[AzulOscuro]

I disagree with the idea that there are toxic people. Noone is perfect. In my opinion, the most majority of people are normal with flaws. Agree that there are some behaviours that can trigger or bother you, even effect you if you have a deep relation with a person but out of that I pretty much think that people is just that, people, like you or me.
What I may see as a flaw or a toxic behaviour for me, could be viewed as something normal by another person or something that (s)he can handle.

For example, I’m a person with lots of insecurities and I tend to fall into depression. I may being considered as a toxic person but maybe I have some other positive points, something more to offer apart from my mental issues.

People is not only what they can offer you or what you can take from them. They are human beings as you.

[RoxanneToto]

I think there’s a difference between people who, like you, admit they have flaws and would prefer their relationships to be more reciprocal, and those who don’t recognise other people’s feelings, rights, boundaries etc. Having insecurities doesn’t make you a bad person, per se.
A lot of us have known people like that, most of them don’t think there’s anything wrong with their behaviour and so aren’t interested in changing, even if they realise they’re pushing others away. There are also those who actively enjoy harming others. Those people I certainly would call toxic/dangerous, not just flawed.

[AzulOscuro]

Agree. People who are not ready to learn or don’t care about the others who are close to them are very few. These are only exceptions.
However, the habit we got in labelling whoever as a toxic person is well-spread and is unfair.

[Open Eyes]

It’s true that the word toxic is being used a lot. I guess it’s the new go to way to label someone one may have challenges interacting with.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It’s true that the word toxic is being used a lot. I guess it’s the new go to way to label someone one may have challenges interacting with.

You had said all with only a few words from my personal view. I totally agree.

[TishaBuv]

Definition:
1. poisonous.
"the dumping of toxic waste"
2. very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.
"a toxic relationship"

You make a great point. People are not toxic. Behavior can be metaphorically toxic. It can be so detrimental, those around it feel ‘poisoned’. It’s become a trendy buzz term and it is hurtful to say a person is toxic. I think it’s better to focus on someone’s behavior being unhealthy, not the person themselves.

[Molinit]

Agree - "toxic" is the trendy word now. Used to be described as a challenging or difficult person.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that the word may be overused a bit. i do think that sometimes we meet some people in our Lives from whom is better to stay away from. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @AzulOscuro, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Nammu]

I find that people who throw out labels like toxic and narcissistic are projecting, after all while they’re pointing three fingers are pointing back at themselves

Great Post, Azul. I agree.

[leomama]

You can say someone is toxic for you without saying they are a toxic person. Sometimes people are toxic for example if they lie. Sometimes you have to accept that a person isn’t good for you.

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[divine1966]

There are a lot of buzz words now: narcissist, toxic, borderline, on a spectrum, perfectionist etc Most of the time there is no true diagnosis or any kind of valid reason to use such wording. I see a lot of it online. People I know in real life don’t speak in cliches. I just chuckle it to a particular crowd that likes to speak in buzz words. I think some people just use simplistic approach. And some are likely projecting.

I don’t let it bother me because it’s no one I actually know. I take what I read online with a grain of salt. People could be making stuff up for all I know or say questionable stuff to amp up drama and to aggravate others on purpose.

[RoxanneToto]

Originally Posted by leomama

You can say someone is toxic for you without saying they are a toxic person. Sometimes people are toxic for example if they lie. Sometimes you have to accept that a person isn’t good for you.

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I agree with this - we should be allowed to discern if another person’s behaviour could be, or is, harmful for us and maybe other people too without being judged for that in turn.
A lot of people maybe use the label ‘toxic’ as shorthand for “this person’s behaviour could be harmful to your health”. For further details apply within

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by leomama

You can say someone is toxic for you without saying they are a toxic person. Sometimes people are toxic for example if they lie. Sometimes you have to accept that a person isn’t good for you.

