[pierrek]

Here goes,

I will start from the start , hopefully someone can help,

For 7 years I have been single . then one day I meet a woman whom is 16 years younger than me .

when I met her she has a daughter 10 years old and I have a son 15 years old .

I met her while we were both on holiday so the kids saw each other a lot .

Every night she stayed at mine she would say I am going home tomorrow but stayed for the whole 7 days .

When I 1st met her she drank alcohol and smoke , she has stopped for 3 months now .We have been together for 8 months .

During the 8 months she has thrown me out in the street at midnight also her daughter.

Possible trigger:

she has threatened to kill herself.

Also , in the last few weeks she has broken up with me 2 times in 1 month.but the next day she apologizes and i forgive her.

I am asking myself why am I in this relationship, Is it because I think I will never find another person to love, being alone, stockholm syndrome etc . ?

Do I love her , I do not know to tell the truth I tell her I love her and she does the same .

If anyone has any help I would be greatfull .

Thank you.

[Mike_J]

As a parent I have to wonder about any parent who would through their own child out in the street at midnight.

I think she needs to get some professional help.

[hannabee]

Wait...I can't have understood that right...she threw her 10 year old daughter out in the street at midnight????? If this is indeed true, you better RUN as fast as you can!

Do you really want to be with a woman who would throw her child into the street?!? This is an 11(?) year old child. In my world, that's still a baby...

Even if she was the last person in the world, that would be it for me.

She clearly needs help. Whether you want to stick it out with her is up to you, really. Perhaps your tolerance level is higher than mine.

And I really am suspect that she's stopped the drinking.

Please don't compromise. Maybe seek professional help to see WHY you think she's your last chance.

[HockingPastryChef]

If I am reading this correctly of her throwing her daughter and you out then I would end the relationship. She needs to get professional help.

[connect.the.stars]

Just a clarifying question: did she throw you and her daughter out at the same time assuming you would take care of her daughter for her?

Not trying to justify this action of hers. Was just curious.

She sounds like a very inconsistent person. I love you, one moment. I'm throwing you out, the next. I'm only staying one night. I stay 7 nights instead.

If you are having doubts about whether or not you can handle this type of behavior, I suggest you dig deeper and perhaps draft up a list of the pros and cons.

Do you think you would be better off without her, possibly alone the rest of your life, but looking for someone new? Or would you rather stay in an unstable and volatile relationship with her, not knowing if she will harm herself, harm you, or harm hers or your kids for the rest of your life?

[pierrek]

Hello everyone

Thank you for your comments, Yes she threw her daughter outside for 5 mins , I wanted to let her back in and she did not then she threw me out for 30 mins .

It is very hard for me , I think this will be my last realtionship, I had one 7 years ago which lasted 8 years.

I write her SMS and they are romantique and caring and hers are cold , but then she says the most wonderful things when I am next to het then the next day it is not very nice.

But, I am asking myself the questions , why am I in this , I am confused as you can tell .

By the way this is a great website , just reading about people etc, mine seems trivial.

[~Christina]

You need to report her for child abuse, Let social services in your country step in and make sure her daughter is in a safe home, that is not your job, you need to get away from her, period.

Please get into some Therapy and find out why your thinking this is your last chance....

Sorry to be so blunt. All I see is screaming red flags here.

[toolman65]

I would rather be alone than be with a partner i do not trust.

This person has severe mental health issues. You didn't cause them. It is not your job to fix them. Your priority is the safety of your son, her girl and yourself.

Threatening to harm herself is a way to keep you trapped in her illness. Along with all the other behaviours.

Call child services and file a complaint . If this is not possible, call 911. (112 in France)

What you have is far too volatile and dysfunctional to be considered a relationship, so ease up with "it's her or nobody" argument. Maybe she is the one for you, but until she gets treatment and is healthy to be around, you must stay away.

Where is the girl's father in all this?

[pierrek]

Thank you for your reply,

I do not need therapy, because I see good in everyone, I am sure she will get better in the long run. but I am confused and reading other comments on this forum , is helping me a lot .

[pierrek]

Thank you everyone for your comments they helped a lot

[pierrek]

Thank you toolman65

Your opinion is very helpfull.

The girls father wants nothing to do with the child , when the mother was pregnant she was split up from the father, and she confronted the father he said abortion , but she brought up the child, this is the story she told me .

[insertname]

Hi - it sounds like your girlfriend has serious mental health issues and the way she is treating her daughter amounts to abuse.

Mental health issues aren't a problem in themselves in a relationship, what it depends on is how mcuh the person is aware of their issues and how dedicated they are to resolving them.

If she is not dedicated to changing, is not in therapy, and does not realise her behaviour is wrong (i.e. she does it again...), then she will not change.

Answer to why you're in this: Because you're lonely. It's easy not to realise you're lonely, I never notice it either, I feel fine on my own, but if you are considering continuing a relationship with someone that abusive then I would strongly recommend you consider how you are feeling, whether you are lonely, and whether you could think about seeking help for yourself.

[pierrek]

Thank you for you comments instername they are very appreciated. It will take a lot of courage for me to finish with her.

