Feeling hurt

How do I cope with this and why does it bother me? What do I do about it?

Its a few things. Mainly, I'm feeling hurt and/ or left out. There's a few issues I'm struggling with, but I will give just one of them here.

Before the pandemic, my friend started a DnD group. He invited me, and while I quickly learned I'm not into DnD, I liked hanging out with this group of people. Sometimes I'd go just to sit with them and knit. I had sort of a crush on one of the guys there. At a coffee hour thing, me and the guy I had a crush on played jenga. But something he said rubbed me the wrong way, ppl were watching and I was uncomfortable. That night my male friend texted me, teasing me about liking this guy. I didn't like that either. Then the pandemic hit and everything went to ****. Crush guy was in a few zoom events I went to, but he completely ignored me even when I tried to engage positively. He just seemed so standoffish. They started DnD recently again. I wasn't invited, but my male friend told me it started up again. I expressed to him how lonely I've been (not as a hint to join the group), but he invited me to join and I was elated. I found out they met this week though, and he hadn't told me. I asked if I could join next week, and he said "well its just going to be me and ____ (guy I had crush on) so maybe you should come the week after." I have no idea why he said this. I did mention to him that crush guy was standoffish. I don't know.

Honestly, it hurts to be left out, but I don't want to be part of a group of people who I feel doesn't accept me, can't communicate appropriately, and who I feel very insecure around now.

And I know I have that one guy friend...but sometimes I'm not sure about him. He can be very negative, pushy / forceful with his opinions, and callous. He's also very lovely - we have good convos sometimes. But maybe distance is a good idea.

I am *very* lonely. And hearing about how happy they are, feels even lonelier. I feel like I'm in 6th grade all over again. But back then I didn't listen to my intuition. I tried to befriend people who weren't right for me / rejected me.

What do you think? Should I try to hang out with these people? Or let it be?

I asked him. He said he just thought I'd be more comfortable with the female there too.

Am I making an issue out of nothing?
What's wrong with me? Why am I so insecure?

I have not found that anyone who is callous towards me can be a friend. I was engaged to someone who was lovely sometimes but had a very callous side. He said some horrible things. It would have been a big mistake to stay with him any longer. He hurt me a lot as it was....

Really? Me too. I wonder if we were engaged to the same man.

He was very smart, a bit too smart maybe. He did say he had always had issues with his mental health. I met him at University. He had cutting words for most people, his parents had said that they were happy we were engaged.... that's nice, the parents of some former (and later on) boyfriends were absolute ********

Yep, if you read some of my relationship threads you will see that I had to pull back from a relationship because my bf was totally enmeshed with and enabled by his mother .

I met my ex fiancé on line, as a result of his hearing his music online .

All my men have been smart , especially this last one, people sold me on his smartness. Im not impressed .

I would like support in this thread. It is my thread. Thank you.

I also expressed to him that I noticed he didn't invite me today. He did say "I am sorry." But he didn't explain why.

I'm not sure that someone simply saying ''I am sorry'' with no further words or explanation is ok. I am thinking of one example in particular from my life .... again, someone who was supposed to be somewhat ''close''.... but, maybe this person meant he was sorry. (the person I used to have a ''relationship'' with probably did not have much empathy or other qualities which would make an ''I'm sorry'' genuine) It depends a lot on the tone of voice, and other stuff, as I'm sure you know (and sorry this message is rushed, its long past my bed time and I have other things I need to do which I have been putting off tonight) Hugs and much respect to you

We talked. I feel kind of silly. He was very nice. He said he genuinely wants me there at the group, I'm wanted, even if I just sit and knit, and he said that their group today developed very quickly and that's why he didn't have a chance to say anything.


The things I think in my head feel very real. Its painful. But I believe him too.


Fuzzybear, it's ok.