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I also agree with this and I agree with the OP about using the word "toxic". Personally, I prefer keeping it simply to me and my boundaries. "This person is not healthy for me to be around." or "Being around this person makes me uncomfortable." etc. Versus a blanket statement that sort of condemns them. It's the same with workplaces. What may not work for one person in an employer's culture could be totally fine for another.

What I don't like about using that word in such a blanket way, which I see often used, is that it's used like a label rather than as you are suggesting, which is how they impact you personally. I think it has become a buzz word to label people and "other" them versus try to overcome poor communication and build relationships.

I've met a few people who others might consider toxic, and even who at one point I felt like my relationship with them was toxic. But through communication and understanding, have built strong relationships with these people. I think people jump to calling anyone they have a conflict with "toxic" so they don't have to deal with the conflict and try and find resolution.

There's a newer person who works for one of my clients, and she definitely can grate my nerves from time to time because she can be very resistant to new ideas. But I also know, from having talked to her a lot, that her resistance comes from a place of uncertainty and fear about what it will mean for her work load, will she be able to gain competency in new tasks, and will there be any one to support her in new work. Knowing that, I know how to overcome her resistance and make sure she is supported when we take on new work. I learned how to make her an ally.

Her resistance and attitude could be considered toxic by some. I don't think that's the case though.

So I guess what I'm saying (forgive my rambling) is that IMO people often use labels to write things off and excuse themselves from dealing with conflict.

[Open Eyes]

@AzulOscuro I respect your effort to try very hard to interact in English when it’s not the language you normally speak. I think you try very hard and tbh I don’t think I would do all that well if I was trying to interact in your language.

We can’t just expect other people to navigate the way we need. People are all different and develop their own ways of navigating.

I struggle with ptsd and it can be extremely hard to manage. I have had to reach out for help and therapy and have had to do a lot of reading in an effort to understand it. I have shared and ongoing challenge with my older sister and I will say therapists have used the term toxic and disordered and narcissistic to describe the behaviors that have actually traumatized me. So I have probably used the word toxic myself from time to time. I had never used those labels before. I think that my therapist gave me those labels to help me see that her behaviors were bad because he noticed I was being treated badly and he wanted me see that instead of trying to empathize so much.

Now I can look back and realize that many of her behaviors were due to how she was actually stealing and did not want me to find out.

I have noticed how people do use the label toxic too much. And people also use the label narcissistic a lot too. More than one therapist used that term a lot as well. A lot of people have labeled her Evil and a witch and some words that won’t come up in print. Entitled is another word used a lot.

I do think it is important to pay attention to one’s own behaviors that may contribute to our challenges. People are complex and all our lives we will come across behaviors in others that can be a challenge to navigate around. It’s called learning to be self aware and seeing our own part when having challenges with others. Not everything that challenges us is external.

That’s what I noticed about my sister. She blames too much of her own issues on others. When someone is like that it’s often a waste of time to convince them otherwise. Therapists have told me that as well.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by leomama

You can say someone is toxic for you without saying they are a toxic person. Sometimes people are toxic for example if they lie. Sometimes you have to accept that a person isn’t good for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes, this is a particular impression. A specific case.
There are very few people who are compulsory liars.
You never lied? I did.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Definition:
1. poisonous.
"the dumping of toxic waste"
2. very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.
"a toxic relationship"

You make a great point. People are not toxic. Behavior can be metaphorically toxic. It can be so detrimental, those around it feel ‘poisoned’. It’s become a trendy buzz term and it is hurtful to say a person is toxic. I think it’s better to focus on someone’s behavior being unhealthy, not the person themselves.

