How Do I Reply To This And Stop It

I was raised that saying something like “MUST BE NICE TO HAVE ________”. (Enter whatever the other person is jealous of, money, looks, talent) is ill mannered. It shows that you’re envious and can’t deal with your own shortcomings, or lack of whatever it is you’re commenting on. In other words, you’re just plain jealous and can’t deal with it.

Other ways they say it are: “I wish I had your ______. “ talent, looks, money, etc. with the intention being that the comment makes you feel guilty for your blessings. It’s just plain nasty to me, why a friend would say something like that.

What’s a good comeback for that so they stop saying it? I have a friend who can’t stand that I play piano and she gets nasty about it and always says something sarcastic like, “welll, don’t you just steal the show!” Then she’ll roll her eyes and make a face. I want to stay friends, but I’d like to shut her up with something witty. Can’t think of anything. Help!

Personally I don’t think I would continue this friendship but if it’s out of your control then you can say something like:
“Well you know what(name) I can recommend you a great piano instructor if you’re interested in learning how to play”

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An alternative is you can try showing empathy , I don’t know your situation or that of those around you, but speaking for myself, if I find myself making dismissive comments it means I should back away from the person that I feel bad about . It can be hard for those with hardships to be around those with few hardships, to put it simply.
It depends on you and your friend’s level of maturity, as to what’s driving the feelings/comments.

i know! grrrrrr right ? dont you want just come right out and scream "shut the bleep up" at them?
you know whats kinda fun to do is to just muck it up to the max. ie "dont you just steal the show" you say sonething silly back like yes, yes i do. come one come all.. il be here nightly at 6 and 8 pm until either they boot me off stage or im dead whichever comes first ..
or "i wish i had your .." just make some sarcastic come back like talent? well ok better get going cuz it took me x # of yrs to become this talented.. or money? great! take it! then il be broke & can finally get good ol uncle sam to pay my way... or looks? oh no way.. im banking on any day now so & so famous movie star is gonna call me up to come be their double and then look out hollywoo d here i come!
perhaps you could try doing something along those lines maybe

“You steal the show…” or “I wish I had your…” Just say “Thanks!”

“It must be nice…” Answer, “It is!”

I usually just say “thank you.” In the piano scenario, I’d just say something like, “Music really gives me great pleasure” and leave it at that. Take it as a compliment even if it isn’t and let the friend stew in her own juices if she’s truly meaning to be ugly. When you react positively you take the wind out of her sails.

I get comments like that about my singing, but I have never found them to be unkind. They were compliments with a bit of genuine envy in them. Not mean jealousy really, but more of a true longing for their own ability or even sort of a baffled wonder at how a person can do what I do. I think when we have a talent, we often forget that it is truly a unique gift that people sort of marvel at.

It doesn’t have to be music. I marvel at athletes because I am possibly the least athletic person I know. It has actually been a source of embarrassment at times for me. So I probably have made comments that perhaps came off similarly and not even realized it, probably to mask my own embarrassment or inadequacy in my own eyes.

Thank you is an easy, gracious response. It’s amazing how freeing learning to simply say thank you has been for me. And it’s a gracious, freeing response to the person who may be directing their comment oddly more at themselves than we really understand.

I don't have a great response, I'm just wondering why you are friends with this person.

i partly agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about simply thanking them. If it's a skill that can be learned such as piano abilities you may refer her to someone whom can actually teach them if they're interested. i am not sure if sarcasm in these situations is good because it may further annoy her. Of course that is just my opinion and i may be completely wrong. Still, give it a thought. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @TheEbonyEwe, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Can you directly ask her, in a civil way, to stop making those comments / rolling her eyes, because it bothers you?

I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately... smh.

Oh I can relate. My tolerance for such crap is low. I heard lots of such comments in my life and some are so stupid it’s hard to even comprehend

Simple. If a 'friend' said this to me, it clearly shows they are not a friend. At least not what I would consider a friend. What would I do? I wouldn't even bother replying to such people and would seek true friends who can rejoice in my successes, not show mean-spiritedness or jealousy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv “You steal the show…” or “I wish I had your…” Just say “Thanks!” “It must be nice…” Answer, “It is!”

I agree with Tisha.....I have actually said this. They sometimes get it & stop saying it or they decide to move on to someone else with their friendship

Aside from the OP noticing her friend’s eye rolling, I honestly never thought anyone saying something like this to me came from a negative intent. I said those responses in earnest, thinking they were complimenting me.

I’ve had people on occasion say ‘must be nice…’ and I just thought they were envious. I didn’t think it was an insult. It just made me feel more appreciative that I had something they thought was good and wished they did. Thanks and It is nice! Were they cutting me down? Was I too naive to notice? I probably also said something back to them complimenting something they had, too, like to make them feel better.

Now that I look back I remember there were two girls in school who made a comment that I was ‘the star’. They probably rolled their eyes and I didn’t notice. I was the lead in most of the shows. I guess I got the gist they were envious, but I didn’t find it insulting. I felt like, ‘yes siree and I’m lovin’ it!’… though I acted humble.

But, like the OP, if my good friend was eye rolling about me, I’d take issue with it. I’d ask her why she’s rolling her eyes, probably have a confrontation, likely end the friendship.

My friend (met at 13) was admittedly envious of me over I had boyfriends and she was chronically rejected. She’d say ‘must be nice…’ and it didn’t end our friendship. I felt sorry for her that she didn’t do well with guys. It was her own doing. I suppose she was putting me down, saying that I was not very pretty but had guys interested. I wasn’t insulted. Maybe I should have been? But, coming from a friend who had issues, how can I expect her to act more healthy? She wasn’t healthy! We did end up having an unstable relationship on and off over the span of our lives. She only got more unhealthy. Maybe those early signs were red flags that I chose to ignore.

I'm not sure I have the answer for you since I don't know your friend, but you touched on something I felt too: the comments in and of themselves "I wish I...too", etc, don't strike me as hurtful and actually seem like compliments to me, too. Maybe it depends who says it and how they say it. Yeah we can all agree eye-rolling is hurtful.

It can be quite annoying when people do this. My aunt always says stuff like "You guys are so happy!" :heavy sigh: or "You are such a close-knit family" :sad look: I think you can generally tell from a person's tone of voice or body language whether they mean it as a compliment or they are simply envying you. I try to stop enviers by reverse fake-envying them. "Not at all! Our lives are so dull. But I heard you recently did blah blah...it must have been so nice!" : fake heavy sigh: Works most times, they get super annoyed.

I hope people who have been married for a long time & I wish them happy Anniversary & that it is really nice to see loving marriages that truly last don't think I am jealous after leaving my bad marriage after 33 years. I am truly happy in my single life I now have for the first time in my life.....but I am truly happy for couples who have successful marriages too.

Seems like sometimes the person receiving the compliment may take it the wrong way.