autonomy problems

Girlfriend paused relationship. Doesn't want one for a year. I asked why and she ghosted me

the following are some signs of a cheater on multiple websites:

I added my view and what she says in the following as well.

1. She pays more attention to her phone than you: See here texting in zoom meetings we attend together: who knows who.

2. She's less interested in sex. She won't let me talk about sex at anytime: Says she's a christian. Was into BDSM for 12 years and very shortly before we met.
Doesn't want me to master-bate. Which I was already working on.

3. She accumulating new clothes at higher rates than usual: She has always dressed very raw. I got over that but it is a thing. She says it's who she is and I respect that. I was difficult to see her where collars from her exes still but I got over that.

She's overly concerned with your whereabouts: She can care less where I am.

She isn't making plans for the future: She says she doesn't want sex or any relationship for a year and won't tell me why.

She won't look me in the eyes: Won't Facetime me ever. Everything is in text still so she is still engaged with me. But we have no label. She won't tell me why she doesn't want one. She ghosted me on that question. Feels like gas lighting.

She's treating you more like a friend than a lover: Yes

Her relationship status has disappeared on social media: Yes. 2 months ago.

She stops nagging: This one is not true. She nags and talks down to me because I'm not working, She tells me that my beliefs on God are ridiculous, tells me I'm not as intelligent as her, tells me I'm a pervert and I never bring up sex at all.

She's avoiding your friends and family: From the start she has tried to take them away. Says they are a bad influence. They never drink in front of me as much as her own church member drink. She says they enable me and she is the only person in my life that won't do that. She made me leave an amazing sponsor for a new one. She finally accepts my therapist. She said she knows more than her and has complex ptsd.

I am practicing autonomy and surrender. She calls the shots. I surrender to her. It's the only thing that works. She says she is working on her self and her recovery. It doesn't add up.

I don't trust her and I feel terrible about it. All I can do is focus on me and try to enjoy when she reaches out. It is daily. When I let things go from my past actions, she keeps bringing up all the things that are wrong with me. It is affecting my inner love and staying in the moment. She wants me to do that but keeps telling me whats wrong. It's hard to fuse self development with self improvement when I'm getting nagged.

She's giving you gifts for no reason: I've been getting gifts lately.

She's ignoring you: Constantly

You're spending more time apart: Absolutly

She gets mad at you about everything: YES!

She insists on taking solo trips: Says she is self sufficient and won't let me help her go to doctors appointments. ect.

She's getting mysterious phone calls: Tells me about her exes reaching out.

She's not confiding in you: Never

privacy becomes her top priority: No but don't ask.

loses her caring nature: She tells me how to improve with tough love. Talks a lot of smack

Making plans without you in the picture: Every week

Being flirty with others in your presence: Boasts mens egos in zoom meetings in front of me.

Your girlfriend will try hard to protect her dignity: All the time

Your gut feeling tells you that something is fishy: Yes

She keeps hinting that she wants a breakup: She did but keeps me around without a label?????

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There is many many more things that seem like cheating on a communication break. I hate this. I'm trying to believe her. I need to love myself and stay present right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How is she your girlfriend? Is this the same online person? It sounds like she just lives her life and plays games with you. Not a girlfriend.

“She doesn’t want you to masturbate”. That’s the funny one. Why do you “work” on this? She seems to have hundred ridiculous opinions on things. I’d not listen to her

I’d look for a job asap though. Not because she said so but because you likely need it to pay bills. I’d focus on that. Not on this person

I don't know if she is a cheater or not, but to me it is clear that she isn't interested in being a good friend or partner. My advice is to stop trying to analyze her, block her, and move on from her.

I agree with Bill. It’s been only two months and you’re agonizing over this relationship far too much. Why torture yourself.

Ha. Nice song reference!

She says she is helping me because I'm not ready for a relationship and I need to learn the same harsh lessons she learned. I feel like she is projecting a situation where her ex was doing this to her. She defiantly has given me some life direction that I needed. Thats what makes this more difficult. I've taken myself out of the expectations of her, but I want to be strong enough to communicate with her even if we are not together. I found out she had borderline bipolar 2 and complex ptsd. She is holds a serious profession. I want to trust her that she want no relations with any man but I don't know why she tells me that. She texts me all day long at her convenience. And I get an occasional phone call. I could look for someone else but she says I'm not ready for any woman. I need to work on myself and I have a long way to go she tells me. Sad to admit she may be correct. She says I should get an immature woman if I can't wait for a year and that there is still know guarantees. I think she is testing me because she was considering putting the relationship back to a GF status. She is definitely floundering. She just can't let me go for some reason.

“She says”, she doesn’t even know yet she tells you what you are ready for. She is an online stranger. Please do
not put so much of your life into other peoples hands. Who cares if she doesn’t let you go. She might enjoy being Controlling and playing games. It doesn’t mean you must participate

Regardless whether she is cheating on you or not (sorry but I wouldn't trust 'websites' to reach this conclusion), what matters is how she makes you feel. Take that, which is all the proof you need, to make a decision as to whether you want to be in that kind of relationship.

Block this person, and do you even know if you’re talking to a woman?

I think she may be a narcissist. She doesn’t like people who are perverted but she was flirting with a guy in the meeting that is way hornier then the next guy. I’ve heard him get real dirty. God forbid I talk like that, and she was on his nuts wearing a shirt that had his last name when he was the speaker. I told her she looked cute in the meeting. I Never mentioned the last name on the shirt because she would make me miserable if I dared.

She gave me the set aside prayer this morning. One good thing I’ve learned is that when I think she is nuts I want nothing to do with her, we have a better day together. F.... I need to do some prayers. Now.

I don't want to talk down too much anymore because I think she is mentally ill. I'm going to pray for her and live my life whether she is around or not. Thank you for your help friends.