People texting while with someone else

Would you consider it rude to always be on your phone while with someone else? I think constantly being on your phone sends a message that you don't care about the other person's company. I know a lot of people who would agree that it's rude but I also know some that see no problem with it and if someone doesn't like the fact that they're on the phone then oh well. It's even worse when someone almost never responds to your messages but then that same person responds to other people's messages immediately.

In a way, it shows that they don't really care about you. They don't see you as valuable, if anything they see you as disposable and I question how close someone really feels if they do this all the time. People are allowed to talk to whoever they want, no one can control someone else but at the same time it shows a lack of respect for the other person's time. I've been with people who constantly text on their phones to the point where I'm basically ignored, I start thinking what's the point of hanging out if they're going to text constantly.

They may as well just go hang out with whoever they're texting, clearly they don't want you there and it shows that they may not feel close to you. It's one thing to reply to a message here and there every so often, but to constantly be on your phone to the point of ignoring someone who you're with is just rude in my opinion. When this occurs, I actually distance myself from those who do this all the time. I don't develop hatred towards them, but I do come to the conclusion that they don't really value my time as much as someone else who they'd rather be with.

At times it can get so bad that it may appear that the person only hangs out with you when they have no other better options and you're more of a back up or last resort to them. I don't get mad at them but I do pull away. Again, people can hang out with whoever they want. They can talk to whoever they want as well. No one can control who you talk to, but it can give off a subtle message that they really don't care to be with you. I wouldn't consider these people anything more than casual friends at best and may not even be considered that.

I agree with you. When you are spending time with someone, put the phone down. Unless I am actually waiting on a call or message, which I would tell someone, I try to keep my phone put away (except to take pics) when I'm with other people. Yes, it's rude and disrespectful and annoying. If I'm with someone who does it, if they look at their phone more than once, I will specifically mention it and ask them to put their phone away.

Some people are actually addicted to their phones. I use mine a LOT, but I'm not addicted. I'll happily put it away and forget about it, sometimes even purposefully put it in another room so I can pretend I didn't hear/receive messages from people. My mother is addicted to her phone. When she comes home from work, she sits in her arm chair next to my dad, and sits and looks at her phone ALL night. We can't get her to put it down to go walk on the treadmill, to have a conversation, it's not only frustrating but clearly unhealthy. She does seem to put it down (or at least not look at it) while she watches Jeopardy and Wheel.

What I try to remind myself with her is that it's truly an addiction, and she has a lot of trauma that she's never really going to deal with, so we, as a family, device different ways to "handle" her around things. It's frustrating but we all kind of know that pushing her causes these massive PTSD breakdowns, and while none of us want to tiptoe, nor do we want to indulge bad habits, we also know her age and what she's mentally/emotionally able to handle, so we push when we know we can push and we tolerate what we have to.

But yeah, what you're talking about goes beyond even someone with a phone addiction problem. Someone ignoring you because they just hung out with you bc they are bored is just a user and jackass. If they can't put their phone down, I would just stop hanging out with them. I don't want to be around people who make me feel bad.

Yeah phone addiction is annoying, I know people who are addicted to their phones. Usually they play games or other stuff on it, I think that is a bit easier to deal with though. I agree, someone who is always talking to someone else is not a good friend, they don’t care about you that much. It sends a message that they’d rather be with someone else, it’s much harder to tolerate.

I think this phone technology has changed how people interact. It makes people too accessible and has changed rules about not bothering people during dinner or work or when they are out with friends or family. It puts people pretty much “on call” 24 hours every day

Yes! It’s rude to be with someone and at the same time texting others. And I know people text and talk while driving too. It can be very addictive where people use it way more than they should.

It is rude and disrespectful. Now..granted..I am probably older than a lot of folks here, but I grew up in a time when there weren't cell phones, and I was a "Johnny-come-lately" with one, anyway. I resisted having one for a long time. As it IS...mine has no apps or anything. It is for specific calls when I am out. As in "where are you". or, "do you want me to get you anything"? I still have a house phone and THAT is where I do my long conversations. Facebook is only done on my PC. Sometimes I put my cell phone down for two days without looking at it. So, when I am out with a person for a day of fun...I am with THAT person. I may check briefly before we go into the restaurant/store or whatever, but the time belongs to them. I am more interested in face time.

I agree, it’s rude. The people who don’t have a problem with it likely do the same thing! I agree mobile phones, and the internet/computers in general have changed how people interact and spend their spare time.

Yep I agree, it really has changed how people interact.

That’s good, that's how it should be. I was born and raised during a time when there were no cellphones. Didn’t get my first cell phone until I was 16 and it was an old flip phone. I loved flip phones and didn’t get an iPhone until 2014, I was basically coerced into getting one.

Yep I totally agree, iPhones have changed how people interact and people aren't as respectful.

Certainly it’s rude. Extremely annoying. Some people use it as escape. Same way others use food or drug or excessive tv consumption or internet or shopping or other obsessions and escapes.

