In serious need of help about my long-term bf

He sounds a little like my ex fiance. I left him eventually, accompanied with a (further) tirade of stinging insults. But he had said, often, how much he ''loved'' me. My family of origin was neglectful and abusive and I was unsure fully at the time how abusive this person was. I also think that if you marry him he will dish out even more control and abuse. I fully agree - I also think he is in love with the idea of having you to abuse and control (at least the person I used to ''know'' was )

I've also been thinking of therapy again but have felt completely freaked out (again) by the issue of therapy having started exploring it (again) closer to ''home''..

My fiancé doesn't actually throw a long tirade of stinging insults so far, it's "just" a long list of hardly rational criticisms about whatever little issue I "caused" when he goes on like that.

I did get and am still very hung up on the arguments when he actually tried to do demeaning insults. In one case he did stop when I asked him to, but I could see he didn't like having to stop, in another case he restored his rational sense and figured out the rational answer for whatever he randomly so much disliked in my behaviour. But there is something I still cannot deal with about some of our worst recent conflicts we've had. (Nothing new, it's still the same ones I already posted about. He's away right now)

I know he used to be more rational than this, the worst is he probably *thinks* he's still being rational when he's like this purely because he's not like having a complete meltdown that even he would be capable of noticing emotionally. lol.

My problem is I don't think I'd be satisfied with just telling him to go back to his senses if he gets like that. I'm still trying to find a way to talk about it all more intimately, I mean my problem with all this. I do have the sense I could do this perhaps in the couples therapy if the couples therapist and I talk on one-on-one first for laying down a "foundation". I know, somehow I know that I won't be able to try in individual therapy, even if I wasn't going to try deep therapy, just some random talk therapy thing to simply talk it out. I feel like, individual therapy is about me only and not me and other people together in my interpersonal relations. Too much of a vacuum talking about the relationship, I wouldn't be able to trust the therapist's expertise, my experience whenever I'd try to talk about relationships is that they tend to try and fix me in a vacuum instead of looking at the relationship dynamics too as well as the other people involved beyond me. So I would not even be able to relax enough to start talking it out.