alone and be comfortable with it.

But I know I cannot survive this divorce on my own. I need support and help. I'm using my abuse support group on Facebook, and I may need to continue to call the abuse hotline, though that hasn't been all too helpful… it's really for crisis situations and safety measures. I feel like I need therapy three times a week. I am struggling with all the abuse. It's caught up with me, and now I am truly feeling the ramifications.

And, it's May 2nd. Our second wedding anniversary is on May 7th - it's making me feel very sad about who I used to be and who I am now.

I remember who and how I was just when I met him - and I had far more confidence then. I remember thinking he seemed insecure and uncertain of himself, and I felt compassion for him.

I pick up strays who are broken and need help. NO more. I am not picking up any more broken souls in my life.

And I realize I have surrounded myself with many broken souls. Perhaps I am one of them too, but I tend to think I'm a fighter and a survivor vs. broken. I am temporarily broken, but I will mend eventually and will be far stronger as a result.

I need to cut out all the broken people in my life. Someone once told me never befriend someone who has more problems than you. The same can go for romance.

I need strong and healthy-minded people around me - not an alcoholic like one of my friends is. He came over earlier this week and tried to grope me. I will not be inviting him over ever again, and that's the friendship I will be eliminating - a 30-year friendship. He is NO friend.

Wise.

I have learned to keep the real broken people at arms distance. I will help them but not engage with them.

Yes, we can be broken for awhile but we also have to throw away the things that cause us to be broken just like we learn to keep the broken people away.

Lol....I bring in stray animals that need healed, not people & you know, some of them don't survive. But broken people can screw up your life where animals don't

I also was a strong person before the last 13 years I lived with my husband. It is definitely possible to come back stronger & better when we heal & when we learn better skills to keep us from ever getting to that point again.

I would rather be a strong single woman than a weak married one & I personally will not waste my time ever "looking" for that "right" man. If he comes around my life & I observe that he is right OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME then I MAY CONSIDER but even that would be highly doubtful. Being selective is not a bad thing like some people paint it to be. It is being wise & IN CONTROL of your own life & there sure is nothing wrong with that.

This all takes time to develop & practice.....so be patient with yourself & keep working on eliminating those people & screening others thoroughly who come into your life. You can get to that stronger & better point

@eskielover, you say the wisest things. I couldn't agree more.

This is a crossroads I am at in my life. I realize I need to make some healthy changes and choices now in order to change my more unhealthy past.

I realize that I need to be far pickier about those whom I allow in. I realize I need to heal myself first and be alone for a long time.

I see what I need to do and I know I can do it. It's just a matter of actually DOING IT.

Change isn't easy, especially, dramatic change. And I need dramatic change in my life. I know it will take time, and that I may stumble and fall as I grow in a new direction. But I also know that it is necessary for me to make these big changes in order to welcome healthier people into my own life.

I will not be making the same mistakes over and over again. I've done that far too often, and that's why I see the necessity for me to make a life overhaul at the age of 50. I am ready for this now.

I am taking stock of my own patterns and behaviors and see how they've landed me into toxic situations for myself. No more. It's time to change the patterns and my life.

Some manipulators also pretend to be broken to elicit compassion from vulnerable women. They often recycle similar stories

SO true. Though my husband truly is a broken man, when it comes to him.

My friend who tried to molest me the other night? He's got some major screws loose. He tried to take advantage of me being single and vulnerable again by doing what he did to me. I am most resentful that he treated me so disrespectfully! I will not be hanging out with him ever again, and I will not be contacting him.

I just received this text from my husband:

"We miss you so much. Life without you is horrible. I hope you are Okay. Thanks for listening."

UGH.

We? He speaks of himself in plural?

LOL - he includes our cats in the "we". As though the cats talk to him and tell him they miss me.

More love bombing texts yesterday. Does he not have any pride? It's groveling. I've told him no and why and he doesn't believe me. I will not continue repeating myself, so I don't engage with these types of texts, or any texts anymore really.

