[Bat_Orchid90]

I’m over it. My partner has shown me time and time again that they would rather invest all time and efforts into a virtual world that their own actual world. If a hunk of metal&plastic is more important than legitimate relationships, I no longer need to exist here ( in the same space).
I want to discuss it, but I cant w/o getting a not in my throat everytime. I get hot, i feel my heart pounding. I’m so angry and I dont want to just fire off on this person. This is not the first time we have discussed this , this IS the last straw. They say you can simply go in silence, but I am still looking for a place. But it drives me absolutely mad that he continues to act like nothings wrong and I want it to stop…. I don’t know how to approach this the proper way. But I don’t think waiting will make it better. I feel like I’m just marinating in anger and resentment. But theyre also the type to stare at me like i have 6 heads once I DO open up, which only gets me more frustrated, like why even bother saying anything at all. So I just keep my distance for now… idk what else to do…

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[eskielover]

Just walk away. I walked away from a bad marriage after 33 years. Don't waste that kind of time on someone you will only regret it later

[Have Hope]

Just say you're not compatible and that it has to end now. Then walk away and don't look back.

[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Just say you're not compatible and that it has to end now. Then walk away and don't look back.

I know that. But im still looking for a place… i cant just leave at the moment..

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[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

I know that. But im still looking for a place… i cant just leave at the moment..

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I can understand that. Put feelers out, ask friends, post on Craigslist, and find a place as soon as possible. The sooner you get out, the better off you will be. Make it your goal.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

I know that. But im still looking for a place… i cant just leave at the moment..

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Sounds like you answered your own question.....but be serious about finding that place & don't just let it slide & continue tolerating what is upsetting your life

[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I can understand that. Put feelers out, ask friends, post on Craigslist, and find a place as soon as possible. The sooner you get out, the better off you will be. Make it your goal.

Absolutely. Ive been doing that for a while now. Unfortunately places are so expensive or the people are absolutely nuts!

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[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Sounds like you answered your own question.....but be serious about finding that place & don't just let it slide & continue tolerating what is upsetting your life

Yes I’ve made my decision i just dont know if its better to discuss it sooner rather than later… idk i see pros and cons to both

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[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

Yes I’ve made my decision i just dont know if its better to discuss it sooner rather than later… idk i see pros and cons to both

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I personally wouldn't discuss it until you are set to move. Otherwise discussions may go on trying to change your mind, possibly gaslight, possibly make promises that will never be kept & just confuse what you know you need to do. Once you have your mind made up just do what you know you need to do & inform only when you are walking out the door.

[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I personally wouldn't discuss it until you are set to move. Otherwise discussions may go on trying to change your mind, possibly gaslight, possibly make promises that will never be kept & just confuse what you know you need to do. Once you have your mind made up just do what you know you need to do & inform only when you are walking out the door.

Very true! Thank you for your advice!

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[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

Yes I’ve made my decision i just dont know if its better to discuss it sooner rather than later… idk i see pros and cons to both

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I wouldn't discuss it until you've secured a new place. It could cause some serious problems while you're still living there with him. I would wait on this.

[Holly Golightly 3]

I understand your situation, especially not being able to get your own place yet. I would try to spend as much time away as you can to keep yourself busy and not by him as much. Maybe he will get the hint. I would also try to limit as many confrontations as you can because it does not seem like a healthy relationship. Keep keeping on.

[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by Holly Golightly 3

I understand your situation, especially not being able to get your own place yet. I would try to spend as much time away as you can to keep yourself busy and not by him as much. Maybe he will get the hint. I would also try to limit as many confrontations as you can because it does not seem like a healthy relationship. Keep keeping on.

Yes ive been doing that for a while. The frustrating part is he doesn’t seem to care… he’s on and off acknowledging i exist..

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[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

Yes ive been doing that for a while. The frustrating part is he doesn’t seem to care… he’s on and off acknowledging i exist..

