[healnill]

Hi, english is not my fist lenguage so sorry about my writing and form of expression in advance.
So im terrified of getting in a relashionship, but really want to because im gonna be 25 in a few days and there is a lot of things that i want to experience, and i feel like im losing my life alone.

I do have a few motives to why im terrified of dating:
i have been sexually abused when i was a child.
During my teenage years been rejected due to being to tall and thin (i had a anorexyc body).
Bullying caused by my colleagues destroyed my sense of self love.
And a few weeks ago i was roofied in a friends party, causing me to be hospitalized.

I feel like every time i try to take a step foward on feeling better, something awful happens to me.My mistrust of people have gone trough rough now, for a week im crying myself to sleep.
People say that i look great now, i was able to bulk up doing phisical exercises but every time i look myself in the mirror i still see that me that can count his ribs.

Im going to a psycologist, shes been helping me a lot: my experience so far with her:

So she told, me to seek people in the areas that i like, but just the act of going to the person or even invading her personal space sounds terrifying to me, i've been trying to do it but whenever i start walking towards the person, i freeze.

My psycologist says that is a reaction of my mind not wanting to "invade" the person's space, and i should not worry about it, and it happens beacause during my childhood my personal space and purity were taken away, and this is the way a react to it.

If i may ask do you have any tips on how to approach and chat people without freezing?

Thank you.

[Crazy Hitch]

I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through.

Good on you for taking the first steps forward to initiating a relationship.

I usually base my conversation around something that we might both have in common. Eg - if I went to a gym it might be small talk like how long have they been a member for, what’s their favourite class etc.

Think of a few questions you could ask first.

I’m curious to know where you are meeting these people.

[Rive.]

If i may ask do you have any tips on how to approach and chat people without freezing?

It seems you are not ready yet to approach people. Your organism automatically goes on alert.

You have had pretty traumatic experiences in your life, so I wonder about pushing you too soon/too fast to approach strangers. I would work on establishing a sense of 'safety' first.

If your current psychologist isn't helping you with this, I would look at other counselling.

[healnill]

Hi, thanks for the advice
I usually try to meet them at friend reunions, or like when im longboarding or cilcying on parks, those are the places i feel the most safe to approach people without feeling weird.

Its okay to want to date but its also okay to be single. I know there's a lot of pressure for younger adults to date, but its okay to heal and become more confident first, at your own pace. You have your whole life ahead of you.

I agree that meeting people at places you are comfortable in, is a good idea.

[Aviza]

You have time, heal yourself until you feel ready to explore the world of dating. It can be harsh and even when ready it's hard to navigate. I had to step back because it was causing me to regress mental health wise. I feel strong again now but not ready to put myself out there again. I got married men who really romanced me, guys after sex alone, nothing i wanted date raped several times. It's just hard to date, people are pushy. And I'm naive and too trusting getting myself into bad situations often. I need good guidance when I date.

[DoroMona]

I'm not sure this will be helpful at all, but at a certain point I stopped dating people I didn't already know extremely well. In general now, I only consider as possible partners people who have already been my friends for years. Would it be possible, or helpful, to take a step back and focus establishing some strong friendships?

I don't do well in parties and also tend to freeze. Could you go with a friend and agree that you stick together? You might feel more comfortable chatting with other people if you have a friend with you.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi @healnill

If after trying your psychologists advice a few times of essentially 'don't worry about it' and if you don't seem to be making any headway, you've given it your best shot, then ask her if there's something else she can advise, on top of it, for you. They should have quite a few coping strategies in their toolbox to impart upon you.

All the best. Your efforts should pay off eventually. 🙏

[quest90]

Hi, sorry to hear about what you have been through. Don't lose hope. Give yourself time to heal. When the right time comes the right partner will come to you. Wishing you all the happiness