[sarahsweets]

I’ve always felt that looks are secondary. I say this because I’ve heard many guys and girls say they have a type.
“Oh she’s just my type”
“ He isn’t my type”
I don’t have a type. I seriously don’t. Over the course of my life I’ve dated men that were completely different as far as looks go. There are features I find sexy for example, I love a good jaw line and hands. Yes hands. There’s something about the shape of a man’s hands that gets me. But beyond those types of things personality trumps all of it. And it’s not just whether somebody is friendly or funny, I value intelligence the ability to debate and conversation.

But lately (over the last few years) it seems like people have been getting very shallow. I don’t really understand it because we all know as you get older your looks change. I’m not saying as you age you get ugly you just change. So if you’re a shallow person and you thought a girl with big bosoms and a big booty was super important . 20 years later maybe in those big booties and big bosoms wont be there or at least not in the way someone wanted.

And it bothers me when people pick other people apart with the idea of being joky or funny or in a group of people thinking that it makes them really funny.

I don’t know if it’s a groupthink sort of thing where a bunch of 20-year-old guys and girls get together and are like “OMG he is so hot!” Followed by “no he’s so not my type he’s so ugly.” I know this happens with groups of guys but I don’t want to stereotype and I’m not a guy so maybe some other guys can shed light on that sort of groupthink experience.

I’m more of a humanist or at least I like to carry empathy on my shoulders. And it’s hard for me to believe that luxe matter as much as they seem to. But then you have apps where you swipe right or left 10 seconds apart from each other so looks have to be an important thing yes? I guess it’s easier for me to have perspective because I’ve been married 25 years. It was love at first sight with my husband and I know I’m very fortunate. I know I’m very lucky because relationships are so hard for so many people. I realize many people don’t have the experience that I have had.

But the idea of people being lonely simply because their “looks “don’t measure up to what society says or what shallow and vapid men or women say pains me.

What do you all think?

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[BigBubba]

I've been fat. I've had acne. I've been dressing poorly. Then I've shaped up. I've taken care of acne. I've dressed well. During the journey I've been on every step of the ladder and this is the conclusion:

Looks are CRUCIAL. They matter A LOT. Personality is secondary in the big picture. If you're not sexually attracted to someone then that person may stay around... as a friend. On the other hand, if Brad Pitt had a personality of a rotten potato, he wouldn't get anybody as well. So the personality has to be there, but without looks it doesn't really matter (it's hard to get to know someone if you don't want to talk to them).

[TishaBuv]

Both looks and personality attract us to the person. Some people are so shallow they are only attracted to look and don’t care much about personality. I think it’s a balance. I can be attracted to personality, but if not attracted to looks, it won’t go beyond friendship. Plus, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What looks attract me are not necessarily traditional good looks.

People age and change, but at least we both do, so it’s still that looks are on equal ground. I joke that I am glad our eyesight is going so we don’t see the wrinkles!

Personality is more crucial than looks IMO, but I still have to be attracted physically to be intimate.

[MickeyCheeky]

i think it is an important question. i partly agree with the wise and wonderful BigBubba that looks are important at least for certain people. First impressions can count. Of course i am not sure if there's anyone that may use that as their only criteria. i think in general things like dressing well and smelling well may be Useful as well though not entirely related to one's look. It may have something to do with self-confidence as well i think. i have almost zero experience myself and perhaps that is because i am a bit ugly but also because i have never really put myself out there perhaps. i think there can be several factors at play, some more important maybe. Stay Safe. Do not give up Hope. Sending many Safe, warm Hugs to BOTH you, @sarahsweets, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i think it is an important question. i partly agree with the wise and wonderful BigBubba that looks are important at least for certain people. First impressions can count. Of course i am not sure if there's anyone that may use that as their only criteria. i think in general things like dressing well and smelling well may be Useful as well though not entirely related to one's look. It may have something to do with self-confidence as well i think. i have almost zero experience myself and perhaps that is because i am a bit ugly but also because i have never really put myself out there perhaps. i think there can be several factors at play, some more important maybe. Stay Safe. Do not give up Hope. Sending many Safe, warm Hugs to BOTH you, @sarahsweets, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

You are not ugly @MickeyCheeky !

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[sarahsweets]

I don’t want to imply that looks aren’t crucial or important. I just meant more along the lines of what society thinks is beautiful and how shallow and vapid folks can be. At least as far as tindr and other swipe apps. Maybe I am in the minority but very often I have been so attracted to personality and looks are second. It’s not like looks are second and that the person is horrific it just means that the personality turned me on first.

