Describing others as toxic people

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes So toxic is a feeling? I had not thought of it that way eskie. So basically people are sharing what social behaviors and types of individuals are too uncomfortable for them to be around or interact with. I am thinking about this in terms of my older sister who insists on having all the control and power otherwise for her unless things go her way someone is bad. It’s all about HER feelings and drama otherwise she rages it has to be her way with everything according to her feelings. She even states with her there is only one rule. “Do as she says”.

I get that it is a way of expressing how we feel about someone's behaviors. Remember, what is toxic behavior to you may just feel like a "pain in the @$$" to someone else because they have different coping skills.

Like my ex, someone else could have seen him as a great husband while my standards of "great" are much different than someone else's & I saw his behavior as financially abusive where others could have seen it as just incompetent. While at the same time you called the MIA lawyer of mine "toxic" while I see it as an annoyance that I have to deal with & get on with my legal issues.

There are some people I will be around & even help but will NEVER allow into my personal space to be friends with. The people up at the barn are an example of that. While I have a very good friend who is a great part of my life & she & I see things politically in a total different light & any political discussions do get very animated (not heated or angry)

I definitely get how words like "toxic" describe our own feeling about someone or a situation. While others may totally agree, that agreement is based on their own feelings while someone else may see them totally different.

My mom thought my husband was great & I was the bad person for fighting with him. Lol....she never had a concept of reality but by the end of my marriage there was absolutely NOTHING my husband could do that was right. Sadly he has proven my point of view to be accurate

It is a feeling to me, yes, the particular way these things affect me.



I think that it's also about luck. That different types of manipulative people will manipulate differently, or different types of toxic people will have a different effect on you (whether intentional manipulation or not intentional at all), and it's luck if one hasn't run into people who could affect them deeply enough like that. Because everyone has different vulnerabilities, and not everyone is going to manage to touch on them.

So I really think it has nothing to do with being healthy or unhealthy. If you (general you) are a healthy person but someone finds a way to e.g. lie to you effectively enough, then it's going to be a problem anyway

(See more below too, I'm responding to your newest post too)



Yes. Great way to put this. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses too. So this does partially influence this. And then someone may be at the best time in their lives, high vitality, lots of happiness, lots of resources and support, so they will be able to take more negativity than someone else who's already drained of their energy. This also partially influences things.

Then some things are of course too extreme for everyone, but then with some things this is individual, a pain in the ****** for someone and toxic poison for someone else as they can't clean it out fast enough. And vice versa, something else could be poison to the first person and only a PITA to the latter. But then yes, some things are going to be toxic for anyone. Lots of lying, or violence for example is not something anyone would want.



Yeah, I practice not engaging, too. I'm a fighter too and I also like constructive discussion so I used to think there was a point in interacting with the assumption that we each would look at our responsibilities, instead of escalating the issue into really bad, negative drama or other toxic behaviour leading nowhere. I used to believe that such people operate like the majority of people. But no, they do not operate like the majority. Too many issues of their own get in the way, probably. Either in general too many issues, or for the particular type of situation that's ongoing. But it's not my job to solve their issues. I have only one life and can't spend precious time on other people's issues like that. So I just do not engage.

Stephanie Bennett-Henry

Because you had written that if a person has had multiple abusive relationships and is in an another abusive relationship, that both people are toxic... my bad if I misunderstood! Sorry about that.