Thank you, Tisha!
It’s very unfair as you say, describing someone as toxic for several reasons.
One is that we are talking about persons. It sounds as if we’d carry something contagious. (I include myself because I’ve been called toxic). Boo! lol!
Two, because we all have one or another of these called as “toxic behaviours” so, we are gonna be “toxic” for someone else.
If we are all “toxic” in one sense or another, it doesn’t make sense to talk about the others, as distinguishing us from them. Are we, for any reason that escapes from my understanding, better than “the other”?
Three, we tend to share with people. So we give our opinions about others without noticing that we are the ones who are injecting poison against the other person. They will carry the label of abuser, narcissist, drunker...what about hypocrisy?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that the word may be overused a bit. i do think that sometimes we meet some people in our Lives from whom is better to stay away from. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @AzulOscuro, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

But how many cases are these? Very few. Most of the times, the simple fact is that we don’t connect with this person or vice versa what it’s ok.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I find that people who throw out labels like toxic and narcissistic are projecting, after all while they’re pointing three fingers are pointing back at themselves

Lol! This is what I was gonna say. That it seems as a vicarious self-loathing.
I guess it’s somehow better to put the blame into others than take responsibility and learn.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

Great Post, Azul. I agree.

I only try to give a voice to the ones whose voice was stolen.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by divine1966

There are a lot of buzz words now: narcissist, toxic, borderline, on a spectrum, perfectionist etc Most of the time there is no true diagnosis or any kind of valid reason to use such wording. I see a lot of it online. People I know in real life don’t speak in cliches. I just chuckle it to a particular crowd that likes to speak in buzz words. I think some people just use simplistic approach. And some are likely projecting.

I don’t let it bother me because it’s no one I actually know. I take what I read online with a grain of salt. People could be making stuff up for all I know or say questionable stuff to amp up drama and to aggravate others on purpose.

Yes, it’s all drama when you throw labels here and there onto others while you put yourself under the best light possible. It is not possible. It doesn’t happen. Online or off line.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

@AzulOscuro I respect your effort to try very hard to interact in English when it’s not the language you normally speak. I think you try very hard and tbh I don’t think I would do all that well if I was trying to interact in your language.

We can’t just expect other people to navigate the way we need. People are all different and develop their own ways of navigating.

I struggle with ptsd and it can be extremely hard to manage. I have had to reach out for help and therapy and have had to do a lot of reading in an effort to understand it. I have shared and ongoing challenge with my older sister and I will say therapists have used the term toxic and disordered and narcissistic to describe the behaviors that have actually traumatized me. So I have probably used the word toxic myself from time to time. I had never used those labels before. I think that my therapist gave me those labels to help me see that her behaviors were bad because he noticed I was being treated badly and he wanted me see that instead of trying to empathize so much.

Now I can look back and realize that many of her behaviors were due to how she was actually stealing and did not want me to find out.

I have noticed how people do use the label toxic too much. And people also use the label narcissistic a lot too. More than one therapist used that term a lot as well. A lot of people have labeled her Evil and a witch and some words that won’t come up in print. Entitled is another word used a lot.

I do think it is important to pay attention to one’s own behaviors that may contribute to our challenges. People are complex and all our lives we will come across behaviors in others that can be a challenge to navigate around. It’s called learning to be self aware and seeing our own part when having challenges with others. Not everything that challenges us is external.

That’s what I noticed about my sister. She blames too much of her own issues on others. When someone is like that it’s often a waste of time to convince them otherwise. Therapists have told me that as well.

Unluckily, your sister’s case is one of these exceptions. I know you are suffering because of this. She’s your sister, I’ve never heard you to talk bad about people or giving them labels or discredit people in your life. In the contrary.

[Open Eyes]

I have experienced a great deal of cognitive dissonance when it comes to her. Yet I don’t care to get involved with hate or punishing her or even wanting her dead. Instead I am extremely disappointed and just want distance and no more interaction. Her behavior is toxic for me as a person. Yet for her, her pleasure is hurting me. That is not anything I can change. I gain no pleasure for causing another’s suffering. Just not anything I care to engage.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Yes, this is a particular impression. A specific case.
There are very few people who are compulsory liars.
You never lied? I did.

I forgot about the language barrier.

I’m talking about a chronic liar , I don’t know about compulsive . Are there no web forums in your native language?

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[Snap66]

I love those who call others "toxic" yet have had issues with everyone that they have met