[Photonate]

Hello. I've been with my girlfriend for a while now and feel like she is the one. I love her very deeply and want to spend the rest of my life with her.

However, she was with her ex boyfriend for 7 years, who has a son that, although is not hers biologically, she (like she told me shortly after we first got together) apparently got very close with and considers hers. (Her sister even asks about him, and so does her mother which is pretty awkward, for me at least, usually.)

Now, I really try my best to consider and understand she knew the kid for pretty much those 7 years. But I can't help but feel kind of... I don't know, I guess 'weird' about her still considering him to be hers, and quote "him always being a part of her life".

I mean, it would be one thing if she was at least his biological mother I think, but the fact that she's not, and him "forever being a part of her life", means that her ex will inherently likely always be in the picture even slightly too (and I don't know the way she talks about her ex even, which she does somewhat often... sparks some concern or curiosity too, because she talks so horrible about him and how she hates him so much etc. etc. but... I don't know, that's a topic for another discussion lol), and I mean what about if/when we have our own kids? What about holidays?

I don't know, like I said I really try to consider the timeline and how she got close with him, especially since she wants her own kid, but I just can't help but feel... apprehensive or question it or just unsure about the whole thing.

I know it's ultimately up to me how I feel, but I'm just hoping to get some others' opinions and thoughts and outside views on the matter, if this is even something worth worrying or being uncertain about lol

[Molinit]

It doesn't matter whether she is his biological mother or not. She raised him and has told you very clearly he will always be part of her life. If you can't deal with that, better to stop the relationship. You said she told you in the beginning this is how it is. You should assume that this child may be around you on holidays and other times. If you don't have the tolerance for that, let her know so she can find someone who does.

[Bill3]

She helps raise this child and thus they see each other as their own. To disrupt the relationship would be cruel to both parties.

Perhaps you yourself can get to know and love this child as well.

The child can fit right in at family gatherings and at holidays unless singled out by adults.

Perhaps it would help to read a bit about blended families.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry you're feeling like this also! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that it would be best to accept it perhaps. After all you've said that she has been clear from the beginning. If you're having any doubts about any relationship between her boyfriend and herself then perhaps it would be better to simply discuss it also. If it comes to a point that you feel like you simply can't accept it then perhaps it may be best to move on. Obviously i hope it won't have to come to that and that you will be able to work through it obviously. i hope things will improve really soon for everyone. Love. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Photonate, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!