Does anyone else have trouble making new adult friends, especially with other women?

Agreed that it is hard to make friends. Most the friends I made were at work, but people get other jobs and move and it's hard to stay in touch.

When I lived in state ABC, none of my neighbors wanted anything to do with me. They wouldn't even say hello. Then I moved to state XYZ, where I lived out in the country, and was very good friends with the neighbors (most of them), but those friendships fizzled because I moved and honestly, I didn't keep in touch.

With the stuff that goes on in society today, political differences, polarizing views... Maybe people are afraid - as am I.

It is hard to find a true friend as many people I've come across want something out of you, and if they cannot get something out of you, they move on pretty quickly.

You have to be young, healthy, pretty, successful, popular, and have lots of money. Otherwise, you're out! Which is very unrealistic.

Do you live in an urban environment or out in the country?

Thanks. I’m so annoyed ar how easy things come to most people, especially fake people like my sister. I have to work hard to make & keep friends. It seems like I’m never good enough for most people, ugh.

As an adult, I have mostly met friends online, a few from meetup & yelp too. I have also made some poor choices with friends too.

You’re absolutely right about what you said. Most do called friendships are transactional in nature.

It seems like if you don’t share the same religious or political views, you’ll be automatically rejected by other people. It’s so stupid. It’s almost like you need to be almost like them in order for them to like you or accept you. It sucks!

And you can’t be better off than them or most people will end up resenting you for having what they don’t too, ugh! Most people aren’t really happy for other people it serms like.

My new friend in my building asked me to pick up her mail while she is away. I was happy to do it. I feel this is what friendly neighbors do for each other and have no problem with it. Is this the kind of transaction you are talking about that annoys you?

Now, if my friend starts asking too many favors, it could become an issue. There is a careful balance I will try to do to not get into a situation where I have to draw a boundary and lose a friend/friendly acquaintance.

What would having an ideal friend look like to you?

For me, it’s partly about wanting to have someone to enjoy doing something with. I’m not looking for perfection, and will put up with quite a lot usually because the experience of being together to do xyz and enjoying their company is the point to me.

No, that woukd not annoy me unless I knew that was the only reason theydeven talk to me., to use me for something.

An ideal friend for me woukd be lotal, not badmouth me behind my back, be honest, kind, straightforward, definitely not passive aggressive, not overly gossipy, definitely not self absorbed, not judgmental, not critical, reliable, not flaky, fun, funny, likes most or sll of the sane things I do, not some crazy extremist religious type, not observing with fitting in, not a follower, cool, smart, into clothes, hair, makeup, movies, cats, festivals, concerts, and music too.

lol.

Transactions that would annoy me include people who expect you to do something for them everytime they do anything for you at all, expect you to listen to them all the time but ignore you when you talk. Only contact you when they’re bored & have no one else to talk to, etc.

I’m not super picky, but I fo have standards. I don’t put up with flakes, phonies, liars, users, backstabbers, selfish self absorbed people who need free therapists , jealous types, etc.

Two my best girlfriends aren’t into clothes, hair or makeup. They are great people and loyal friends though. I am not into hair or make up but i do like clothes quite a bit. And purses lol. It has never been a foundation for friendships though. I do put make up for work but it’s not something I discuss with friends. I don’t care if others like those things. That’s unusual requirement for a friend.

I do agree with having high standards for human qualities. No one wants liars or backstabbers for friends

In one post you say: “It seems like if you don’t share the same religious or political views, you’ll be automatically rejected by other people. It’s so stupid. It’s almost like you need to be almost like them in order for them to like you or accept you. It sucks!”

A few posts later you say: “An ideal friend for me woukd be lotal, not badmouth me behind my back, be honest, kind, straightforward, definitely not passive aggressive, not overly gossipy, definitely not self absorbed, not judgmental, not critical, reliable, not flaky, fun, funny, likes most or sll of the sane things I do, not some crazy extremist religious type, not observing with fitting in, not a follower, cool, smart, into clothes, hair, makeup, movies, cats, festivals, concerts, and music too.”

I wonder if you recognize you conflicting ideas which may come off as conflicting messaging to potential friends. It reads as if you expect others to accept you for the same reasons you would reject them. Might be part of the issue.

ETA: It’s perfectly reasonable for you to have a type of friend in mind, just as it is perfectly reasonable for anyone to have style of friend in mind. However, to have a standard for friendship but not understand or accept that other people have their own standards (which are apparently about the same as your own), just doesn’t make sense and reads as a double standard: it’s okay for me, but not for others. That could become problematic and off-putting in trying to develop friendships.

People DO tend to look for like-minded friends. Perfectly normal.

I never said liking those things is a definite requirement I just said it’d be nice if they likes those things too.

A few former friends complained about girly girls & acted like it was stupid & silly. One tomboy type even bragged about how she saves a lot of money for important things like trip since she doesn’t waste it on hair, clothes, makeup, nails, and purses.

She even complained about me dressing up to go to the zoo & how I brought to much jewelry with me on our trip. It’s not like I wore a prom dress to the zoo, lol 😆 OK, whatever, lol 😆

Weird! Another woman who I thought liked talking about makeup too actually accused me of only being interested in talking about boring uninteresting things like hair & makeup. She then beagged about owning rental properties & being worth 5 million dillars now.

This woman used me as a free therapist. I pointed that out to her then she blocked me, lol 😆

I don’t understand why I tend to attract users & abusers usually, ugh! I don’t deserve this crap!

To be clear, I wouldn’t reject someone for having different political opinions or religious views, but I can’t accept extreme views.

I’m open minded, but most people aren’t open minded with me. I have standrards. Why would I want to accept people who aren’t good for me? I also didn’t list most of thise qualities as must have qualities. I was asked what my ideal friends lhio would consist of, so I listed those qualities. Why would I put up with anyone who is a liar or anything like that btw?

I’m saying that other people have rejected me for a lot of things & that they didn’t even give me much of a chance at all.

I gave them a chance though. Even when I had some doubts about them. Example, this mooch I talked about on another thread. She had a lot of issues, no car, no job, had depression & anxiety & low self esteem. Talked about herself to much too.

Most people wouldn’t give someone like that a second chance. I gave her multiple chances. She blew it by being selfish, self absorbed, a user, a liar, and a mooch.

I don’t understand why I’m the one being judged when people are the ones who are constantly judging & rejecting me.

It’s like I need to be just like them like I said to be accepted. Any deviation from that seems unacceptable to other people it seems like.

I feel like the moment I say or do anything that they don’t like or agree with, they’re done with me. Most people are extremely picky, judgmental, close minded & ir’s annoying.