Why do people get so uncomfortable when I obsess over them?

What could you do differently to avoid scaring people off?

They all said I don't give them space. But i never really understood how exactly I didn't give them space until after they stopped liking me. I coulda prolly refrained from whining and complaining to my current favorite person, but I didn't understand until the past Christmas.

She transferred in to my store January last year, so it's been 15 months now. Her first 6 months here she was at her best. She had me and several others on snapchat. She used to send me snaps regularly, including evenings and weekends. I remember back in May, I was in a bad place and she messaged me almost 9 at night saying if I need to vent or talk to someone, I could talk to her.

So I did. During the summer, I told her my personal problems for 8 days straight. It was about various coworkers past and present who either yelled at me or wanted me to do a job another way. How was I supposed to know that was too much?

I wonder if there is any way to apologize or tell her what you have learned and now understand so much better?

I never wanted to apologize cuz I didn’t understand how I was whining and not talking about problems like normal person. So over the next several months, I intensified what she said not to do.

Now that you understand things better, what would you think of apologizing to her?

Maybe try keeping personal real life problems out of the workplace? Just discuss work with colleagues and make other friends outside of work?

I agree with this, it's so cringy seeing coworkers talk about their personal life at work. It's one thing if you ask a coworker how their weekend was to a certain extent but to divulge your personal life is just weird, they don't need to know and they don't care.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3 Now that you understand things better, what would you think of apologizing to her?

This assumes a better understanding.....are you sure that really exists? By the question asked in the title I wonder.

The only exception is if something outside of work is happening, that affects your work during your working hours, for example if you have a family member in the hospital and might need to answer a phone call from the hospital, etc

I tend to favorite those who were really really nice to me. Doesn't everyone? The first half of last year, she was at her very best. She used to give a crap. I remember when she added me and a handful of others on snapchat. Cuz people friend each other on social media at my workplace and at other McDoanld's locations as well by the same owner at least. She used to like me and want me around. And send snaps regularly including evenings and weekends (again normal among everyone I work with). We used to spend our breaks together. And one day I was in a bad place and she voluntarily messaged me in the evening saying if I need to vent or talk to someone, I could talk to her. So I did.

I didn't know that talking about coworker issues (mostly about being yelled at about getting things done) for 8 DAYS STRAIGHT was too much. But I talked to her about that last summer cuz she previously said I could tell her things. On day 8, she called me a whiner and ignored me basically every other day over the next few weeks. She also didn't sent me a snigle snap for a few weeks straight. And over the next several months, whenever I brought her my personal problems, she wouldn't say much of anything. And I just got crazier and crazier. TIl now and I can't cope anymore.

She's several ppl's favorite. How come that's ok? And how come evetyone is allowed to have favorites except me? Everywhere I went

Hi ruby,it looks like people don't want to listen to your personal problems too much.And trust me everyone is dealing with some kind of problems in their own lives and trying to resolve issues.While friends or coworkers can lend a sympathetic ear for some time.Who will want too much of others baggage and drain themselves? Think about it.If I am right you mentioned getting fired,right?Why loose your bread and butter over this?What is more important?Keeping your job should be.Right?

Keeping a job is definitely important. I just never understood why I kept losing every job I had simply cuz I had a favorite person. At my current job, she used to give a crap. Otherwise she wouldn't have voluntarily messaged me saying I could talk to her if I ever need to talk to someone.

Then she called me a whiner when I took her up on that. I didn't know 8 days straight was too much so why did I pay the price of doing something I didn't know was wrong? Over The next few months after that, she started acting indifferent every time I told her my problems. Then right before Thanksgiving, I had a breakdown and asked her why she didn't care anymore. That day, she deleted me on snapchat.

And ever since then, no amount of reasoning worked on her. I told her I had 7 other favorite ppl who didn't stay good. By now, she knew all of them by name and from which job they were from. It didn't make my current favorite person wanna stay good.

I told her she's number 8. And pls stay good. And that I was always super nice to her. Whenever I reasoned with her, she seemed to listen and agree, but when it comes to being good like she used to be, she wouldn't actually do it.

I pointed out that to this day, she gave a crap about other ppl's problems. Every time I pointed it out, she said 1, their problems are serious and lots of mine were petty. And 2, they don't tell her their problems ALL THE TIME like I do.

I guess by now, she doesn't even wanna be around me. The past few months, she ignores me on half of those days. The other half, she talks to me like she talks to other ppl that she actually likes, but that was only out of politeness. She stayed good for other ppl, but she wouldn't stay good for me. She's several other ppl's favorite too, but she still stayed good for them.

