The ending of my relationship

Thank you for understanding!

The key wording is "... if they knew".

I no longer have a lawyer and cannot afford one.

It is hard since the divorce is not final... we have yet to even file for divorce!

I am looking into how to file on my own, since his own lawyer is dragging his heels, although, I missed the one time per month window yesterday to call "Dial a Lawyer" in my state yesterday. My therapist told me last night that I can go directly to the court and work with a lawyer there on how to file for divorce. I want to get this going ASAP, so I will likely need to file on my own.

Other life issues are taking precedence right now though.

I get it, but he could say all kind of nasty things regardless if you ask about his father. He could lie for all you know. He could say you didn’t ask even if you did or you didn’t ask enough or you ask because you have a secret agenda secretly wanting him back or he could say you manipulate him by asking and giving him false hopes and you send him mixed messages. I am pretty sure he’ll use your phone calls as a sign to keep trying to keep this marriage going.

The point is that you can’t let him control your life. Even if you two get divorced, he could still be bad mouthing you to people (sadly many people do and some keep going years after divorce). Heck he said some nasty things about his ex and continued bad mouthing her and likely spoke poorly of her to friends too, not just to you. He could do the same to you or maybe he won’t. You really don’t know,

So does it mean you are on the hook for life being scared what he’ll do or say?

No - not on the hook for life. And I do see your point. To date, no one has come back to me saying he is talking nasty about me.. YET. He'll probably say nasty things as soon as I can actually file for divorce. I know it's something I have zero control over, and right now, I am attempting to think I have some control when in fact, I have no control.

Hi!

I am new here and don't know where to start but i read your post and I am sorry your going thru this. I am in the process of starting a divorce and I am a mess. I can relate to a lot of what you said but especially the anger and what to do with it and journaling. I feel the same way thre is so much anger and pain and hurt. I don;t even know where to start. your post made me feel not alone. Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best!

Good luck with that. What other life issues are getting in the way for now if it's not too private to ask?

Thank you, and I wish you the best as well! Divorce is really hard, but it's good if you have conviction that it's the right thing to do for yourself. Free yourself.

A lot - I've been through several life crises lately and I am in recovery now from all of it.

Yesterday was my second wedding anniversary. I was severely depressed the day before and could barely function at work. Yesterday was far better and I managed to get through the full day and night without shedding a single tear. Thank goodness that it's over though. It was ROUGH.

Today he sent me a picture of himself crying. Yesterday was our second wedding anniversary. It's an emotional time for both of us. I told him I cannot keep talking to him. I will block him now.

Picture of him crying is a manipulation. That’s ridiculous. I can’t imagine sending my crying pictures to anyone about anything. So goofy. That’s completely inappropriate. Why send a picture. Grown man sends pics of himself. He is crying about a wedding for which you paid with your money (and exuberant amount) and at which he was angry and yelling at you and then was drugged up on cocaine, which he bought with YOUR money. Please. You had a fight in the wedding day. Is that the best he can do? Cry about that? This is getting insane.

It IS insane - tell me about it. He has been making me crazy for three years now. Enough is enough. I need greater peace and far less drama. He is drama queen x100.

So now I've blocked him for real.

He texted yesterday and within his lengthy barrage of texts, he once again used the police as an excuse for his infidelity, yet when we were together again just recently, he claimed he would never use this as an excuse again. So, once again, he is not taking responsibility for his actions and is changing his tune, yet again.

He makes me absolutely crazy - his deflections are crazy making. In one minute, he says it was a bad decision and a mistake, then the next, he's blaming ME again for it. I am seething over this once again, hence my blocking him, finally. I also unfriended him on Facebook.

At least I've taken the step to cut off all contact except for email communication where he can send me the divorce paperwork. I told him this - do not contact me now except for divorce paperwork.

So it's finally done. Needing peace in my life trumped worrying about any retaliation. I cannot control what he says or thinks, and I no longer wish to try. It's out of my hands. Clearly, he still wants to blame ME for HIS infidelity - and I will NOT accept that. It's completely unacceptable. Being unfaithful was HIS CHOICE and HIS DECISION. I am NOT responsible for HIS hurtful actions.

No matter how much he claims to be a loving little lamb, the wolf underneath keeps revealing itself...

@Bill3, yes, exactly this. You said it perfectly. He continues to prove this to me over and over again, and despite his grand sweeping statements and declaration of massive change, without any therapy mind you. What a joke.

He's now emailing me a bunch of his crap, after I've blocked him on my phone and unfriended him on Facebook. This morning he wrote an email saying he tried to call and couldn't get through, and would I call him back.

I sent my goodbye email in reply to ALL of his, saying the only thing I wish to hear about are next steps in the divorce process. I told him that if I do not hear on this within one week, that I am going to file for divorce myself. I still cannot afford to do so and don't want to have to pay the filing fee on my own, but I will if I must.

Once again, I am exasperated by him.

If you are the one wanting a divorce it’s a given you file for it. He isn’t going to file if he hopes for reconciliation. What happened with those letters lawyers were drafting before you two got back together?

There was only a divorce agreement that was being drafted and negotiated between the lawyers. The agreement has been finalized. I just personally have not had the time to look into filing on my own, and I have no clue what I need to do in order to file.

Now I am receiving a barrage of emails from him - at least 10 today or more. I am not replying.

Look up your county’s probate and family court and they should have info online or call them. Was that letter that lawyers drafted signed? That’s your separation agreement but maybe you don’t need it. Filing isn’t expensive.

The agreement is not signed. My therapist suggested last week that I work through the county court. I am getting a stimulus check, so that can help pay for filing.

Yes county court will deal with it. It shouldn’t be too expensive.

I thought there was no more stimulus coming. There was one in March. I thought that was the last one. One more would be a blessing

Yes, I received the payment that is still coming out and being paid. I filed my taxes in April, so I just received mine.

Since I've blocked him on my phone, I now instead am receiving a barrage of emails. He's trying to convince me to speak with him. I am not caving or giving into him,. At one point he tried to twist it to be all about supporting HIM through a rough time, when he had supported ME through a rough time. He only wants to convince me to get back together, and he thinks I'm being heartless. I don't care. I am not allowing him to manipulate me again, and I am not allowing him to guilt trip me into talking to him. I am setting strong boundaries, and that feels good to do.

But he continues to ignore and dismiss everything I've said to him so far: I don't trust you, I cannot trust you, I don't want to be with you, this is over. He still thinks he can convince me and turn me around again. It's truly astounding the lengths he's going to to change my mind and get me to speak with him.

Now I'm going to have to work towards not reading the emails. Next step in the process. At least I've taken certain measures to reduce the contact between us.

Oh ok. I periodically get excited that there is one more stimulus coming