Close to my witsend and just tired

I'm becoming exhausted and just close to the end.
I have been married for 10 years and just had our first child, mind you a child he "didn't want", even though we tried for her. He knew how it important it was to me, to become a mother.
Years leading up to having our daughter, I lost both my parents to health problems. I am fairly young myself, 30 years old. So it's been a lot to cope with.
Over the years, we have fought pretty constant and even separated for a few months.
I want so badly for us to work but I feel like I am hitting a wall.
He is mean.. I'm called every name you can think of, constantly yelled at, told its my fault, I'm sensitive or offended or a child. It even gets physical. Really my fault for that, but it's me trying to beg him I am sorry and can we talk. But he is in red mode and throwing and pushing and I should walk away but stupidly don't.
I feel alone, lost and tired. I raise our child alone and am constantly dismissed, demeaned and unwanted.
I don't even know what I am looking for here... I just had to write this down.. maybe in hopes to hear I'm not alone? I don't know.. I'm just getting tired and depressed and decided to join this forum for... what I'm not sure.. maybe I'll find what that is I'm looking or written for here..

Hi Harris, I think you know what you need to do for your health and well being and that of your child. I think parents make better parents when they are healthy and happy, regardless of married or separated. Life is too short to sacrifice it entirely and needlessly.

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Hi! I just want to say that I am very sorry you are going through this pain. You do not deserve this, nobody does. My father was not the ideal father. Growing up around him has damaged me in more than one way. You have a daughter, and I think the sooner you remove her from your husband's toxic presence the better it will be for her. Children are very perceptive. Seeing her mother being treated like this can cause severe harm to her self-image. Sending you lots of good vibes.

Erm, no. It's not your fault getting abused. It is the fault of the abuser.

I would leave this situation as it is dangerous not only for you but for your child.

So Sorry for your Losses and for what you're Going through! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i am afraid i must agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about this relationship not being good for your own child. i think it may be necessary to make him understand that this relationship can't continue this way. i'd say either tell him that he needs to change, perhaps even through therapy, or you need to leave. Please just try to stay Safe whatever decision you take. Also consider some shelters if that proves to be necessary as well as a lawyer if you do decide to go through divorce. Love. Be Strong. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Harris82, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

It’s time to not only value yourself but also your baby. Neither of you deserve to experience this clearly toxic and abusive man.

It is understandable that you want a healthy relationship
But this man is NOT going to be healthy for you he is a mean abusive beast.

Your post really has me concerned the way you blame yourself for his abuse. I know the psychology of abuse is complicated, but I would urge you, for your safety and that of your child to look for resources in your community for abuse victims. There is a great group of people here to turn to for support.