I'm transferring

Ruby, you react to people's negative responses to you by rebelling, when in fact, you have overstepped people's personal and professional boundaries. Telling your manager your personal problems for 8 days straight is far too much for a manager to bear. She did invite you to talk, but that means perhaps one or two times only. You have to limit yourself and adjust your communications based on the response you get. If a response encourages you to continue venting, it's a green light to vent more. But of the response is short and sweet and ends the conversation, then you must adapt and end the conversation. Also, it's best not to share personal problems, unless they are interfering with your ability to perform or work your scheduled days.

ruby, I think some kind of professional counsellor could help. Seems like you may not be seeing subtle social cues

In that case yes I agree. The most I've ever divulged is me having to attend a funeral for a grandparent but otherwise I don't go into detail.

You are failing to see your repeated pattern of poor clingy behavior, your behavior has crossed over into obsessive stalking territory. You obsessed over a manager at Arby's by saying her name many many times a day, then you got mad at her for pushing her away. You dump all your personal problems on other managers at various places of employment, you even talk about other coworkers which is extremely unprofessional. You believe that it's okay to act the way you are, you are failing to notice that people don't want to hear your problems. Just because someone says it's okay to vent doesn't mean it really is okay, most people say they're okay with it out of politeness and they'll avoid you if you vent to them about everything under the sun and make it all about you.

Also you dont know what the other person has going on, they could be seriously worried about a sick child or something

For example: i have a friend in a different country who emails a lot out of anxiety and needing reassurance, she repeats herself loads and would even email me when she knew i was having to put all my energy into looking after older cat Tigger, who i really thought could die - even despite this, friend was seeking reassurance over stuff i had reassured her about countless times before

Just because someone doesnt say they have something serious to think and worry about, doesnt mean they dont have something to worry over

Maybe off topic but i know my own survival is dependent on my Tiggers problems not getting life threatening

Just saying as a example

Hi ruby,a lot of verbal expressions are part of social etiquette. People say things like how are you doing?Having good time?Are you alright?How is your day?Things like that.It doesn't mean an invitation to dump what ever bad things are going on with us.
What I understood is your boss is nice and you said so.Good managers,bosses or supervisors want their subordinates to be comfortable in the workplace. Hey,if you need anything ,you know where to find me or if you want to talk or need help you can talk to me.That does not mean you can talk about your personal life.She said those nice words regarding if any difficulty arises in the workplace ,you could talk or ask for her help.

Do you have health insurance that would cover a counselor, Ruby?

She messaged me on snapchat later in the evening that if I need to vent or talk to someone, I could talk to her. She saw I was in a bad place so she voluntarily messaged me that. And now, just a couple days ago, a coworker had something crappy happen to her in her personal life. And my Favorite Person gave a crap about HER problem. It's been 6 months since FP gave a crap about mine. And she still has my coworkers on snapchat but deleted me right before Thanksgiving. And one of my coworker went overseas for 3 months and they send each other snaps practically every dAy.

Most of my coworkers (including managers) also deleted me cuz I was always rude to them. But they also continue to friend each other on snap. Same thing had also happened to me (social media wise) at the other mcdonald's location I used to work at. (it was facebook back then). Cuz I dared to have a favorite person like everyone else.

Managers and crew friend each other on social media at all the mcdoanld's stores in this area. But my job coach said I shouldn't partake cuz I can't handle it. Well, they all deleted me so...

She told me right before christmas why I'm a whiner and my coworkers weren't even though we all told her personal problems. So I really didn't understand for 5 months straight when she finally told me. I was penalized for doing things I didn't even know was wrong.

Also, is 8 days straight too much for ANYONE to bear, whether at work or outside work?

To be honest, it sounds like you overwhelm work colleagues with your problems (I might be getting this wrong, its the impression I get from what you've said in this thread)

They likely feel they have to stop talking with you, for their own mental health

I tell my problems ONLY to my favorite person cuz I liked her the best. She was so very good back then. Ppl who gave a crap generally are good. Eventually she said she gets overwhelmed when I whine and complain.

All my other coworkers delete me cuz I treated them like crap. I’m jealous that everyone else gets to have a favorite person except me. And I had nowhere to put my anger even if I wasn’t jealous

Everyone that ever cared about me eventually walked out on me. The next one will as well. Nothing’s ever gonna change

You have the power to change YOUR behavior and that will change how people react to you.