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[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by BigBubba

I've been fat. I've had acne. I've been dressing poorly. Then I've shaped up. I've taken care of acne. I've dressed well. During the journey I've been on every step of the ladder and this is the conclusion:

Looks are CRUCIAL. They matter A LOT. Personality is secondary in the big picture. If you're not sexually attracted to someone then that person may stay around... as a friend. On the other hand, if Brad Pitt had a personality of a rotten potato, he wouldn't get anybody as well. So the personality has to be there, but without looks it doesn't really matter (it's hard to get to know someone if you don't want to talk to them).

you said you used to be fat. Me too! I had gastric bypass in Los Angeles and 27 pounds and I’ve managed to keep it off for 14 years of which I am very proud. But when I was heavy I know I was beautiful. I know this because I felt it. I don’t feel like my weight made me ugly. And that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about when it comes to society’s view of women in particular but women and men. Of course looks matter. If the chemistry is there nothing will happen I get that. And I’m not saying looks thing. What I am saying is the weight placed on looks can sort of be almost too much. Almost like personally a secondary. If anything they are equal but in my eyes personality trumps looks.

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[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

you said you used to be fat. Me too! I had gastric bypass in Los Angeles and 27 pounds and I’ve managed to keep it off for 14 years of which I am very proud. But when I was heavy I know I was beautiful. I know this because I felt it. I don’t feel like my weight made me ugly. And that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about when it comes to society’s view of women in particular but women and men. Of course looks matter. If the chemistry is there nothing will happen I get that. And I’m not saying looks thing. What I am saying is the weight placed on looks can sort of be almost too much. Almost like personally a secondary. If anything they are equal but in my eyes personality trumps looks.

I understand your point, but the harsh true is that very often being fat makes you ugly.



I'm a little bit like that dude. I'm no model, but my face was fat and once I've lost lots of weight the game went upside down. Currently I'm slightly overweight (it's a fruit of covid isolation) and AGAIN, my face is bigger and my market value on dating scene is lower haha

Stay in shape. It's healthy, you look better, you don't get tired that much, and you live longer. That's what I say.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by BigBubba

I understand your point, but the harsh true is that very often being fat makes you ugly.



I'm a little bit like that dude. I'm no model, but my face was fat and once I've lost lots of weight the game went upside down. Currently I'm slightly overweight (it's a fruit of covid isolation) and AGAIN, my face is bigger and my market value on dating scene is lower haha

Stay in shape. It's healthy, you look better, you don't get tired that much, and you live longer. That's what I say.

And to follow that up if you do have gastric bypass know that it’s a tool! There’s an eating plan you must follow no sugar low carbs lots of healthy things and you can’t eat too much. I know five women that have all gained it back including one that had a revision!

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[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

And to follow that up if you do have gastric bypass know that it’s a tool! There’s an eating plan you must follow no sugar low carbs lots of healthy things and you can’t eat too much. I know five women that have all gained it back including one that had a revision!

Yeah, I need like two weeks of not following my diet and I'm 2-month pregnant lol lol

It's a tough one but its worth it.

[Werewoman]

Hell no!!

[divine1966]

I don’t know anyone who thinks that looks are more important than personality. Looks are more important if you are applying for a modeling job, sure. You also need to be of certain height and weight. But life isn’t a modeling career.

Having said that it’s important if people are reasonably groomed and take care of themselves within reason. I mean if someone don’t take showers I don’t care how nice they are, I am not interested

I’ve met people who are convinced they can’t find a match because of their looks but in reality it’s for many other reasons that have nothing to do with looks. I know a lady who is convinced she can never find anyone because she is too tall and men like petite women. That’s total nonsense. She isn’t even that tall. In fact she insists on only dating tall men, so she is the one focusing on looks, not men!

[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t know anyone who thinks that looks are more important than personality. Looks are more important if you are applying for a modeling job, sure. You also need to be of certain height and weight. But life isn’t a modeling career.

Having said that it’s important if people are reasonably groomed and take care of themselves within reason. I mean if someone don’t take showers I don’t care how nice they are, I am not interested

I’ve met people who are convinced they can’t find a match because of their looks but in reality it’s for many other reasons that have nothing to do with looks. I know a lady who is convinced she can never find anyone because she is too tall and men like petite women. That’s total nonsense. She isn’t even that tall. In fact she insists on only dating tall men, so she is the one focusing on looks, not men!

Nobel point of view, but at the same time far from reality. It doesn't work like that these days. Have you been out there lately? I mean the dating scene.

[RoxanneToto]

“These days” is the point Sarahsweets was making - many people are shallow and only go for looks these days, over personality. Not everyone, but it’s definitely a trend. I’ve had boyfriends in the past who were really good looking (including a Neo from the Matrix lookalike - he even wore similar clothes) but I have to say if I were ever to date again, based on my experience I would choose personality over looks. The Neo lookalike tried to play mind games with me in the end and was generally a douche all round.

[Open Eyes]

Honestly the important thing is to be happy with yourself. It’s so wasteful to need the approval of others and one risks being objectified. Why put self at the mercy of someone else’s ego?

[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

he even wore similar clothes

[...]

The Neo lookalike tried to play mind games with me in the end and was generally a douche all round.

That explains a lot Still I'm sorry he was an idiot.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by BigBubba

Nobel point of view, but at the same time far from reality. It doesn't work like that these days. Have you been out there lately? I mean the dating scene.