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If you know you are leaving & know why, why does it matter if he cares....that is part of why you are leaving, why would you expect anything different unless hoping your behavior will get him to care?

I kept hoping my husband would change. I moved into my own wing of our house....his behaviors just got me more angry until I was actually seeing red (thought it was only a saying before that) by the time I really moved. Seriously, 2100 miles apart was the only thing that saved me or him at that point

[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by eskielover

If you know you are leaving & know why, why does it matter if he cares....that is part of why you are leaving, why would you expect anything different unless hoping your behavior will get him to care?

I kept hoping my husband would change. I moved into my own wing of our house....his behaviors just got me more angry until I was actually seeing red (thought it was only a saying before that) by the time I really moved. Seriously, 2100 miles apart was the only thing that saved me or him at that point

It’s not about wanting him to change. It’s about someone ACTING like they care when they dont. It’s an asshole pushing you down in the playground but bringing you an ice pack and asking if youre okay oblivious to the fact that THEY caused it. It’s the acknowledgment. It’s about every individual that fkd me over in my life thus far and I am always expected to be the bigger person and walk away. Dont be angry, don’t be upset, dont yell. It’s bs. THATS why. People get to continue ****ing others over but each time being expected to walk away from the situation with no exchange of words.

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[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

It’s not about wanting him to change. It’s about someone ACTING like they care when they dont. It’s an asshole pushing you down in the playground but bringing you an ice pack and asking if youre okay oblivious to the fact that THEY caused it. It’s the acknowledgment. It’s about every individual that fkd me over in my life thus far and I am always expected to be the bigger person and walk away. Dont be angry, don’t be upset, dont yell. It’s bs. THATS why. People get to continue ****ing others over but each time being expected to walk away from the situation with no exchange of words.

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I am not being the bigger person when I walk away from people like that, I am being the SMARTER PERSON. I am not, not angry. If I weren't ANGRY OR UPSET, I wouldn't leave.

They are going to continue ****inging you over if you stay no matter what you say anyway cause that is WHO THEY ARE. Walking away is WISDOM nothing more or less. BTW.....I yelled cause that is how I responded to an A**hole & even that doesn't make a difference except it allowed me to let the steam off rather than hold it inside. I figured, you make me miserable, I will return the favor. In the end, walking away was the ONLY WISE THING I did in that marriage

[Bat_Orchid90]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I am not being the bigger person when I walk away from people like that, I am being the SMARTER PERSON. I am not, not angry. If I weren't ANGRY OR UPSET, I wouldn't leave.

They are going to continue ****inging you over if you stay no matter what you say anyway cause that is WHO THEY ARE. Walking away is WISDOM nothing more or less. BTW.....I yelled cause that is how I responded to an A**hole & even that doesn't make a difference except it allowed me to let the steam off rather than hold it inside. I figured, you make me miserable, I will return the favor. In the end, walking away was the ONLY WISE THING I did in that marriage

I know they will regardless. It’s about my closure. I get to be heard regardless of if they care. I get to voice my opinions, discomfort, displeasure etc whether they want to hear it or not.

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[Have Hope]

Voice your feelings when you are ready to move out. And then leave it at that.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

I know they will regardless. It’s about my closure. I get to be heard regardless of if they care. I get to voice my opinions, discomfort, displeasure etc whether they want to hear it or not.

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I always have so it is a good thing for you to do. I always express my opinion whether they like it or not or whether it creates a fight. I have never had a problem dealing with conflict or causing it if necessary. But also have no problem walking away after voicing my opinion either. I used to keep going until I felt I won. Now I learned to say what I think & leave cause with those kind of people there is NEVER a win cause they will never get it

[Holly Golightly 3]

Originally Posted by Bat_Orchid90

Yes ive been doing that for a while. The frustrating part is he doesn’t seem to care… he’s on and off acknowledging i exist..

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I would do the same to him then. I agree with some of the other posters...maybe wait until you are all set to move out on your own then just hit him with the news. I definitely think it is best to plan and move in silence...don't let him know what you are planning on doing.