And come think of it, rude people existed before cell phones and will exist after. If not cell phone, it would be something else that they’d rather do than interact with you or something else they’d use to escape from reality.

The only way to combat it is to distance yourself from them if possible.

If I am with a person ,that means I want to connect in real time,otherwise why am I even there ? I am there for real conversations .I put my cell phone in my bag and forget about it.I check once in a while if my stay with people is longer.I can text a short reply to missed calls while in restroom. I return my calls after I get home.I never understood the concept of texting while with people.I have seen such ones,and I almost bite my tongue from saying...Guys just go home.When I am in a group and when I see a couple of toxic people who are ready to pounce on me,I take out my phone and pretend to text someone,just to avoid those people.So if others are doing the same to me,I get the point that they are not interested in me .

Yeah that's true, I've definitely distanced myself from people like that.

Same here. I grew up prior to cell phones, but I did get my first cell phone (it was huge) when I went to college. It was ONLY for emergencies, and of course this was prior to smart phones. I was an early adopter of the smart phone though, and I like having a smart phone. I actually have two, my personal phone and work phone. It has nothing to do with age, truly. I still don't get on my phone and text others or surf social media when I'm spending time with friends. My favorite times are times like this weekend when I'm not even going to look at my phone for almost three days straight while I compete at a trial with my dogs. I'll text people at the end of the day with competition results. And I'll check a couple of times for a text that I'm waiting for one client, but that won't be while I'm actually talking to other LIVE humans.

People know it's rude. They do it anyway.

Yep exactly and there has been times where I wondered why me and someone else may be hanging out if they're always on their phone, I'm always tempted to tell them to go hang out with whoever their so busy talking to if they are so involved in the conversation that they can't pull away from their phone even if they're also driving which is another level of goofiness and danger.

Yep I agree, and the occasional checking for important messages and calls is okay. I do that, but I agree it's rude to be so involved in talking to someone else while with other people and there has been times where I just want to tell them to go hang out with the person they're texting if they just can't stop talking to them.

I agree that in general it's rude. Context can be important. I work with one colleague sometimes hours at a time at the computer. So if a text comes, I generally don't ignore it, but I'm quick about it and often mumble some kind of apology--"Oh, just one sec, it's my mom" for example. Also, there have been times when I was in a situation where I felt really uncomfortable. These situations involve people excluding me in some way. Once I was at my brother's for a party. All his friends started arriving but he didn't introduce me to anyone and everyone ignored me. So in the end, I just fiddled with my phone.

This is just my 2 cents, as someone who does sometimes immerse herself in her phone during social occasions. But never when it's one-on-one with a friend.

I usually put mine on silent and give that person my attention however I have assigned my kids and husband their own tones and if I am expecting an important message I will tell that person the situation so if I hear their tone and have to answer they at least know its important.

I'm also of the pre-cell phone era! And I've still got a landline. Don't want one of these fancy i-phones but can understand why people find them useful (especially in their jobs).

It is rude. Some people allow phones to rule their lives. Sadly, they then lack skills to hold conversations or deal with things verbally.

Yes, it can become an addiction. In the worst cases, people have had to seek professional help to wean themselves off.

One of the most frustrating experiences is being in a restaurant and couple at next table are constantly texting, even between mouthfuls of food

Oh yeah in those situations that is more understandable. I think everyone turns to their phones to avoid awkward situations. I do the same thing if I realize I’m being excluded and not wanted at a social event. Sometimes people will even look at their phones to make it look like their busy so they don’t have to say hi to someone they’re passing in the hall which I see happen a lot.

Yeah that’s a good idea so you know whether it may be important or not.

Yeah iPhones can be convenient since you can look things up faster but I agree people can use them to hide from conflict rather than dealing with it in person.

I have to admit I use my phone as escapism/distraction probably more than is good for me.

That said, I don’t use it at all when I’m with someone, my attention is on them and it’s about valuing time others are sharing with you.

I have one friend who is excused from this as she has personal circumstances which means checking her phone is needed. She always does it briefly and apologises.

I have another friend who used to do it (no circumstances where it was needed) and I found it quite dismissive/invalidating. I noticed a change after the lockdowns when we couldn’t see friends, so far the phone checking hasn’t been happening since. Maybe there was a realisation that time shared is important?

I’ve got to be honest, I do think I’d disengage from someone who did this regularly.

Yes, it is rude. They are clearly not giving you their full attention.

If you are with someone who is texting, I would suggest you send them a text re paying attention to the real, live, human being sitting next to them.

In terms of using your phone as a distraction or to avoid awkward situation, I totally get that and I do the same thing. Glad your friend shaped up and it sounds like she may have realized that she needs to value other people’s company, I have distanced myself who appear dismissive since they’re basically saying they don’t want to be around me.

Yeah I agree, it can be dismissive. Basically saying they don’t want to be around you, they’d much rather be with whoever they’re so involved in texting with.