Can I ask why you think her post is far from reality? How does it work these days?

Dating is dating whether you call it wooing or courting or going steady. It's all the same and frankly human nature being what it is, hasn't changed THAT much in the millions of years that humans have been around.
It certainly hasn't changed that much since the 70's.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

People age and change, but at least we both do, so it’s still that looks are on equal ground. I joke that I am glad our eyesight is going so we don’t see the wrinkles!

Priceless! Thanks for sharing!

[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

Can I ask why you think her post is far from reality? How does it work these days?

I'm 26 and I'm not a big fan of long-term relationships so I've been around the block for few years now.

When I was out of shape I had to lead, big time. Girl asking me one question in first 30 minutes was super rare. I even got spit on once lol

When I shaped up and took care of my skin and invested lots of money into my style, I got great results with very little effort. Still, when I showed up on a party with a friend of mine who's looks like a model I wasn nothing more than his shadow to all women in the room.

Originally Posted by Werewoman

It's all the same and frankly human nature being what it is, hasn't changed THAT much in the millions of years that humans have been around. .

Yes, its about attraction and looks.

[Open Eyes]

Yes Tisha we lose our site and hearing as we age and looks are not as important.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by BigBubba

Nobel point of view, but at the same time far from reality. It doesn't work like that these days. Have you been out there lately? I mean the dating scene.

It does work this way.

Yes I’ve been out there lol I got married at 50 second time so I did my share of dating. My daughter is in early 30s and is getting married, she did her share of dating of course. My future son in law is awesome with great personality and is very successful yet he is very short (shorter than her) and bold (prematurely). So what? I know many young people of all kind of looks are dating and enjoying their life.

I’ve met men who were convinced women don’t like them because they are short or fat or bold. Please. By this logic only models can find a date. There are usually other reasons why. Not the looks.

[divine1966]

Attraction is important in romantic relationship but attraction has nothing to do with looks. It comes from within. If it was only looks, only good looking people would be happy. But that’s simply not the case. All kind of people find love and romance and experience attraction and enjoy happiness

[eskielover]

Lol....Personally I want it all... good looks, personality, common sense & intelligence & someone who isn't a financial looser.

Exactly why I am staying single after a 33 year bad marriage

[mssweatypalms]

It really depends on people. For me, personality is definitely more important. I've been at one singles' party before. I've instantly noticed the good-looking guys, but the moment they talked, I started losing interest. The ones whom I actually had conversations with were not the most handsome, but they were the ones who have depth in their character. Of course, there were guys who have both. Unfortunately, those kinds of guys were not interested in me as I didn't look as pretty as the other girls.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I’ve always felt that looks are secondary. I say this because I’ve heard many guys and girls say they have a type.
“Oh she’s just my type”
“ He isn’t my type”
I don’t have a type. I seriously don’t. Over the course of my life I’ve dated men that were completely different as far as looks go. There are features I find sexy for example, I love a good jaw line and hands. Yes hands. There’s something about the shape of a man’s hands that gets me. But beyond those types of things personality trumps all of it. And it’s not just whether somebody is friendly or funny, I value intelligence the ability to debate and conversation.

But lately (over the last few years) it seems like people have been getting very shallow. I don’t really understand it because we all know as you get older your looks change. I’m not saying as you age you get ugly you just change. So if you’re a shallow person and you thought a girl with big bosoms and a big booty was super important . 20 years later maybe in those big booties and big bosoms wont be there or at least not in the way someone wanted.

And it bothers me when people pick other people apart with the idea of being joky or funny or in a group of people thinking that it makes them really funny.

I don’t know if it’s a groupthink sort of thing where a bunch of 20-year-old guys and girls get together and are like “OMG he is so hot!” Followed by “no he’s so not my type he’s so ugly.” I know this happens with groups of guys but I don’t want to stereotype and I’m not a guy so maybe some other guys can shed light on that sort of groupthink experience.

I’m more of a humanist or at least I like to carry empathy on my shoulders. And it’s hard for me to believe that luxe matter as much as they seem to. But then you have apps where you swipe right or left 10 seconds apart from each other so looks have to be an important thing yes? I guess it’s easier for me to have perspective because I’ve been married 25 years. It was love at first sight with my husband and I know I’m very fortunate. I know I’m very lucky because relationships are so hard for so many people. I realize many people don’t have the experience that I have had.

But the idea of people being lonely simply because their “looks “don’t measure up to what society says or what shallow and vapid men or women say pains me.

What do you all think?

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Ok hang on, I’m one of the “beautiful people” and I just told my ex boyfriend who’s also quite handsome tonight that I felt lonely. I hate to say this but there’s a certain kind of problem that comes with being a beautiful person, outer, not inner. And consequently it’s how I got into a relationship with someone who interiorly isn’t right for me: “looks”.
Now I know I could not compete with someone half my age in the looks department because there’s a certain beauty that comes with youth, so I would say it’s harder to be an older “beautiful “ person. I just read an article about salma Hayek and the pressure to stay thin even though the body changes as it ages…