In 2 weeks we are off on a weekend in Paris so maybe that well help ( but she told me yesetrday she might no go, she said she has better things to do )

Anyway, thank you every little thing is helping to understand me and her.

i am sort of pissed off at the responses some people gave you here, pierrek.

especially if your girlfriend does have mental illness some here are suggesting you abandon her. which, as a person with mental illness, that is the last thing i would want my lover to do to me. especially if i confide in this person and rely on them for companionship. that could be further damaging to her and her mental health.

but, i will say. if you need to break up with her and remain friends until she gets mentally stable... i would suggest that and i think it is a good idea. calling social services is pretty extreme thing to suggest, especially since most of you have no idea about the entire situation. for all you know, she put the daughter out because she knew she would be with pierrek.

i don't know, this whole thing pisses me off. all i can think of is i will pray for you and your situation pierrek. i spoke to you in chat, and so i hope you would consider some advice i gave to you. good luck to you and your journey.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by smilesandcries

i am sort of pissed off at the responses some people gave you here, pierrek.

especially if your girlfriend does have mental illness some here are suggesting you abandon her. which, as a person with mental illness, that is the last thing i would want my lover to do to me. especially if i confide in this person and rely on them for companionship. that could be further damaging to her and her mental health.

but, i will say. if you need to break up with her and remain friends until she gets mentally stable... i would suggest that and i think it is a good idea. calling social services is pretty extreme thing to suggest, especially since most of you have no idea about the entire situation. for all you know, she put the daughter out because she knew she would be with pierrek.

i don't know, this whole thing pisses me off. all i can think of is i will pray for you and your situation pierrek. i spoke to you in chat, and so i hope you would consider some advice i gave to you. good luck to you and your journey.

Just because someone has mental illness it doesn't mean one must stay with them for life or even for any time. By this logic one must stay with abuser because he/she has mental illness. Does it mean if I meet person with mental illness I must start dating them just because of that? Makes no sense

I agree about not abandoning ones children if they have mental illness but boyfriend/girlfriend? Really? Must stick around no matter what? That's weird

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[pierrek]

Hello

Thank you everyone for your help, My girlfriend decided to finish with me 2 days ago , She said she does not know if she loves me, and said we are finished .

I am very upset she left me , I can not sleep eat etc . But I know by time it will get better. Also reading on this forum is helping me a lot.

I have learnt so much from here and my ex girlfriend, I said I will always be here if she wants to speak to me.

Once again thank you

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by pierrek

Hello

Thank you everyone for your help, My girlfriend decided to finish with me 2 days ago , She said she does not know if she loves me, and said we are finished .

I am very upset she left me , I can not sleep eat etc . But I know by time it will get better. Also reading on this forum is helping me a lot.

I have learnt so much from here and my ex girlfriend, I said I will always be here if she wants to speak to me.

Once again thank you

You are better off without her and just go enjoy your life and be glad you got out easy.

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[pierrek]

Thank you , it Will be hard but i Will get through it , just need to stop fixing on the relationship and move on

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[pierrek]

I did something today, I sent my ex girlfriend flowers , she did not reply to say thank you, I do not know why I want to get back with her , why do i feel this way for her after all I have put up with ?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by pierrek

Thank you for your reply,

I do not need therapy, because I see good in everyone, I am sure she will get better in the long run. but I am confused and reading other comments on this forum , is helping me a lot .

it's good to see good in everyone and potential but that potential is many times never fulfilled because the other person is never motivated to reach it. By not doing anything to stop the abuse of her child for one (reporting her) and hoping she will 'get better' it's not only magical thinking, it's also enabling her to continue on the path to destruction. it's great that you can see past her faults but these behaviors are not only affecting you but a child who is dependent on her for protection and security.

The fact that she put her 10 yr old, defenseless child out at midnight says to me that she is a dangerously abusive person and does not deserve to have her child let alone be in a relationship with a caring man.

that you do NOT need therapy, I question it because your attachment and your hanging onto the idea that she'll get better is clearly unhealthy and you should want to find out the roots to why you want to hang on such a bad relationship.

[avlady]

you need to stay away from her. please try your best to stop yourself when you feel like talking to her again

[pierrek]

Hello

I am back with her ,I might have stockholm syndrome or I do not know what I am doing .

I will keep you updated if anything happens.

Thank you for everyone , that has helped

[pierrek]

My girlfriend tells me 2 hours before I get a train not very sure if I come it will be good because her daughter is in a mood , but me and the daughter are getting on well now , then she said come over , Very complicated relationship and I just listen. And apologize if she's sad to make her calm and she's a bit of a drama queen

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[tearsinabottle]

It may sounds like she is borderline, its a personality disorder. Borderlines changes from hot to cold, I think. But its for certain she is mentally ill in some way. I would also say that to throw her daughter out is abusive.

I would advice you to try say to her that things need to change and needing therapy, maybe not just for her but for you too. Hanging onto unhealthy relationships are something we do when we have FOO issues. Some may not have FOO issues, but many has. I have FOO issues and I held onto abusive relationship because I thought the man would change. It never happened because they were sociopathic/narcissistic/abusive.
Borderlines I dont know if they can change, I guess borderlines have genuine feelings but they cant control the hot and cold. I dont know.

I would advice you to tell her things must change and keep yourself out of the relationship until you see a change, if that ever will happen. It may happen only if she agrees.

You must be very hurt by how she treats you, breaks up with you, keep you hanging, its not fair you be treated like this. Abusive relationships are damaging to your soul and well being and self esteem.

I know how hard it is to get out from an abusive relationship, but I do hope you will take all the good advice you have gotten from everyone here and take care of yourself and your son. I do hope this womans daughter will get a safe home, because right now it seems like child abuse.