But truly.... he thinks because he wore me down once, that continued love bombing will wear me down again.

And I love how he continues to ignore what I've stated: "I will never trust you". He just doesn't believe me.

What's infuriating is it continues to be all about him, what he wants and what he needs. He uses the word "I" repeatedly in these texts, not once mentioning ME.

Have Hope, some tough love from MisterPaul, brace yourself...

I think within a month you'll be back with him and then you gonna break up again and again and again...

You seem obssesed with this douche. I looked through almost entire thread and I don't think I've ever seen something like this before...

You pay attention to everything he does. You said you can't have a random chat without mentoning him. You are willing to put all your attention and emotions into one st*pid text he sent you. He's got your mind and he's gonna suck you untill you die. He love bombs you because he knows it will get your attention and, oh boy, he's not wrong...

I'm not gonna tell what to do, it's your life. Though I am sure for as long as you're so focused on him, he's got you.

@MisterPaul. you're wrong on a couple fronts. I am not obsessed first of all. You witness my posts online and that is one tiny portion of my whole life and day. I post on here, then I go about my day with other activities and I focus on other things. Secondly, just because I got back together with him ONCE doesn't mean I will get back together with him again and again. Understand this. I am moving forward in my life, and I am moving on. I am focusing on my healing process, I am spending time with my friends and family, I am decorating my apartment, I am going out, and I am doing other things in my life. So, you're off based on this one, sorry.

I have a suggestion that may send a clear signal that you are done and don't want to play his games anymore.
Technically, when he contacts you after you have asked him to not contact you, it's harassment. Your local police can take a report and advise you about a protection from harassment order. He isn't going to be arrested or anything dramatic, but a police officer will likely give him a call and explain to him that repeatedly texting you after you told him not to is a crime.
I know it seems harsh, but getting him to stop contacting you is step one. Its very empowering to be in control of something as well. If you decide to take this step, stick to the facts, leave emotions out of it when reporting it.
This is just a suggestion. I've said before, I can only offer suggestions based on my life experience. This step will deter most people from contacting you again.

I hope you find peace soon so you can work on healing and living your best life.

Thank you for your suggestion @RollercoasterLover.

I feel this is a bit extreme for what I am dealing with though. He sent that text, I replied with a very brief reply that clearly communicated "leave me alone", and he did leave me alone for the remainder of the day.

I am just astounded by his lack of pride when sending these types of pleading texts.

Its very good that he left you alone. I hope he takes you seriously and continues. I'm glad you don't need to use this suggestion!

WOW - really? Seriously?

This is what I just received from him, unprompted by me, and in no way encouraged by me - he won't stop.

I hope you have a good day. I wonder if I could stop by to talk to you at some point this week. I miss you terribly. I believe in my heart of hearts we are for each other.

I would be willing to convert to Christianity and get baptized to be with you and live a happy life together. I made mistakes. I will get my own therapy. I do love you and miss you and only want to make you happy.

Now he's willing to convert? I don't need a restraining order or police involved, but this is ridiculous.

I still think you spend too much time and energy on him... but, why so serious? Let's do something else.

Tell him you want to convert to Islam, please. Do it for me

You keep responding instead of blocking. You are encouraging him to continue because he knows he gets through to you whether good or bad which continues to give him hope that you will cave like you have before. If you truly want this to stop, you are capable of stopping it. Sometimes we get caught up in the drama of the situation itself which makes it harder for us to PERMANENTLY draw the line. Find your own strength to put a stop to it instead of just replying you want it to stop. It takes action, not just words on your part because you know what he wants & he will not stop until you put a stop to this insanity by blocking all communication to him

Now that made me laugh. LOL.

I did not reply to his last text and I don’t plan on it.

Just out of curiosity, what is your action plan to stop him from contacting you or coming over even though you have made it clear you want him to leave you alone? If he were to knock on the door this evening and begged you to talk to him, what would you do?

I feel for you. I can relate to someone totally ignoring every word you say. I hope he hears what you are saying soon.