[15yearlie]

I am going to try and make this as short as can be.
I have known my husband for about 19 years.
So my husband and I have been together for 15 years. I have 2 children from a prev relationship, he has 2 kids from a prev relationship and we have 2 children together. Him and I have been together since my 2 were 7 mos old so he is Dad to them and has been for the past 15 years. We have had custody of his oldest since he was 5 and he is 20 now! He was previously married for about a month. She was pregnant so a week before he was going off to basic training they got married. After basic he was sent to South Korea. This is when she stopped answering his calls and emails. He went months without hearing from her. Him and I were chatting online cause like I said we had known each other before. We started a "relationship" at this time. I picked him up from the airport when he got back from the Army. He immediately started staying with me. About a month in we got pregnant. He eventually got a divorce from his ex. Years go by and we have no problems. I mean we fought and all that but nothing major. Fast forward to Sept. of 2017. He gets a call saying come get ur son or he's going to foster care. This is his son that he hasn't been "allowed" to see. So we welcomed a 10 yr old boy to the family. So now it's 2018 him and I have 2 kids together and 4 separate. 2 days after our daughters 10th bday he decides to kick me out. I had 4 kids, no job, and no car. Got all mine and the kids clothes and went to my moms. A week later he asked me to come by and we talked and got back together. Now to the present day.
On July 11th, 2022, 6 days before 3 of our children's birthdays he tells me he loves his ex-wife still and always has and he has to quit lying to himself and to me. He doesn't feel the same way emotionally for me but will always have love for me as the mother of his children. That's pretty much that. He left me with the house and absolutely no groceries in the house. Then I found out that 4 days after my birthday/5 days before he told me all this. He sent his ex-wife $350 through facebook. I was livid. I didn't care that he sent it to her exactly, I don't care that this was the reason he didn't get me anything for my birthday. I cared that he had money and told me he didn't which in turn he spent all my money. I get paid bi-weekly. Then the fact that he sent her money instead of buying groceries for his family. Its been 8 days and I haven't seen him. We have messaged back and forth a little. No fighting or arguing. Now in the past I would have been contacting him constantly and begged him to come back. This time is just different! This time I feel like I am just tired. Don't get me wrong I miss him like crazy! But, I am just so hurt this time I have 4 kids depending on me and a demanding job. I don't know if I feel like he just needs a break and will come back or if I'm just numb. I don't think I would be able to take him back immediately. He really hurt me and I don't know how I would even be able to trust him again. I just don't understand why this was his move. Should we not try therapy? Why isn't he fighting for me? Am I just crazy? Should I just move on?
Any advice will be appreciated!!
Is this all for real? A few people I have talked to about all this have the same concerns I do. We feel like something else is going on. To me he feels like a different person. It feels like something is going on mentally.
I don't know what to do.

[Open Eyes]

See a lawyer, he is responsible for child support
At least for his own children.

[15yearlie]

Neither one of us really have the money for a lawyer. We aren't going to fight about anything so we don't really need one. I have filled out the papers and we both agreed to split the filing fee. I was actually planning on filing the papers with the court tomorrow. But last night I felt the need to send him an email. It was something I felt like I had to say to him. And while writing the email I decided that I am NOT filing the papers. I am not giving up on what we had. So if he wants it that bad he will have to file.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by 15yearlie

Neither one of us really have the money for a lawyer. We aren't going to fight about anything so we don't really need one. I have filled out the papers and we both agreed to split the filing fee. I was actually planning on filing the papers with the court tomorrow. But last night I felt the need to send him an email. It was something I felt like I had to say to him. And while writing the email I decided that I am NOT filing the papers. I am not giving up on what we had. So if he wants it that bad he will have to file.

You don’t have to file for divorce but you need to file for child support. He’s obligated to help support his children.

[Have Hope]

Wow.... I am so sorry that you are going through such heartache and pain!

If/when a man says he loves another woman, and is sending her money that was meant for your own family, I would believe him at his word. I would not force or push the issue. It's different if he says there are issues in the marriage and he's not sure if it will work. Then there's a chance for couples therapy to figure things out. But feelings for someone else that came before you? You cannot change that fact, quite unfortunately. I am so sorry!

If you cannot be the one to file for divorce because it's too hard, then let him. But he does have an obligation to the children.

[downandlonely]

I agree that you need to make sure he pays child support for his children.

It doesn't sound like he is interested in getting back together. His words and actions make that clear. But he has financial obligations to his biological children.

[AzulOscuro]

I wonder why some people have so many kids.
Having a kid is not like making ring-shaped pastries.

[Open Eyes]

So he went back to a woman who abandoned her child. He sounds stupid to me.